Mor on Them Egstra Holee Typs

Musashi Sez:

So I am thingkin about maykin mai own Egstra Holee Peeples Book, an drawin the piktchrz fer it. I dozn’t call them “saints” cuz that werd sugjest that onlee hoomin peeples kin be holee, an if yu looks at histree, yu kin see that ar ridiklus. So I yooz “egstra holee” instead. Langwidj is importint. (Spellin, not so mutch.) This why I insist on yoozin mai naytiv LOLCat to writ in.

In mai book, I goin to inclood a few hoomins, lik Noah, an Jayn Goodal, an that English fellr William Wilberforce whu co-founded the Royal Societee fer the Pertekshun of Aminals. But mostlee, they will be all them aminal holee peeples whu alwaez gets leftid out of the hoomin books:

Egstra Holee Buffalo: Martyr of America. Nuff sed.

Egstra Holee Tygr: This gy in hidin, moslee, to keep frum bein a martyr, which mayk mutch mor sens to me. He meditayts a lot, offin whil lyin on a tree brantch, which is not so eezee as it look.

Egstra Holee Kittee of Norwich: Whil this kittee’z naym has not com down to us, we ar pertee shur that she tol that laydee Julian evreething she nue about Ceiling Cat.

Egstra Holee Bernard of the Alps: Obveeuslee. Eevn the hoominz agree on him. But they wud, cuz he careez brandee around wift him.

Parentlee, ther also is St. Roch's Doggee frend, an som big whyt bull in Spayn. But, this will get me startid fer now. I gots to go fyndz mai crayonz. Kthxbai.

That Noah Gy, Part 2

Musashi Sez:

Wull! It has ben a long week, an no jok. It alreddee Wenzdae! Huh. An I ben distraktid, cuz I gots a noo roommayt, whu's laundree an books an stuff I hadz to sniff, cuz, yu noe that mai job, or part of it. But that not meen I not ben thingkin about mai jentul reedrz. So todae we givin yu the Lolcat Bible fer the next bit of the Noah storee. Then tomorrer I tell yu wich bits mayk sens an wich bits is jus ridiklus.

Mom Says:

Genesis 7: 1-23 Ceiling Cat Sendz teh Wetness

1 Ceiling Cat den said to Noah, "Goes into teh ark, yu and yer kittens, (cuz yu’r coolz an righteous an stuff, in dis generayshun) to taek wift yu 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an its mate.

3 An also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female, cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female (for saem reason) to keep their various kindz livin throughout teh Urf. Fer 7 daiz and frum nao I’m gonna send teh wetness on teh Urf. A little advice, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez.

4 Fer 40 daiz and 40 nites, it goin to be wet and I goin to pwn some n00bs. Pwned!

5 An Noah did what Ceiling Cat told him to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and teh bullz.

6 Noah was liek reely old when teh wetness came. 7 An Noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz. 8 All teh moo cows and teh other creetchurz Ceiling Cat saidz; 9 male an female, came to Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him. 10 An after teh 7 daiz, teh wetness came.

11 In da, like, 6ooth year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth—on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz spewed waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend. 12 An teh wetnessez came to teh Urf an it was all wet.

13 On dat dai, teh sons of Noah (Shem, Japheth, and Ham, wift ther wivz), 14 Tehy hads 2 of evry kind of aminal accordin to its kind, all moo accordin to its kind, evry creatchur dat mooves on teh grawnd, accordin to its kind an evry burd cordin to its kind, evrythin wift wings too, accordin to all kindz. 15 Pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came to Noah an enterd teh ark. 16 Teh aminals goin in wuz mayl an femayl ov evry livin thing, as Ceiling Cat had told Noah. (Except fer teh unicornz, and teh dragonz and stuffs. An that a long storree, that get told other-wher.)

17 Fer 40 dais teh flood kept comin on teh Urf, an as teh watrzs increasd they liftd teh ark high abov teh urfz. 18 Teh watrz rose an rose and rosed on teh Urf, an teh ark floatd on teh watrz. 19 They rised greatlee on teh Urf, an all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd. 20 Teh watrs rose an coverd teh mowntinz to a depth ov moar dan 20 feetz OMFGWTF!!1!

21 Evry livin thin dat movd on teh Urf perishd—burdz, moo cows, wild aminalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovr teh urf, an all hoomin peeplz. Not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet. 22 Evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.

23 Evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; hoominz an aminalz an teh creetchurz dat moov along teh ground an teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urf. Only Noah wuz left, an dose wift him in da ark.

LolCat Bible Noah

Musashi Sez:

I desydid to reminds yu about that Noah gy wift the old verzhun of it, but from the LOLcat bibl, which is mutch betterer than mai Mom’s hoomin peeples verzhun.

Genesis 6: 5-22 Ceiling Cat Tellz Noah to Mayk Big Bote

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh peepl on teh urfs wuz all wikkid an mean an evil, an dat peepl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited Wikkidpedia so evryon wud knoes how to be all wikkid an mean an evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz reely sry dat he had madez peepl on teh urf, an it maded him all sad an pissed off an stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh peepl an aminals what I has maded on teh urf; peepl an moo cows an creepy crawlyz an burdz ov teh skyz an burdz liek ostridges an stuf who can’t flyz; cuz I so sry I maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd Noah alot.

