Friday, December 31, 2010

The Lastest Blog of the Yeer

Mom Says:

Call him…Musashi.

Some days ago--never mind how long precisely--having no purse, and nothing particular to interest him on shore, he thought he would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way he has of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever he find hisself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in his soul;… it requires a strong moral principle to prevent him from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, we all account it high time fer him to get to sea as soon as he can.…

There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with him.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

We Has Seen The Emeny!

Mom Says:

Musashi, was that a pun in that last blog entry?

Musashi Sez:

Hnrf, hnrf, hnrf! Yus, I maydz a funnee!

Mom Says:

Right...Okay, mateys, listen up! Our intrepid crew of the Good Ship Partmint are coming around to bear on a possible enemy ship. The First Mate is in the crow's nest with the telescope, sussing out the vessel's complement. When he climbs down, the news isn't good.

Musashi Sez:

I cud see immediatlee, the nooz wuzn't gud.

"Cap'n, they'r all wearin funnee hats an ey-patchiz."

"Um...that cud be a fashin staytmint! An injooriez sustaynd in the lin of dootee figtin eevil whalrz!"

"An they'r carryin weppinz!"

I lookd throogh the scop. "Oh, wull, scimitarz..."

Qwartrmastr Haydee cut in, "Them's cutlasses, Cap'n. An Greenpeas isn't noen to yooz cutlasses."

"They as skulls an crossbonz on 'em," sez Josh halpfullee.

I lookd agen to figgr out whut the big flash of red wuz. It wuz...Captin Morgin, lookin typikul arrogint, wift his foot on a keg. Huh. I NOT liks him.

"All rigt, mateys," sez I, "it's Morgin lookin fer advertyzin baybz, jus lik yu sed. Haydee, yu goez below an put them bowlin ballz in thoz big blak things."


"Yus! Meenwhil--"

"Cap'n?" sez Josh.

"Whut now?"

"Cap'n, they gots a team readyin grapplin hooks...and Cap'n?"


"The team is mayd of Boardin Collies, soopr-smartypants doggeez shu has been traynd to thro grapplin hooks to the next ship an run across the rops an, um, rip out our--I mean, their emeneez'--throgts."

"Hmm," I sez. "Wull, that OK. I gots a brillyunt ideer. Here's mai Sekrit Plan..."

Mebbe a Trik?

Mom Sez:

When last we left our intrepid Captain Musashi of the Good Ship Partmint, he was facing portents of mutiny from his usually loyal and trusty crew, because of his indecision about the far-off clipper and its suspicious flag-switching behavior. Clearly, the good captain is too excited about his rescue mission to remember Maritime Politics 101, Class #8, from his mail-order captain's licensing course...

Musashi Sez:

To mai frutstratid crue I egsplaynz: "We goin to see that Greenpeas ship an meet them Rainbow Worriers!"

"Nar, but that's the saym vessel wot wuz flyin the UN rag afore!" sez mai crue.

"Wull, mebbe they wuz tryin to skeer off them Japineez whalr typs."

"Yus," sez mai crue, "but mebbee...they is...pirates!"

"In this dae an ayj?...Pirates?"

"Yus. They probabul eethr Somalianz lookin fer slayvz or possibul Captin Morgn, whu lookin fer baybz fer his advertizin."

"Huh, so yu thingks we shud steer cleer?"

"Hmm. Lemmee see yer scop, Cap'n," sez mai Firsts Mayt. He sqwintz throogh mai scop an sez, "Hmm. Green flag wift big rainbow an whit piktchrz of continints...But...ther no othr rainboz. Greenpeas ships alwaez gots a rainbow on the hull too. It might be...a pirate trik?"

"Huh! Scurvee nayvz..."

Mai eyz gottid verree big. "Wull," sez I slolee. "If they ar Greenpeas, we cud get autrgrafs an som gud vejtabultareeyun recipeez fer mai mom...If they're... pirates, then we kin tayk ovr their ship an bring it bak to the qween an get knigtid!"

Mai qwartermastr points out, "Um, Cap'n, we isn't got a qween. We has a president."

"Whut a disappointmint. Cud we goes to Inglund then? They still gots a qween, don't they?"

"Yus," sez mai Firtst Mayt, "But that'll delay our rescyoo misshun."

I stayrz inskrootablee ovr the wayvz. Finlee, I sez, "Qwartrmastr? Mayk mushroomz fer luntch. What we gots heer is a Morel dillemr, an it paes to be perpayrd!"

"Mushroomz, aye, aye!"

Our Sea Adventchur Get Innerestin!

