Thursday, December 31, 2009

Christmus Carulz I Promisst

Musashi Sez:

So I told yu gyz las yeer that I wud com up wift som nu Christmus Carulz, and tho I had intended to mayk up mai own, mai Onkul Ben gayv me 1 I had not herd befor. So heer it is:

Good King Where’s-My-Sausage went
Out on Christmas Even.
All the folks were eating then,
So nobody seen him,
Exceptin fer his loyal doggee
Whu brogt him a flashligt:
Cuz the King, he gots lostid
When ther wuz a dark night.

“Hither, Doggee, stand by me,
If thou knowest, tell me.
Yonder amnalz, whu they be?
Wher an whut their dwellin?”
“Sire, they live a good league hence,
Tho’ runnin’ helter-skelter!
Akshullee they liv nearby,
At St. Agnes Shelter.”

“Bring me kibble, bring me trout,
Bring me pine longs hither.
Thou and I will see them dine
When we bear them thither.”
Dog and monarch forth they went,
Forth they went together,
Through the rude wind’s wild lament
And the bitter weather.

“Sire, the night is darker
And the wind blows stronger.
Fails my hear, I know not how;
I can go no longer!”
“Mark my footsteps, my good dog,
Tread thou in them boldly.
Thou shall find the winter’s rage
Freeze thy blood less coldly.”

In his master’s steps he trod
Where the snow lay dinted.
Heat was in the very sod
Wher the saint had printed.
Therefore, Christian species all.
Wealth or rank possessing:
Ye who shall now bless the poor
Shall yerselves find blessing.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Footbol Player, or Mebbe Checkrz

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I alreddee thogtid about becoming a fhyzikul therapist, but mai mom wuz playin wift her funnee rubbr cord thing that halp her bild her week musls, an it mayk me want to play wift stuff lik that. She gots it from her fhyziku thrapist, but I figgrz ther probabul lotsa foks whu yooz toolz lik that fer getting strongr. Lik footbol playrz. I figgrz that all thoz big gyz ar jus reellee overfed an they not strong untl they akshul werk wift toolz lik the reellee cool red rubbr thingee. It stretchiz a whol lot. I liks watchin it. Mom sez it keep her sholdrz frum getting outa hand.

Aneewae, if I wuz a footbol playr, I cud play wift it a lot. Mom remynz me tho, that I wud also hav to carree a footbol an run at saym time. How I suppozd to do that? I has to run on my feets! All of them. An a footbol is almos as big as I am.

So mebbe I shud be a perfeshunul Checkrz playr. This migt be somthin to considr…

Monday, December 7, 2009

Mor Career Conversayshunz

Musashi Sez:

So now I’z thinking I’z goin to be a fhilosofhr kittee. This meens I spenz tim thingkin about Deep Stuff whil I’m lookin out windo. I fggrz out meenin of lif, mebbe, or whut is byootee or trooth or lik that.

Mom is not so pleezd. She sez, “Huh, them westrn fhilosofhrz is alwaes jus talkin about talkin about thinkin about thinkin. Whu goin to pae yu to do that?”

I sez, “I’l be a perfessr, lik yu!”

“Huh. Yu goin to grayd payprs?”

“Shur, it not hard. Yu sits on bed wift a crayon an grumbulz about bad spellin an sloppee thingkin an evr wuns in a whil, yu shouts Hollerlooya! I cud do that.”

“Yu goin to lektchur?” she aksks.

“Shur. Of cors. Whut is lektchur?”

“It meen standin in frunt of bord an talking about stuff, an then remyndin them stoodints that they shud hav written it down.”

“Oh, yah. I cud do that. I eevn gots mai ferst synmint.”


“Yah. I mayks them go to lyburree in payrz. Stoodint A climbs on taybul an tayks nap. Stoodint B sits neer an tayks nots about how evrboddee els reackt. It show them how yu kin chooz the Gud Lif, a Lif ful of meenin, but othr foks, espeshul hoomin typs, isn’t goin to unnerstan. They needz to get perpayrd fer that.”

“Huh. Yu migt be betterer at this than I thogt….”

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Mor Egsytin Diskuvreez about ME!!!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, the egsytmint todae is that I is parentlee mor lefthandid than not. We diskuvrd this wen we wuz playin wift the Layzr Poyntr (that mom calls the Kittee Crak Dot, but I don’t noe why, cuz I hasn’t brokdid anythin playin wift it yet). Wen the trikkee light com neer me, I smak it wift mai paw, but onlee the left 1, cuz that’s jus eezee-er fer me. Mom sez, “Yep, yu’r a leftee, jus lik yer granpa. He’ll be veree pleezd.”

This is eevn tho I do mos othr thins wift whutevr paw happin to be avaylubul at the tim. Huh.

A NOTE ABOUT THE TITLE: I cudn't com up wift a gud titul fer this post, so I asksd Mom whut Onkul MeToo wud call it, an she caym up wift this verree fast.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Thxgivin Mannrz, Veree Importint!

Musashi Sez:

Parentlee, Thxgivin is a speshul tym fer rememembrin the Pilgrmz, whu wer theez funnee gyz in hats whu din’t lik the Inglish King’z reelijon, and whu reellee liked to eet. When yu’r eetin, yu haz to hav yer napkin in yer lap, so jus in cays som fud falls, yu kin pertend yu ment to tayk it wift yu laytr. Also, yu shud wyp yer mouft an pawz wift it somtimz, to show how yu tryin hard not to be piggee. This is a reel piktchur of ME an MAI akshul NAPKIN!!!

OK. Now yu go try an dijestify.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fyzikl Therpst or Possibul Ornitholojist

Musashi Sez:

So I wuz jus talking to mai frend, Mistr Tygr, about mai possibul fyootchr kareerz. He sed he thingks that I wud be a natchral houskat. At frst I thogt he wuz maykin a jok on me, but he wuz verree seeryus.

“Yu got mad ninjr houskat skillz,” he sed. “Yu iz alwaes stretchin or watchin brdeez out windo. Isn’t that whut houskat does?”

I told him, wull, yea, sorta. I had to egsplayn that bein a houskat is not zaktlee a kareer, an that I hav ben traynin day an nigt jus in cays I cud be a fyzikl therpst, or possibul a ornithololojst, which is lik sombodee whu stretchiz othr peeples out and sombodee whu noes stuff about brdeez.

