OK, so I noez yu all has ben waytin fer me to egsplayn the big problimz of the Noah storee fer us kitteez (an also jirafs, lelephunts, lyonz, tygrz, rarmadillrz, an etc.). I’m sorree it has ben taykin me so mutch tim to writ it all down fer yu. But onestlee, it has not ben eezee. I get so upset by som of this stuff that I has to leap! up an run around the apartmnt! until the feelin go awae. An then I doesn’t dayr go bak to it fer qwyt a whil. An mai mom, whu (altho she agree wift me on how awrful this stuf iz) as she point out, gotta sleep wift me, don’t egzaktlee fors me to lokk eyz wift this problim.
Mom sed she wud halp me werk thru this, but she hasta writ a paypr fer her teetchr, an grayd payprz fer her stoodnts. So I gotta be payshunt, an I kin do that! Reelee, I kin! It moslee reqwyr nappin, wich is a form of meditaytin that mos hoomin peeples totalee ignor. Huh. (Stoopid hoomin peeples.) Ther not enugf Boodist peeples in this contree, espeshlee wunz lik me whu beleevs in Ceiling Cat an also follerz Boodr, (whu wuz qwyt a cool gy, akshulee.)
OK. So. I’m goin to settul myself betterer an then I wull writ the stuff yu all lookin fer, about how the Bibl is/isn’t all that good/bad, etc.