Musashi Sez:

Wull the seaz ar runnin high todae, but we gotz plentee of noms an a fair breez carryin us along, so I figgr we gots smooth saylin. We eevn gots big, noyzee seagullz on the roofs--I mean, the spars--of the othr ships. This sea'z a busy neigborhood!

In fact, from mai pozishun in the ravin's-nest, I kin see a verree innerestin ship comin norft in our direkshun. I can't see the flag too gud. I thingk it's that POW-MIA one they flies at teh Post Offis. So mebbe this a postal ship, carryin a poscard from mai mom! I bettr hoyst the maynyards an stuff to sayl us in that direkshun.

"Hoyst the maynyards!" I yells.

"Hoyst the maynyards, aye, aye!" yells bak mai trusty crue.

But as we gets closerer, I notis the blak flag comin down an a pertee bloo one goin up. I puts on mai glov wift the tellyscop attachd and luk throogh it. I see stars an a map of a planet. It's the Unitee Nayshunz. Huh. That no fun! We go bak.

"Brace yer lanyards," I shouts.

"Brace yer lanyards, aye, aye!" shouts mai crue.

But as we're veerin bak to our soufterlee cors, I looks bak an the pertee bloo flag is comin down an a noo flag is runnin up: brigt green wift a big ol' rainbow. That the Greenpeas flag! I alwaez wantid to meet them Rainbow Worrier gyz. Tim fer anothr cors correkshun.

"Brace yer maysayls!"

"Wot the blinketee-blink yu doin, ther, Cap'n? First, ye sez hoyst this, then it's brace that, an now it's brace that othr thin. Makes up yer mind, why dontcher!"

Uh oh! This cud meen myootinee!

A Noo Adventchur! At Sea!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I has nuuz from the semafor pijjinz. Turns out mai mom's bot, the Gud Ship Hous, has runnd aground among the Seaz of Wintr, amid a maritym blizzerd, an she now adrift on a dessert iland, full of lotsa piez: cranberree an appul an nut an turkee an lik that.

So cleerlee it mai dootee to Up Saylz! on this Gud Ship Partmint. Wift mai loyl crue, Firtst Mayt "Layzr Poyntr" Josh an Qwartrmastr "Can Opnr" Haydee, I mus sayl souft to rescyoo mai mom. It mayk me feel lik singin! (ahem, me, me, me, me!)

Mai fathr wuz the keepr of the Eddyston Ligt
He slept wift a mermayd one fyn nigt
An frum that littr ther caym 3:
Porpus; Porkypin; the othr wuz ME!

Yo ho ho an the wind run free,
O fer a lyf on the rollin sea!
Yo ho ho an the wind run free,
O fer a lyf on the rollin sea!

Porpus got a job jumpin at Sea World.
Porkypin spends mosta his tim curled.
I'm saylin off to the Iland of Desserts
To find mai mom and to rescyoo her!

Yo ho ho an the wind run free,
O fer a lyf on the rollin sea!
Yo ho ho an the wind run free,
O fer a lyf on the rollin sea!

Monday, December 27, 2010

A Post-Boxin Dae Caril

Musashi Sez:

Wull, Mom emayld me from wher she vizitin fer Chrismous. She sed she wantid to go souft fer the holidaez. But sins she's a teetchr, an not mayk oodulz of monee, she dozn't go verrree far: onlee to Nu Hayvn, in Conekticutycutt or somplays lik that. That wher mai Granpa an Granmom liv, wift mai Onkul Ben, whu is a Spanyul, which is a typ of doggee, if yu kin beleev it. Aneewae, ther wuz a snowstorm down ther, jus lik the one we hadsd up heer, an so she ben verree bizzee, not jus doin whut she call manyool laybr (which not got to do wift the reglar yool, as in yool-log or yooltid cheer), but also, becuz her dedrcayshun to mai literaree endevrz is so strong, she gayv me lotsa mateeryul fer mai blog todae. So heer is SIAWW= Shovlin in a Wintr Wundrland.

Shovel on! Snow is flyin!
Perttee street wift whit stuff pilin.
Wift crstulz of 6
An somtimz som sticks:
Shovlin in a wintr wundrland!

Gon awae is the sidwalk.
As they dig, neigbors grunt-talk
An grimmis all dae
The Eksimo wae,
Shovlin in a wintr wundrland.

In teh windo, kittee sits awatchin.
Tryin to pick up a trik or 2.
Mom sez that it's all about "writst akshun,"
But if that's so then why is her noez blu?

Laytr on, ovr coco,
Kittee sits on her cold toez
To warm them up 'til
She fall asleep, still
Dreemin of that shovlin wundrland.