“Huh!” I sed. “Imajin yu not noeing that!”

Of cors, he does got stuffin fer braynz, but he’s a gud frend aneewae.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tonsilectomist or Possibul Sushi Shef?

Musashi Sez:

Wull, despyt mai Mom’s insistinz on how cyoot mai toez are, I has overcom this particlr handy-cap an is lookin fer mai akshul skillz. Now, I offinz figt Mr. Tygr, whu is pertee fiers, but if I kin get him at the insydz of his jawrz, I kin tayk out his tonslz. On som daez, when I am in mai bestest form, I kin do this 2 or 3 tymz in a singl dae. Huh. Yu nevr heerz of hoomin peeple doctrz whu kin do that!!!

Still, as Mom points out, not evrbodee has multipul tonslz, lik my buddee Mr. Tygr. In fact, verree fyu peeples has sutch a talent fer regrowin their tonslz. So mebbee bein a toslectomist isn’t mai fyoochr. Mebbe I shud jus lern to do stuff lik preepayr the sooshi, wift deftnis an also art an possibul speed. As a Sooshi Shef I cud mayks lotsa monnee, although Mom pointz out how I wud hav to stand on my bak feets fer lik hors and hors.

I needs to thingk mor on this. Huh.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Mor Thogts on Vedrenz an Othr Warriyrz

Musashi Sez:

Now I iz cleerlee a kittee peeple, an is well-noen how kittee an doggee peeple don’t alwaez get along so gud. But yestrdae, Mom an me wer surfin the Innerwebs togethr. We
found this sit about doggeez whu was soldjrz, from the Werld Warz to the now war. An we boft thogted that we shud comememorayt thoz brayv doggeez fer halpin keep the werld sayf fer demokrissee an crooltee-freeness an stuff.

(I shud point out tho, that wen I akskd Mom wher the war kitteez wer, she thogted fer a whyl an sed, “Wull, they’r probabul the offislers, wudn’t yu thingk?” An of cors, she probabul rigt. Huh.)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Vedrenz Dae

Musashi Sez:

Tomorro is Vedrenz Dae, which is fer foks whu has servd in a war. But fer som reezn that I’m not too cleer on, it also is “Stay Hom wift Yer Kittee Dae.” Personl, I suspex this is cuz fynlee hoomin peeples has reelyzd that we not goin to get werld pees until we figgr out why kitteez is so peesful. I suspex that the Yoonigtd Nayshuns or mebbe the ASPCA is behind this noo wae of doin pees stuff. I’m fer it, as a rool, cuz it meen I gets to hang out wift mom, on a Wendzdae!!! (That nevr yoozhul happen.)

So go hang out wift yer kittee peeple, or yer kittee peeple altrnit. Kthxbai.

Monday, November 9, 2009

We Thingks Yu Hasn't Payd Tenshun!

Musashi Sez:

Huh! So far, WE are helthee, but we are heerin storeez bout folks whu is gettin this floo and that floo, the upper and the downer, all verree sad. So we helthee folx kin onlee repeets whut yu alreddee ben heerin: WARSH YER HANZ!!!

okay. yu goz now. kthxbai.



Friday, November 6, 2009

This Littul Piggee Teetch Latin

Musashi Sez:

Well, Mom now has a ferst frend to catch the swyn flu, an sins it her buddee Jim from Kungfoo, we has to assoom that he was tryin to lern the Veree Seekret Crouchin Pig, Hydin Gander form. Yah, egsotik figtin arts, an all, but I thingk it not werth it. Huh.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Swyn Floo, Hoomin Parernoyr, an Kittee Wizdm

Musashi Sez:

That intenslee hoomin werld that mai mom is traipsing around in has lots of dezeezulz, also noen as infekshuns, or ilnissiz. Tummy or lung or eerz or noz, all them infekshunz is jus bad!!!

But parentlee, the werstist dezeezul laytlee is this new Swyn Floo thin.

See, it go lik this. If sombodee, say, in sothrn Chyna, whu has som pigs that they rayz fer (don’t tell them piggeez!) fud, an they also livs in this arear wher geesiz com to hang out in som timz of yeer, then, po-ten-chullee, WHAMO!!!! Yu gots the possibulness of a floo that has gon thru 2 or eevn 3 speeseez, an that nevr gud.

Now I has a pertee strong (tho vayg) beleef in Ceiling Cat, an I noe that he liv and pouns an hav his bein in us heer on the erth-glob-thin.

But I also hav slept on buks on the Spannish floo of 1917~1921 or ther-abouts. It wuz jus lik this one heer, egsept that they had jus finishd a Werld War, so lotsa gyz wer commin bak hom, bein sik. Still, we gots lots mor ayrplayn fligts now than we hadsd then. Oy. So hard to figgr.

Mom sez that I shud jus tell yu 2 thins;

1) Keep washin yer hans, but not wift that BAD Anti-bacterul stuff. Thingk: BAD KITTEE! Yu shud jus onlee yooz the soep or alkolol-based stuff. (Then yu a gud kittee.)
2) I fergittid the sekund 1 so I goin to mayk it up. Gimme a sekund.

La la la! Warm! Baby, Warm! REETCHIN OUT!

(Soree fer the elevaytr myoozik. I not noe how to turn it off on the HOLD funkshun.)

Aneewae, oh yah the sekund thin. Wull, Mom wuz telling me about how she seed a postr about the helfcayr thin, an she halpd me find it on Guuugul. So I thogtid, if ther ar Merikanz whu is so unner the wethr that they callz in to werk ded, we gots to fix this. An I gots the perfikt fix. But it compulkaytid, so you gots to pay attenshun.

See, aftr yu runz out of sik daes, yu gots to start callin in felyn. Evrbodee noe that kitteez got to gets extra naptime evr six hours or so. Ther eevn a veree innerestin case goin on rigt now about a partiklr unnaymd blog wher they didn’t giv the kittee an rabbit perdooserz of the blog enugf naptime an, parentlee, they gots in all kinda trubbul.

So yu migt eevn be abul to yooz the Merikanz wift Disabiliboblteez Act to supportz yu in yer figt.