9 This is story about Noah. Noah wuz rightchus d00d, an liek mor rightchus than anyon els. Noah hung out wift Ceiling Cat a lot an lissend to tunez an played Pokemons an stuff. An somtiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him a lot.

10 An Noah begat 3 sons, Shem, Ham, an Japheth. But I alrdy told yu that.

11 An teh urf wuz corruptd an messed up, an teh urfs wuz filld wift meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urf, an saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh peepl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed to Noah, I iz gonna pwnz the whole urf cuz teh urf has mor evilz an vilents than WoW an grand theft auto. So I’m gonna pwnz tehm an teh whole urfs. All teh filez in peepls hedz iz all corruptd an dey keep emailin em to all ther frendz. I should haev kept it in Beta longr :( an inventd McAfee an Nortonz an stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz an viruses an rootkitz an stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, an cover it wift tar on teh insidez an outsiedz. An Noah sed, “Wait a minit. Yu can’t getz wood frm gophrs. Yu has to use treez.” An Ceiling Cat sed I can callz a tree a gophr if I wantz cuz I iz Ceiling Cat. So stfu an go getz yer hammerz an sawz an stuff. An Noah sed, “K, brb.”

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how yu makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits an teh width ov it 50 cubitz an teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An Noah sed, “Wtf iz a cubit?” An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. So Noah did.

16 Maek som windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai an mayk teh door in teh side. An maek it wift 1th, 2th, an 3th storiez.

17 An see, I makez teh flood ov waters upon teh whol urf, to pwnz all teh peepl an aminals an stuffz an evrythin in teh whol urfs iz gets ded.

18 But I iz taeks care ov yu an keeps yu safe cuz I lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, yu an yer sons an yer wief an ur sons wifez too.

19 An yu taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, to keep them aliv wift yu (even teh goggies); an mek shur dey ar male an femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but I wont letz dem on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mayk it too crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, an ov teh moocows, an ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind. But don’t worry about teh fishz, cuz dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh peepl an aminals lieks 2 eatz, an gathr it up; an it shall be fer fud fer yu, an fer them. An Noah sed ther’s gonna be lotz ov poopi to shuvl wift all dem aminals an stuff, an Ceiling Cat sed stfu; I iz givez dem all reel bad constipayshun so don’t worry about it. An Noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 So Noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

Musashi Egsplayns:

I lyks this verzhun betterer cuz it inkloods the qwestshunz that Noah aksd, lik about the gophr wood an all the poop. Mom told me that the old rabbis sed that Noah an his sons were shovlin or feedin pertee much nigt an dae, an that is 1 reellee rigtchus d00d. But I still liks mai verzhun best. I jus has to sit down wift mom an writ it, but laytlee mom doesn't sit down so much. She eethr runs aroun, or she plaes wift me, or she is taykin naps. Akshul, that soun like me too...

Noah, the Gy wift Thumz

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez that yu gyz all has herd about that feller Noah whu bildid an ARK, which is a kind of boat fer carryin lotsa critterz in it. She sez that yu akshul beleev whut that hoomin baibul teetch: that Noah wer The Gy, an that the aminals wer sorta aftrthogts. Huh. In the piktchur, they onlee shows sheep, cuz sheep wer popular cuz of their fur, not lik, say, anteaters or herons. That's OK, tho, cuz mom sez that the art that gets protektid is uzhual the art that supports the PO-LIT-IKUL STATUS QWO. So we are disappointed, but we'r not too surprizd.

Still, I figgr that yu wud rathr noe the akshul trooth, so I is goin to tells yu it. But becuz it migt get long (lik littrbox long: go now!!!), an som of mai reedrz migt hav trubbul wift lolcat speak, I is havin mom do the tranzlaytin fer me. She tellz me that her Jeezus fellr sed that “the trooth will mayks yu free,” so she is willin to halp all she kin. Yu noe, somtim, when she tayks naps when I wants to plae, or wants to plae when it cleerlee naptim, I thingk mai mom is ridiklus. But at tims lik theezes, I lovs her. Huh. She gots that emptee mynd that we all shud stryv fer.

Mom Says:

1. There is a difference between empty and open. I have an open mind. Open. Not empty.
2. I lovs yu tu, Musashi. So heer is yer skriptchur.

Musashi Sez:

Mom, don’t doooo that!

Mom Says:

Oops. Sorry.

Musashi Sez:

Huh. Now mai creaytiv joosiz hav stopt flowin. I jus cannot prodoos seeryus litratchur if yu’r goin to criteek me all the tim or, eevn wers, talks about lov. Huh. Mai jentul reedrz will jus hav to wayts til next tim, an that migt werk betterer, sins that’ll be aftr yer jooree dootee, an also I will hav gotten ovr mai shtink. Hrrmph.