So we liks this song, eevn tho Mom not seem qwyt so "Singin in the Sno" about it. I think it's cuz it's the govvermint's falt. See, yoozhul, the govvermint paes Jack Frotst subsideez to not com by so offin. But wift all the eeconominical problims they ben havin, they desiderated to mayk som cutbaks. Wull, parentlee, they did cutbaks in Mr. Frotst's subsideez, an now we immeediatlee seein the reezults. That called "politics." Huh. I not thingk mutch of it.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It's the Short, Shortiest Dae of the Yeer!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, we is wae behin on them daes of Chrismous, but sins todae is the onliest dae of Wintr Solstis, we is maykin an egsepshun on our uzhul habit of catchin up layter. Instead, we gives yu som bonna fyd Solstis Carils, fer yer fence-singin plezhur. WNALS= We Needs a Littul Solstis, and HYAMLS= Hav Yerself a Merree Littul Solstis. Kinda lik problim an solooshun all wrappt up together in crunchee papyr wift bowz!

Round up the Romanz
We must remind the sun
of its June Twentee vow.
Cut down the holly.
Bring owt yer golden sicklez:
Let’s be jolly, an how!

Cuz we needs a littul Solstis
Rigt this verree moments
A grayt big bonfyr burnin
an foez tostin lik donuts!
Yes, we needs a littul Solstis
Rigt this verree minit,
We needs a littul solstis NOW!!!

I writid that one maiself aftr doin som reserch on wikrpeedia. But now we ar goin to tayk it down a bit, cuz if yu wor yerself out todae, yu’ll be getting sleepee abowt now, an we meenz to halp. Sweet dreemz fer this altitoodinal yeer. Lov, MUSASHI

Has yerself a merree littul Solstis.
Run around all dae.
Then yu’ll zonk an sleep all of thoz
hourz awae.
Has yerself a merree littul Solstis
Tho the nigt is long.
When sun returnz we’ll all be back
wher we belong.

Snuggld up on our qwilt agen
Havin happee dreemz of fish!
Mom’s ol frends will drink tea agen,
Pettin me agen, I wish.

Somdae soon we all will be together
If Ceiling Cat allow.
Until then, we’ll have to muddul throo
So has yerself a merree littul Solstis

Saturday, December 18, 2010

One of Owr Fayvrits

Musashi Sez:

So this one is a fayvrit of me an Mom boft, cuz we liks to sing it. Also, we has ben watchin theez videoz on YuTuub, an we has relizd that balls are verree popyoolar among all sortsa speesheez. We’v watchd videoz wher doggeez an kitteez playd wift ballz, chaysin them lik soccr playrz, an also goatz an horseez, whch yu migt not egspekt. We saw lionz an tygrz an poomrz plae wift pumpkinz lik soccr balls, an polr bearz also lovs to bouns round things. But whatchu migt not beleev is whut we saw the othr night: a Ladybug playin ball wift some colrd sprinklz!!! Aneewae, heer is the caril: JB = Jingul Ballz

Jingul ballz, jingul ballz,
Playin wift mai toyz!
O, whut fun it is to play
wift the onez that mayk som noiz! Hey!

Playin wift mai toyz
Maykin mousseez run,
Pounsin on mai mom
An the ottrman!

I chays the ball-wift-bell.
It alwaez gets awae!
An so I chays my Mom-Sue’z toez,
I kin do that all dae! Hey!

Jingul ballz, jingul ballz,
Playin wift mai toyz!
O, whut fun it is to play
wift the onez that mayk som noiz! Hey!

Friday, December 17, 2010

A 2Fer: I Doez Yu a Fayvr by NOT Givin Latin & A Caril Fer Mynrz

Musashi Sez:

So, this next Chrismous Caril, is akshul a song about the onlee son of Ceiling Cat, whu got naymd Happy Cat, an I keep thingkin that it cudda ben mutch, mutch worsr: he cudda ben naymd Felix, Garfield, Fang, Snowball, or Puss. Instead, at leest he got a naym that akshul caym clos to whut them Ceilingists claym he wuz all about (tho I maiself is skptikkul about him, as I is a Catatarian Universalist). Anneewae, them Ceilingists sae that this Happee Cat is goin to sayv us all, but they not sae cleerlee whut he goin to sayv us frum. So I remayns skeptikkul. Here is the song: O,CAYF = O, Com All Ye Furtiv

O, com all ye furtive,
graysful an abundant.
O, com, all ye felynz of kittee-dom.
Com, an ignor him,
born of Ceiling Catness.
O, com, let us ignor him,
O, com, let us ignor him,
O, com, let us ignor him,
Happy Cat.