There. I has done mai seeryus for the month. Now we kin focus on havin fun an stuffs.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Partee of Holy d00dz

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez that todae is the Feest of All Saynts. I sez, “The whut of all whuts?”

She sez, “It’s like a party to celebrate holy men and women, you know, the ones who make Ceiling Cat happy.”

“Oh,” sez I, “why yu not say that befor?” An then she givd me som zampuls. So heer they ar.

St. Augustine
: Mom call him Saynt Crankeepants, cuz he not so nys to women, but he wuz reellee smart. Still, his mom shud’v togt him betterer. Negativ points.

St. Jerome: Saynt Eevn Mor Crankeepants, cuz he wuz eevn wors about women, but at least he tookt a thorn out of the paw of a Lion. So negativ points, but it cud hav been mor negativr.

St. Patrick
: He the gy whu went to Ireland and mayd the snaks run away. Egsept they not run cuz they not have toes, but yu noe. Positiv points.

St. Joan of Arc
: I not noe why they callz her this, cuz she got nothing to do wift Noah, but she had a veree cool sord. Lotsa points.

John 23
: He not offishullee a saynt yet, but mom liks him cuz he made them Romin biships comb all the snarlz out of the Romin church, so they not be cogfin up hayrballz so much aneemor. Also, he mayks them trim their clawz so they not scratch peeples so mutch. Or somthin lik that. Positiv points.

St. Francis of Assississi
: He is hard to stop spellin, but he the bomb fer us kittees and doggeez an othr critturz, cuz he talkt to us an eevn preetchd to us, an didn’t call us nastee nayms lik SOM peeples whu claym to be saynts. (Huh!) Points off the map!!!

So I asks mom wen she goin to invyt theez gyz ovr to eets wift us. She sez they’r mostlee ded. That is jus weerd. Why yu partee wift a buntch of ded gyz? This is startin to soun lik that Harry Pottr fellr an his antiks. Huh.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


Musashi Sez:

(Sigh!) I loves mai mom. She kin be verree cool, lik wen I wants to unnerstan the inner werkins of her printr an she tellz me that mai paws cud mayk it not werk, so she stan ther to keeps me from tutchin it but she don’t throws me out into the livin room. Cuz she unnerstan how amayzin that whrrrrr! sound is! Jus lik the DVD playr, almos.

But she not alwaez so gud at LOLCat speek. She alwaes tryin to yooz whut the Frentch callz “Foz-ameez” or fals frenz, werds that soun the saym in yer langwudj, but don’t meen the saym thin. So yestertsdae, I tol her I wanted to dress up like goetz, an she talks about beerdz and othr stuff, but she soun lik she unnerstan, so I dozn’t thingks mutch mor abouts it. Then this mornin, she tellz me about the costoom she thogted up fer me, wift a beerd and hornz and eevn hoofs!!!

An I sez, “Whut’s that???”

An she sez, “Is goets costoom, lik yu sed.”

An I sez, “That not a goets. A goets go “Whuuu-ooooo! an floets aroun in yer closit. An mebbe he som ded gy whu can’t tayk the nap, so he gots to floets aroun. I don’t thingk he gots to hav beerd. An them hornz an hoofz are kinda judjmentl, dontchu thingk?”

“Wait!” she sez, lookin all confuzzld. “Yu meens ghost?”

An I sez, “Yah, yu kin call it goast if yu wantu.”

An aftr that it tukt som time, so we din’t get a gud pikchur of me, but if yu imajin all the orinj parts on this pikchur to be blak, the yu gots the right ideer!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Rethingkin That HolloWeen Costoom Thing

Musashi Sez:

Well, Mom’s frends has the flu, so she is hezytent about goin to a HolloWeen Partee. So mai ideerz about costoomz aren’t goin to be so yoosful this yeer. This a payn, cleerlee. But!!!

We kin still has fun at hom! I aksd Mom whu ar the hansomist gyz in Inglish litratchoor or histree. She sugjestid foks lik Sir Waltr Rallee, an Mistr Darcy an Harree Pottr an then ran out of steem.

I sed, “Huh. Mistr Darcy is no fun. But whut about them gyz he wuz alwaes figtin wift that Lizzlebet chick?”

“What are you talking about, Musashi?”

“Yu noes! Thoz foks whu falls apart? In that book yu red this summr?”

“Oh! The zombies from Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. Right. I forgot.”

“Huh. That cuz yer lif is jus too egsytin. If yu spends yer tim watchin leevs an joggrs out the windo, yu wud rememmeber the zombeez bettrer.”

“I’m sure you’re right. Well, what about Harry Potter? You could zoom around on an invisible flying broom.”

“Yah, that has its gud points. But I ben thingkin I shud be goets.”

“A goat?”


“With a beard and horns?”

“I dunno about that. But they jenrallee whit and they runs around a lot.”

“Well, if that’s what you want…”

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Eevn Mor Costoom Ideerz

Musashi Sez:

It turn out that perpayrin fer HolloWeen is compulkaytid. Well, at leest we got mom all set. I thingk she’ll mayk a verree good Captin Crunch, altho she doesn’t seem so shur. But she can’t be a samurai. She did that las yeer.

Meenwhyl, I ben surfin on the interwebs fer mor ideers, an heer’z whut I com up wift.

Ferst, ther is Robn Hud. He the fox that stolt from the rich peeples an givd the monee an fud an stuff to the poor peeples. He hadsd a bow an arroz an cud aim verree gud wift them. He also leepin over walls an havin pikniks in the forest, wher all them treez ar. An he had a reellee impressive tayl, lik me.

Then, ther that speedee gy, Lans Armstrong. I has invisibl bysikul, so all I needs is a yello shert. An I zooms! around the hous an okayzhunallee stops fer a dringk of waddr, aftr I wins eetch stayj of mai big Frentch contest. (Is jus pertend—I not reellee goin to Frants. I migt run into maiself ovr ther, an they sez that’s danjrus.)

An speekin of speedee, I also ben thingkin about bein Mistr Toad. He was sorta lik a frog but he had a cool hous an lotsa monnee and he gotst into trubbul wift his frends all the tim, espeshul wift his rays car. So I cud be zoomin! around wift this costoom too.

So. Whutchu thingk? Doez yu gyz hav anee betterer ideers? I is all eers, egsept wher I am a tayl, which is a lot.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Nu Ideerz fer Hallo-Ween

Musashi Sez:

So mai mom wuz lookin on the interwebs fer a gud pikchur of folks lik me figtin in a bar figt, an among all the rong pickchurz wuz one of Captin Crunch. He is a seeryul saylor, lik on a bot, an he has a reellee cool costoom, so now I am considerin bein him when I dress up to be somboddee eltz this yeer. Mom sez that his costoom sugjest that he wuz figtin in the Napoleen Warz. To this I sez, Huh, yu don’t say.

An Mom sez, “Um, Musashi, you do know who Napoleon was, don’t you?”

“Som gy whu started som warz?” (This is a trik mom togt me herself. Is calld contestualizayshun, but yu don’t uzhual win aneethin.)

“Yes…He was a lot like Alexander the Great.”

“A littul gy whu wuz doin that Werld Dominayshun thing?”


“Huh. But Captin Crunch jus a seeryul gy, rigt? He not tayk ovr aneebodee’s contree, rigt?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“OK! Then cud you mayk me hiz hat an them cool yellow brayded sholdr thins?”

Mom lookst at me verree seeryuslee. She sez, “Hm. Well, I could make a paper hat, but I don’t think you have enough shoulders to make the epaulettes work.”

I sigd. “Wull, ok. Then YOU be Captin Crunch an I be comin up wift anothr ideer.”

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hallo-Ween is Comin!

Musashi Sez:

I wuz jus lookin at Mom’s calendr, an it sez that HalloWeen is comin nex week, so I gots to figgr out a reellee gud costoom to wayr. Peeples has givd me the yoozhual sugjestshuns: blak cat (huh, so orijinul), vampyr (whut am I? som sparkul gy?), spy (yah, an mom’ll go as a Inglush teetchr), an Boheemian arteest. Now that las one don’t sound so bad, altho I don’t noe if I kin keep one of them barayz on mai hed so gud. But I does lik drorin pikchrz. Mom droo a pikchur of a fish at church tonigt, but she has a stranj church. But it a verree good drorin of a fish. Eevn mayd me hongree!

Which remind me, ther still som toonr in mai bowl. Latr, bai.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Anothr Grayt Artist (An Lokl!)

Musashi Sez:

Ther a almos eevn betterer artist, naymd Patrick McDonnell, an he liv in Nu Jerzee. He mayks the comic strip calld MUTTS, wift our heroz, Mooch the Kittee and Earl the doggee. But Patrick also drowrz the Sundae pictchur fer his comic somtims to match the art of som othr mastr art gy or gal, and heer is one of mai persnl fayvrits, cuz it matchz the pictchur I shows yu last tim by the Japaneez mastr, Hiroshige.

So, this one of them cultchurl thins wher if sombodee shows yu one of theez, yu kin showz how smartypants yu ar by sayin, “Whut, whut! That look jus lik the renoend mastrpees of ol’ whutshisnaym, eh whut?” It halps if yu do this wift British aksent, cuz it mayks folks mor impresst.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Verree Grayt Artst

Musashi Sez:

I hav jus desydid to becom cultchrd kittee, which is hard werk, cuz it meen yu got to noe about art and myoozeeumz and myoozik and jeogruphee. So I figgr I shud start wher I got the mostest noe-lidj, which is stuff to do wift kitteez. I’ll start wift the kinda art that is pikchurz, cuz they eezee to find on the interwebs.

I tell yu about this crayzee gy, Hiroshige. He was from Japan an he likd to draw pikchrz of playsiz. Somtimz he eevn incloodid kitteez, lik in this pikchur heer, which ar pertee faymus. This meen yu ar sposta say, “Oooh, whut a pertee pikchur! That gy a mastr!”

We do anothr artist tomorrer, if yu’r verree gud. Kthxbai.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Noa is Borin, L’ets Talk About Somthin Els

Musashi Sez:

Well, I ben halpin mom writ mai othr blog about mai egsytin lif as a spy. So in compayrsn, this Noah gy wift the big boet is not neerlee as innerestin. So I figgr I shud talk about somthin els. Lik mom’s nu sneekrz, fer egzampl.

See, she got theez ol whit sneekyz that is reellee old, like 6 yeers or so, an they is startin to dis-inner-grayt, which meen fall apart, on the insyd. An sins she wayr them fer kungfu, which is lik, kickin peeples, this not so gud. So she got theez funnee lookin nu shooz that are mayd wift HEMP-but-yu-no-smokz-it. Which is funnee naym fer a mateeryul, if yu aksks me.

Aneewae, she luk sillee wen she wayr them, lik a clown. An she call ME Bozo wen I is egzersyzin mai claws on the ottrman. Huh. She the bozo.

An I proovs it. I gives yu 2 piktchurz an yu has to figgr out whch sneekrz is which.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Mai Big Problimz wift Noah

Musashi Sez:

OK, so I noez yu all has ben waytin fer me to egsplayn the big problimz of the Noah storee fer us kitteez (an also jirafs, lelephunts, lyonz, tygrz, rarmadillrz, an etc.). I’m sorree it has ben taykin me so mutch tim to writ it all down fer yu. But onestlee, it has not ben eezee. I get so upset by som of this stuff that I has to leap! up an run around the apartmnt! until the feelin go awae. An then I doesn’t dayr go bak to it fer qwyt a whil. An mai mom, whu (altho she agree wift me on how awrful this stuf iz) as she point out, gotta sleep wift me, don’t egzaktlee fors me to lokk eyz wift this problim.

Mom sed she wud halp me werk thru this, but she hasta writ a paypr fer her teetchr, an grayd payprz fer her stoodnts. So I gotta be payshunt, an I kin do that! Reelee, I kin! It moslee reqwyr nappin, wich is a form of meditaytin that mos hoomin peeples totalee ignor. Huh. (Stoopid hoomin peeples.) Ther not enugf Boodist peeples in this contree, espeshlee wunz lik me whu beleevs in Ceiling Cat an also follerz Boodr, (whu wuz qwyt a cool gy, akshulee.)