Sing, qwyrz of kitteez,
Sing upon the fensiz,
Sing all yu kitteez whu sing in the clouds.
Glory to Ceiling
Cat whu watchiz ovr us.
O, com, let us ignor him,
O, com, let us ignor him,
O, com, let us ignor him,
Happy Cat.

OK. That wuz fer the dae bfor yestrdae. This comin one is fer todae.

This partklr Christmous Caril is clos to mai gizzard, as it is one that mai mom somstimz sing out of seezon. This caril wuz firstest sung by the brigt yello canareez that got careed down into them scaree dark mynz that them hoomin peeples went down into and eventchoolee got stuck in wae back a hundrid yeerz ago. An, yah, it got started wift them Ceilingist typs whu struck som reformz, but still I persnul thingk it is jus a gud song.

GRYM,G (SDETP) = Good Rabbits Rest Yon Mondae, God (so dont ekspekt their prayrz)

Good rabbits rest on Mondae, God.
so don’t ekspekt their prayrz.
They werk so hard six dayez a week
by Mondae they’re tired hares,
Fergettin how our Ceiling Cat
werked hard to brayk despair.
O, tidings of stayrin at the wall
at the wall,
O, tidings of stayrin at the wall.

This is offishul our fifthteenth dae of Chrismous.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Anothr Song

Musashi Sez:

So, altho we givd yu a respit from our cat-er-wallin, todae we givs yu som of the leeriks fer JTTW (CCIC!) = Join Thou the Wave (Ceiling Cat Is Com!)

Join thou the Wave, Ceiling Cat is com!
If yu’r on the cowtch, mayk room!
Cuz Universul Butt
he ha-a-a-a-az!
From nommin cheezee puffs:
An lissenin to Jazz,
An lissen, lissenin unto Jazz.

Join thou the Wave, Ceiling Cat is com!
Let kitteez their pawz raiz!
The Toms an the Calicoz
Tygrz an the gerl-typ cats,
Rejoycin in theez daez,
Rejoycin in theez daez,
Rejoycin, joycin in theez daez.

Ceiling Cat roolz! We all agreez,
Cuz if yu don’t, he’ll PoWNS!
Yer toez will turn to dust,
Yer breft will smell lik coffee,
An that wud be reel bad.
An mayk yu feel qwit sad.
So say He Roolz! Yu will be glad!

Yu kin sing this eevn at offis parteez, altho yu may finds yerselfs singin it alon. Nevr mind. This is offishul our forteenth dae of Chrismous.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Caril to Bild Yer Self-Esteem (if yu not a kittee)

Musashi Sez:

It has com to our attenshun that folks whu is not kitteez not alwaez got the good self-esteem. Mai mom does ok fer a hoomin, cuz she is part Leo, but mos hoomin peeplez not eevn got that mutch. So I will tell yu about a caril that migt be gud fer yu to sing. When I sent Ont Nansee mai ansr to her puzzul, I said that AIAM = Alleluia, I Am Musashi. She wrot bak that her kittee Qween Magda, said it standed fer Alleluia, I am Magda, and she is rigt an so is I. See, akshul, the song is Alleluia, I am Me, but yu kin futz it to make it fit yu, altho this is eezier if yu gots a M naym.

But I gives yu the song as I lerned it in mai hed.

Allelooyer, feed me tooner!
Allelooya, I am heer!
Wift cold noziz
An cyoot toziz
I hav com to bring yu cheer!

Ceiling Cat gets all the gloree:
We noe that, the saym ol’ storee.
But don’t feel bad!
Yu shud be glad!
Alleyooya, yu hav me!

I not a dog,
Nor hoomin hog,
I not a dinasaur or three!
Yay! Hooray!
Upon this dae:
Alleluia, I am ME!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A Noo Caril fer Yu

Musashi Sez:

So I asksed mai Ont Nansee about them 2 songs that I cudn’t thingk of, an she asksd her kitteez, Ambros an Qween Magda, an they sed the first one, WWYAMC = We Want Yarn an Minty Catnip. Huh. I did indeed fergetid that one. I gives you the firstest verse heer, so yu kin sing it along wift us.

We want yarn an minty catnip:
That is the theem of our song.
And if yu
Givs us tishoo paypr too,
Then we kin plae wift it
All yeer long.

As yu migt has notissd, this is in the catrgoree of Christmous List, lik that faymous song by that Ordr of Chipmonks, yu noe the one wher they sings how they wants a playn that loops-the-loop an also a hoolee-hoop.