OK. So. I’m goin to settul myself betterer an then I wull writ the stuff yu all lookin fer, about how the Bibl is/isn’t all that good/bad, etc.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

That Noah Gy, Part 2

Musashi Sez:

Wull! It has ben a long week, an no jok. It alreddee Wenzdae! Huh. An I ben distraktid, cuz I gots a noo roommayt, whu's laundree an books an stuff I hadz to sniff, cuz, yu noe that mai job, or part of it. But that not meen I not ben thingkin about mai jentul reedrz. So todae we givin yu the Lolcat Bible fer the next bit of the Noah storee. Then tomorrer I tell yu wich bits mayk sens an wich bits is jus ridiklus.

Mom Says:

Genesis 7: 1-23 Ceiling Cat Sendz teh Wetness

1 Ceiling Cat den said to Noah, "Goes into teh ark, yu and yer kittens, (cuz yu’r coolz an righteous an stuff, in dis generayshun) to taek wift yu 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an its mate.

3 An also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female, cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female (for saem reason) to keep their various kindz livin throughout teh Urf. Fer 7 daiz and frum nao I’m gonna send teh wetness on teh Urf. A little advice, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez.

4 Fer 40 daiz and 40 nites, it goin to be wet and I goin to pwn some n00bs. Pwned!

5 An Noah did what Ceiling Cat told him to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and teh bullz.

6 Noah was liek reely old when teh wetness came. 7 An Noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz. 8 All teh moo cows and teh other creetchurz Ceiling Cat saidz; 9 male an female, came to Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him. 10 An after teh 7 daiz, teh wetness came.

11 In da, like, 6ooth year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth—on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz spewed waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend. 12 An teh wetnessez came to teh Urf an it was all wet.

13 On dat dai, teh sons of Noah (Shem, Japheth, and Ham, wift ther wivz), 14 Tehy hads 2 of evry kind of aminal accordin to its kind, all moo accordin to its kind, evry creatchur dat mooves on teh grawnd, accordin to its kind an evry burd cordin to its kind, evrythin wift wings too, accordin to all kindz. 15 Pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came to Noah an enterd teh ark. 16 Teh aminals goin in wuz mayl an femayl ov evry livin thing, as Ceiling Cat had told Noah. (Except fer teh unicornz, and teh dragonz and stuffs. An that a long storree, that get told other-wher.)

17 Fer 40 dais teh flood kept comin on teh Urf, an as teh watrzs increasd they liftd teh ark high abov teh urfz. 18 Teh watrz rose an rose and rosed on teh Urf, an teh ark floatd on teh watrz. 19 They rised greatlee on teh Urf, an all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd. 20 Teh watrs rose an coverd teh mowntinz to a depth ov moar dan 20 feetz OMFGWTF!!1!

21 Evry livin thin dat movd on teh Urf perishd—burdz, moo cows, wild aminalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovr teh urf, an all hoomin peeplz. Not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet. 22 Evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.

23 Evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; hoominz an aminalz an teh creetchurz dat moov along teh ground an teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urf. Only Noah wuz left, an dose wift him in da ark.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Mai Suddin Crayvings

Musashi Sez:

It verree odd. I don't noe if this evr happn to yu, but sins yestrdae, I has ben wantin to trai won of them cokonutz. I not eevn entyrlee shur whut a cokonutz is, but it soun veree egzotic an mebbe a littul egspensiv. Mom sae they out of seezon, an wud I perfer pickulz an strawberreez?

An eevn I noes whut that meens! I'm goin to be a mama!

Mom Says:

I'm sorry, Musashi, I was just teasing you. It's probably just an offshoot of living a double life. You know, with your 2nd life alter ego off in Morocco...

Musashi Sez:

Oh, yah. That mayk sens. An heer wuz me thingkin we wuz goin to hav to get mom's monee bak from the MSPCA...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

LolCat Bible Noah

Musashi Sez:

I desydid to reminds yu about that Noah gy wift the old verzhun of it, but from the LOLcat bibl, which is mutch betterer than mai Mom’s hoomin peeples verzhun.

Genesis 6: 5-22 Ceiling Cat Tellz Noah to Mayk Big Bote

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh peepl on teh urfs wuz all wikkid an mean an evil, an dat peepl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited Wikkidpedia so evryon wud knoes how to be all wikkid an mean an evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz reely sry dat he had madez peepl on teh urf, an it maded him all sad an pissed off an stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh peepl an aminals what I has maded on teh urf; peepl an moo cows an creepy crawlyz an burdz ov teh skyz an burdz liek ostridges an stuf who can’t flyz; cuz I so sry I maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd Noah alot.

9 This is story about Noah. Noah wuz rightchus d00d, an liek mor rightchus than anyon els. Noah hung out wift Ceiling Cat a lot an lissend to tunez an played Pokemons an stuff. An somtiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him a lot.

10 An Noah begat 3 sons, Shem, Ham, an Japheth. But I alrdy told yu that.

11 An teh urf wuz corruptd an messed up, an teh urfs wuz filld wift meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urf, an saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh peepl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed to Noah, I iz gonna pwnz the whole urf cuz teh urf has mor evilz an vilents than WoW an grand theft auto. So I’m gonna pwnz tehm an teh whole urfs. All teh filez in peepls hedz iz all corruptd an dey keep emailin em to all ther frendz. I should haev kept it in Beta longr :( an inventd McAfee an Nortonz an stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz an viruses an rootkitz an stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, an cover it wift tar on teh insidez an outsiedz. An Noah sed, “Wait a minit. Yu can’t getz wood frm gophrs. Yu has to use treez.” An Ceiling Cat sed I can callz a tree a gophr if I wantz cuz I iz Ceiling Cat. So stfu an go getz yer hammerz an sawz an stuff. An Noah sed, “K, brb.”

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how yu makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits an teh width ov it 50 cubitz an teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An Noah sed, “Wtf iz a cubit?” An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. So Noah did.

16 Maek som windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai an mayk teh door in teh side. An maek it wift 1th, 2th, an 3th storiez.

17 An see, I makez teh flood ov waters upon teh whol urf, to pwnz all teh peepl an aminals an stuffz an evrythin in teh whol urfs iz gets ded.

18 But I iz taeks care ov yu an keeps yu safe cuz I lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, yu an yer sons an yer wief an ur sons wifez too.

19 An yu taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, to keep them aliv wift yu (even teh goggies); an mek shur dey ar male an femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but I wont letz dem on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mayk it too crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, an ov teh moocows, an ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind. But don’t worry about teh fishz, cuz dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh peepl an aminals lieks 2 eatz, an gathr it up; an it shall be fer fud fer yu, an fer them. An Noah sed ther’s gonna be lotz ov poopi to shuvl wift all dem aminals an stuff, an Ceiling Cat sed stfu; I iz givez dem all reel bad constipayshun so don’t worry about it. An Noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 So Noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

Musashi Egsplayns:

I lyks this verzhun betterer cuz it inkloods the qwestshunz that Noah aksd, lik about the gophr wood an all the poop. Mom told me that the old rabbis sed that Noah an his sons were shovlin or feedin pertee much nigt an dae, an that is 1 reellee rigtchus d00d. But I still liks mai verzhun best. I jus has to sit down wift mom an writ it, but laytlee mom doesn't sit down so much. She eethr runs aroun, or she plaes wift me, or she is taykin naps. Akshul, that soun like me too...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Imajin Me an Mai Onkul Pullin a Goddiss’z Sled…

Musashi Sez:

In the intrist of offrin yu all “ALTER-NA-TIV” ideers about gods and the yooneevers an stuff, I is now goin to tell yu about anothr DEE-IT-EEE whu has speshul relayshunship wift kittee peeples. So if yu looks at yer glob, an yu goz up abuv Yoorup, yu wil see Skandanayveea. It has a buntcha cuntrees, lik Finlun, Sweedin, Norwae, an Denmark. An mebbe Icelund—I’m still not cleer on that. Now whut theez contreez shayr is a old beleef in theez Nors Godz. (They calls them Nors eevn tho onlee 1 countree calld Norwae. Dun’t asks me why.)

The onlee importint 1 of theez deeiteez is calld Freya. She is the goddis of luv, byootee, an fertilitee (which is about havin yer kidz). Parentlee, Freya is blonde an blu-eyd an byooteeful, jus lik mai mom. Altho mom’s hair isn’t as blonde as it yoozd to be, an also, how kin sombodee be byootiful if they hasn’t got mutch furr? She onlee has it on hed. Seem sillee to me. Huh. Of cors I thingk she pertee, but she mai mom. Is natchrul.

Aneewae, Wikerpeedier say that “Freyja often rides on a chariot drawn by a pair of large cats. She rode this chariot to Baldur's funeral. These cats are called Gib-cats in the Prose Edda. They are thought to be either Norwegian forest cats [49] or Lynx. Cats are sacred to Freyja, just as wolves are to Odin.” (“Freyja”). They doesn’t egsplayn whut a Gib is or whut the diffruns is between 49 Norweejun forist kittees an a singul Lynx.

Mom sez, “Wull, yu noe, it’s jus Wikerpeedier. Yu kin’t hav evrthin.”

An I ges shee’z rigt.

But I kin’t halp thingkin of me an mai Onkul Me2 pullin the sled of som goddis across the snow lik in them piktchurz… She had betterer not be mor than, say, 20 pounz. Yu noe, jus a littul goddis…

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

We Innerupt This Storee fer a Littul Bit

Musashi Sez:

Mom an me not hav tim to werk on mai blogs todae cuz mom was downtown all dae doin “Jooree Dootee,” which she sae is a verree seeryus thin an it halp our contree’s PART-ISS-IPAR-TOREE DEMAKRASEE to werk.

I sez, “It halp whut?”

An she sez, “It’s wher lotsa peeples (hoomins) gets together an mayk shur they hasn’t ben scratchin eetch othr’s furnitchur or faysis or mebbe steelin eetch othr’s mousees. An if they has, they gets in trubbul.”

“Oh!” sez I. “Is that innerestin?”

“Most of it is kinda borin, but fer one bit, a guy wayvd a layser pointr at som picktchurz on the wall. Yu wud hav likd that, Musashi.”

“Oh boy! Did yu chays it in sirkuls?”

“No,” sez Mom. “The judj wudn’t let us.”

“Whut’s a judj?”

Mom sez, “A judj is somebody whu mayks shur evrboddy do things the way the law says. She wears a big black robe an sits behind a big desk wift a big chayr.”

I perks up mai silkee blak eerz at this. “A blak robe? Hmm. Cud I be a judj wen I grows up?”

“Um, well, yu cud,” sez Mom slowlee. “But yu’d hav to go to lawyer skool first, an that is pertee borin. An aneewae, the judj didn’t chays the layzer pointr eethr.”

So aneeway, that is why we not have a storee or a revyu of a toy or aneethin lik that todae in mai blog. But, hey, yu gots to lern about Jooree Dootee, an partissipartoree somthin, an also judjiz. So yu’r still getting edjakaytd. So that’s OK. See yu tomorro!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Noah, the Gy wift Thumz

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez that yu gyz all has herd about that feller Noah whu bildid an ARK, which is a kind of boat fer carryin lotsa critterz in it. She sez that yu akshul beleev whut that hoomin baibul teetch: that Noah wer The Gy, an that the aminals wer sorta aftrthogts. Huh. In the piktchur, they onlee shows sheep, cuz sheep wer popular cuz of their fur, not lik, say, anteaters or herons. That's OK, tho, cuz mom sez that the art that gets protektid is uzhual the art that supports the PO-LIT-IKUL STATUS QWO. So we are disappointed, but we'r not too surprizd.

Still, I figgr that yu wud rathr noe the akshul trooth, so I is goin to tells yu it. But becuz it migt get long (lik littrbox long: go now!!!), an som of mai reedrz migt hav trubbul wift lolcat speak, I is havin mom do the tranzlaytin fer me. She tellz me that her Jeezus fellr sed that “the trooth will mayks yu free,” so she is willin to halp all she kin. Yu noe, somtim, when she tayks naps when I wants to plae, or wants to plae when it cleerlee naptim, I thingk mai mom is ridiklus. But at tims lik theezes, I lovs her. Huh. She gots that emptee mynd that we all shud stryv fer.

Mom Says:

1. There is a difference between empty and open. I have an open mind. Open. Not empty.
2. I lovs yu tu, Musashi. So heer is yer skriptchur.