Fyoo peeples noe about the chipmonks. They tayks vows to be obeedyunt an chays each other up an down trees. They not do that povertee thing tho.

This is offishul our firstest dae of Chrismous.

Friday, December 10, 2010

A Egsytin Noo Puzzul! Fer Christmus!

Musashi Sez:

My mom's buddee, Rev-Nansee, sent us this verree amyoozin puzzul to solv. I solvd most of it--altho it tookt me half a hour. In the followin, I givs yu mai ansrz. Ther still 2 I not abl to solv. If yu kin solv them, let me noe. Also, if yu ar innerestid in lernin the werdz to anee of theez carolz, yu lets me noe an I givs yu them. Ok. Heer they ar:

AIAM = Alleluia, I Am Musashi
JTTW (CCIC!) = Join Thou the Wave (Ceiling Cat Is Com!)
O,CAYF = O, Come All Ye Furtiv
GRYM,G (SDETP) = Good Rabbits Rest Yon Mondae, God (so dont ekspekt their prayrz)
WTK = We Three Kittees
OLTOB = O Littul Tub of Buttrskwash
HYAMLC = Has Yerself a Merree Load of Catnip
H!THAS = Hark! The Harold Angel Sings (or hark, harold the angel sings?)
TFN = Too Friggin' Noelly
GKW = Good King Wheresmysausage
ICUAMC = It Caym Upon a Mailman, Clark
IHTBOCD = I Hayt This Brand of Cat Dinnr
JB = Jingul Ballz
OCT = O Christmas Tea
IDOAWC = I'm Dreemin of a Wet Christmous
WCIT = What Catnip Iz This?
IBTLALC (TY) = I Bet the Laykrz Are a Lost Coz (This Yeer)
ISMKSC = I Saw Men from the Knights of St. Columbus

An whil I am not convins that all 20 ar egzaklee Chrismus carolz, yu kin waegh in on that ishoo as well.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Waykin UP the Hard Wae

Musashi Sez:

Som gyz musta ben sneekin into mai bedrum wae erlee in the mornin, cuz they mayd a hox videeo of me an mai mom tryin to get her out of bed. Wull, she don't trai so hard as I do. This videeo got it wrong: It has the blak cat wift the whit cummerbun sayin whut mai mom sez an the orf-camra vois-ovr is sayin whut I allus sez. So yu has to imajinayt a bit to watch this an figger whut our mornins is lik.

The moovee is rigt heer:

The imijiz com from Simon's Cat, in partiklr, the episod, "Cat Man Do." In Jermin that's "Katz im Morgen." Jus in cays yu is or talks the Jermin.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Abov an Ovr Away from Mai Dootee

Mom Says:

I’d like to thank Musashi for so patiently listening to me give my presentation on Gothic cathedrals last night, staying awake during it, and giving me valuable feedback on what to cut. He also gave me Speshul Kittee Shiatsu on the 2nd and 3rd chakras this morning, to get my enthusiasm and spiritual power, and apparently digestion, working extra well. My presentation was well received.

Musashi Sez:

Yus, and jus to sho yu I reellee wuz lisnin, I tells yu whut I lernd about thoz Goth’s catheedrulz. First, they happened in citeez wher ther lotsa peoplez and monnee to pae them all. Cuz theez importint biship gyz wantid to figt heresee, which is lik, not agreein wift biships.

This Abbot naymd Sugar (but he was Frentch, so his naym shudda been Sucre, huh) inventid Goth, which had lotsa ligts and ordrz. They cud do this cuz they had all theez new compyootrz eevn tho they didn’t have rulerz. So I gess they went on the innerwebs an ordrd all thoz ligts onlyn.

Mom Sez:

Um, Musashi, not all technology is electronic.

Musashi Sez:

Hush. I telling whut I lernd, not whut yu thingk yu teetchd.

Aneewae, as I wuz sayin befor I wuz so roodly inneruptid, theez Bildr Bob gyz, they putted piktchurz of themselves on the wallz somtimz, lik in the bakgroun behin that Jeezus fellr. An somtimz they puttid the Gild logos on the windoz if a Gild had givd them monnee, cuz Goth is verree egspensiv. Somtimz they eevn puttid piktchurz up way high in back of pillrz an stuff, wher noboddee cud see them egsept Ceiling Cat an the gy wift the reellee, reellee tall laddr whu go up ther to cleen evr 500 yeerz or so.

Cuz yu reellee don’t want Ceiling Cat bord. He migt pouns yer toez!