Musashi Sez:

Mom, don’t doooo that!

Mom Says:

Oops. Sorry.

Musashi Sez:

Huh. Now mai creaytiv joosiz hav stopt flowin. I jus cannot prodoos seeryus litratchur if yu’r goin to criteek me all the tim or, eevn wers, talks about lov. Huh. Mai jentul reedrz will jus hav to wayts til next tim, an that migt werk betterer, sins that’ll be aftr yer jooree dootee, an also I will hav gotten ovr mai shtink. Hrrmph.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Anothr Alturnativ Theeory Ceilin Cat Don't Cayr Fer

Musashi Sez:

In the speerit of offrin lotsa poyntz of vyu, I has desydid to tell yu about anothr of them cozmik theeoreez, onlee this tim, it is a theeory that hadzd inflooins on the eeventz of the hoomin baibul an the kittee baibul (which it turn out is not the saym as lolcat bible; whu nu?). So I tell yu whut folks beleevd wae bak, an laytr on, when I gets ther in mai nu revyzd verzhun of kittee baibul, I will tell yu how it all fit togethr.

See, wae bak, about 2 millenieniumz ago, in Souft Merika, lotsa peeples wer beleevin in this god naymd Qwetzlko-attul. He wuz a snayk wift a coat mayd of green fethrz. His naym meen (yu not goin to beleev this) “snayk wift fethrz.” He wuz god of ayr an wind an knowin stuffs. The hoominz killed aminals to keep him happee. It wer a verree uglee tim. But the Aztek kitteez, whu not noe betterer, worshipppt him, an yu kin imajin the attrakshun to a kittee of somthin that is part wigglee snayk an part berd. They musta ben watchin him fer hours an hours wiftout eevn blingkin.

I gives yu piktchurz of whut this god feller migt hav lookt lik. Pertee scaree feller. I gotta say, I todallee preferz Ceiling Cat, whu at leest look lik me, an isn’t neer as scary. Huh.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Ceiling Cat Finishiz Creaytin Stuffs

Mom Says:


7. So Ceiling Cat napped and woke and stretched and napped again, gathering strength for this new creating business. And when he finally woke, he found that he had been blocking the sun’s rays from hitting Urf properly, and that some of the Urf’s seas had turned to ice, covering large portions of the land. So Ceiling Cat leaped! up and went down to Urf, and where his hot paws landed, the ice began to melt.

8. And Ceiling Cat coughed and coughed and produced hairball after hairball, and he shaped them to fly in the air and swim in the waters and to play on the ice and on the land. He was particularly proud of the woolly mammoths and saber tooth tigers. And the more he created, the more fun he had. He made bugs and birds, humans and horses, rats and rabbits, lions and lynxes, kiwis and kangaroos. He made stretchy animals like elephants and giraffes and round animals like turtles, ladybugs and hippopotomotmusses, and when he had done that, he realized he was just getting silly. So he purred loudly, breathing on the creatures, and then curled up and took a nap.

9. But the creatures were making so much noise, mooing and squawking and chirping, that Ceiling Cat was unable to sleep. So he picked up this animal and that by the scruff of the neck and deposited them in different places, some in the desert and some in the forests, some on glaciers and some beneath the mountains. And when there were different kinds of animals spread out around the whole Urf, Ceiling Cat purred, saying, “Now I is nevr goin to be bored agen, cuz I mayded all these creetchurz to be awsom lik me, and I is so happy that I is goin to take a nap.”

10. But before he curled up, he took some dirt and some ice and made a big white ball and put it on the opposite side of Urf from the sun, so that it would reflect the sun’s light and remind him not to sleep between the sun and the Urf. And because it looked like it was mooning him, Ceiling Cat named the ball Moon. And then, because he had worked so hard, Ceiling Cat curled up and napped. Kthxbai.

Musashi Sez:

OK, now yu noe the whol creayshun storee, the reelz one, not that ol hoomin peeples verzhun. Yu kin tell the diffruns cuz the hoomin storeez alwaez mayk it soundz lik hoomin are the perpuss of evrthin, an that is rediklus. An their verzhun of Ceiling Cat doesn't nap neerlee enugf fer all the werk he do. This kinda thingkin is calld "critikul interpretayshun" or possibul "HERMENEUTICS." But I doesn't noe whu this Herman feller is.

Mom Says:

I just want everyone to know that I really do know how to spell hipopopto-- hippopotma-- I really do know how to spell millennia.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Teetchin the Alturnativ Theeory

Musashi Sez:

Mom wuz telling me that in Kansas somplays, they has a rool that wen they teetch 1 big theeoree of the yoonivers, they has to teetch the othr 1 as well. So I’m goin to tell yu what som folks thingk, whu doesn’t beleev in Ceiling Cat an his hard werk creaytin evrthin.

Parentlee, som folks in diffrint parts of the wurld beleev that the wurld is shaypt lik a reellee big flat playt. The playt sits on the bak of a elefunt, and the elefunt is standin on the bak of a turtul.

Som folks, lik Sir Terry Pratchett, say it’s akshul 4 elefunts standin on the bak of a jynormus space turtul whu is swimmin thru the cosmos. Othr folks say, no, is just one elefunt, but it’s turtuls all the wae down.

Non of theez folks has egsplaynd to mai satisfaxshun how the elefunt (or elefunts) an the turtul (or turtuls) go ther in the first plays, tho.

But aneewae, now yu noe. Also, is importint not to mok peeples whu doesn’t beleev saym as yu. Probabul yu kin nibbul at their toez, howevr.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Genesis According to Musashi 1:1-6

Musashi Sez:

OK. So I sed befor that I wud writ a nu Baibul thin, that mayded mor sens fer kittees. So I startid writin it and drawin the pictchurz, but I wuzn't shur that the hoomin peeples, whu ar the peeples whu cayrz most about the othr Baibul, wud unnerstan it compleetlee. So I asksed Mom to typ it up in mor hoomin Inglish, an onlee yooz LOLcat speak fer wen Ceiling Cat talkd or fer speshul werds. An Mom's genrullee cool, so she sed OK. So heer is the start. We hasn't figgerd out yet how to mayk jpgs out of mai crayon piktchurz that I droo. So we are yoozin othr stuffs fer now. Kthx.

Mom Says:

1. Ceiling Cat Creates the Universe and Everything, Including Urf

1. In the beginning, when Ceiling Cat created the universe, there was a whole lot of nothing absolutely everywhere, like darkness and dust and water and stuff, all mixed up. And Ceiling Cat hovered around, swooping over the face of the waters, being curious. Then Ceiling Cat said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayks ligt.” And there was light. And Ceiling Cat purred; and Ceiling Cat separated the dark from the light, and curled up and took a nap.

2. And Ceiling Cat woke up and stretched and said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayk som planetts out of the dust, an starz out of the ligt, an toss them into the dark bits.” And it happened. And Ceiling Cat purred and chased the planets and the stars around in the dark, leaping! and pouncing! on them and purring so loudly that they all spun around in the dark and they played with Ceiling Cat for a couple of millenieniums. And Ceiling Cat curled up and took a nap.

3. And Ceiling Cat woke up and stretched and licked his toes and his belly and watched the planets and the stars playing together like kittens, and he said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayks a speshul planet?” And he coughed and coughed and spat up a hairball, and shaped it into a planet, adding water and dust from the other planets, and sending it spinning with the others. And Ceiling Cat said, “I cogft up this planet, ‘urf, urf, urf,’ so I goin to call it Urf.” And Ceiling Cat purred and played with Urf, patting it and pouncing! on it, and leaving it with his footprints in some places and tall bits of dirt in others (like your litterbox, but much bigger and much nicer). And the Urf was hot and wet and Ceiling Cat said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayk weedz an green stuffs?” And Urf brought forth weeds and green stuff of all kinds, and huge trees and brightly colored flowers of all kinds. And Ceiling Cat romped over the Urf, rolling in the weeds and chewing on the leaves and pouncing! on the flowers. And Ceiling Cat purred and curled up and took a nap.

4. When Ceiling Cat woke up, lots of millenieniums had passed. And he looked at the universe, at the planets and stars, and the darkness between them, and at Urf and its water and mountains and weeds and green stuff. And Ceiling Cat purred and said, “This all grayt! But I is bored.” So Ceiling Cat pooped on the Urf’s dirt, and kicked dirt and leaves over it and then rolled it into different shapes, tall, long, round and thin. Large as trees and small as leaves he made them, and he gave them teeth and claws and tails and wings, and said, “Be dinosaurs and romp around and eat stuff and practice your leaping! and pouncing!” And he breathed on them and purred. The dinosaurs of different kinds lived among the green plants and the fiery mountains. And Ceiling cat purred and curled up and took a nap.

5. Ceiling Cat woke and stretched and ran about the universe for a while, among the planets romping in the dark. He made stuff on some planets (which is secret and none of your business) and left other planets alone. And after several millenieniums doing this, he began to miss Urf, so he went back to see how the dinosaurs were doing.

6. Now Urf had changed considerably while Ceiling Cat was gone. Most of the volcanoes had fallen asleep and lots of dinosaurs had fallen into tar pits. But the one change Ceiling Cat had intended had not come to pass. The dinosaurs still had no fur. Ceiling Cat sprawled near the sun and thought. He realized that he had made the dinosaurs from his poop. If he wanted creatures to have fur, he would have to make them from his fur. Also, the dinosaurs, though fun to watch, were not very smart, for he had given them more muscle than brain, so they walked into tar pits and got themselves killed so that after only a few hundred millenieniums, there were almost none of them left. He would take thought and make new creatures. Right after a nap.

Mom Explains:

I really do know how to spell millennia, but Musashi insists that his spelling sounds much longer.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Writin Blok: I Has It

Musashi Sez:

We not havin a blog todae, cuz mom is tierd out from bein smartypants all day yestrdae, an I has the writin blok. So thingk of somthin verree funnee. Pertend I told yu it. Kthxbai.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Musashi’s Shtring Theoree

Musashi Sez:

Happee Autom! As probabul most of yu reedrz noe, last monft was mai haf-birftdae, an mai rescue dae memerorial, 08/08 (an that’s why mai middul naym is Octavian). Fer that ospishus dae, I gots a green shtring from mai frend Jenna, an (when she had comd bak from Pitsberg) a fuzzy ninja moussee on a stretchee shtring from mai mom. Her naym is Shteller. The moussee, not mom. But this post is about shtringz, not ninjaz. This post about (dum-dum-DUM!): The Importins of Dentl Haijeen (an Sayfty Also).

Som peeples thingk that I only liv the life of a lidderary sellebriddy, but is not tru. In fact, I works very hard. Fer example, evry nigt, I com in baftroom wher mom is FLOSSING an BRUSHING her teeft. I junp up on the edje of sink an fossl-a-tate. I maks shur that she's doin it rigt: chewin on shtring an brushin wift the brusht. Then, wuns I shur she hasn't fergottin stuff, I junp down to the bathtub, to mak shur that no Bathtub Shnowzerz are comin up to attackle her or me. I told yu all about the shnowzerz wae bak in Janyooaree, so if yu hav forgot, yu shud go bak an refresh yer memorrary.

But heer’z the importint part fer all yu kitteez out ther. It akshul not jus mom whu hav to FLOSS wift shtring (an her shtring is green also). I gotsta FLOSS tooo. I fyndid this out bak in Jooly wen I vizitid the vet, a nys laydee whu say mai breft akshul stink fer a gud reezon, an that is jenetiks. Parentlee, I migt has som Mayn Coon kittee in me. They’r noen fer bein big an havin toothal problims. Huh. Win som, looz som, I ges.

Aneewae, mai verree niftee shtring from Jenna is the bestest. It is long an fuzzee, which meen it is mor fun an also that wen I FLOSS, it probabul catch mor stuff. The coolest part is it’s got like 7 or 8 endz, cuz I’ll be playin wift 1 an then mom danguls anothr abov mai hed, an jus as I grabs at that end, ther anothr 1 comin around at me! It lik majik, I thingks, boft fun an gud fer mai toofts. Betweeen that an the speshul toothal fud I got perscrybd bai mai vet, mai mouft smell mutch betterer an I am a happier kittee.

So all yu littul kitteez gots to rememember to FLOSS jus lik Onkul Musashi! K?