Saturday, December 28, 2013


Musashi Sez:

Wull, Granpa brougtid Mom bak home yesterdae, an we are verree egsytid about this! I chased her around the partmint yesterdae, just to make shur she wuz her, and she was!!! So this morning, after she feeded me around 5 am, I squozed in between her an the pillo, an I purred as hard as I cud, jus so she wud figger out how mutch I loves her. I think she figgerd it out, as she kept scritchin mai hed. But just in cays she is still cloo-less, I has been setting lov-traps. Mor on this latr.

Meanwhil, I has been testing stuffs. Like she mayded “Dharma Shepherd Deeligt” fer dinnr tonight an she think I did not unnerstand the recipe. But she way-over-unner-estimaytid me. Huh. Ther wer no shepherds in the recipe, an eevn tho she CLIAMED that ther wuz baby zukeenis, I not see any babies anywhers, so I think Mom has been maykin stuffs up. An this worreez me, cuz whut if this com from her hangin out wift them gran-parental-units?

But maybe it just has ben comin from not enugf sleep. We'll go wift that fer now...

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Steam vs. Ninja

Musashi Sez:

I noe yu is waitin to hear about the pie we were gonna mayk yestrdae, but I gots mor importint stories to tells yu. Cuz me an Mister Tyger had no sooner woken up from our nap than we saw TWO (2) bunnies. They wer our friends, PolkieDot, a Easter bunny (not the same as THE Easter bunny), an the othr one whu sometimes go by the Nom du Type Writaire of Hemingway Wong. They was jus sittin there starin at us.

Me: Good mornin. Whatchu staring at?

PD: Yu. An it no mornin. It ar eevnin.

MT: Grrowl??

HW: You are cheerful and mutch beloved by your friends.

Me: Are you being funny?

PD: Nope, he is just havin one of his littul moments. We were hopin you gyz would do a story that we cud tell. We bunnies are writer types an neither of us has had a story to tell fer quit a whil.

MT: YAWN!!! (wift teeft)

HW: A pen without ink is like a road without direction.

Me: What kinda story yu lik?

PD: Adventchoor stories!!!

Me: Hmm. We kin do that. Whatchu think, Mister Tygr? Shall we be ninja assassins?

MT: Oooh! I got a betterer ideer! Let's be blimp captains on a intercept wift Germin spies to take away the ancient Egyptian artefacts what they unlawfully stole from the dig in Luxor. I looks very good in formal wear.

Me: Piffle. I always wears that! I wanna be a ninja assassin!

MT: Steam balloon captains got fancy brass ray guns an monocles.

Me: Ninjas got sneeky shoes an swords!

MT: Steam captains!

Me: Ninjas!

PD: I don't know about you, Hemingway, but I think we gots what yu might call or initiatin conflict.

HW: Better sandpaper on the window frame than sand in your shorts.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Playin

Musashi Sez:

Well, wift most of the partmint to ourselfs todae, Mister Tyger an me has ben playin! We chased each other unner the table and chayrs fer a whil, til we got dizzy. Then we tried to do one of Mom's Cross Word Puzzuls. We gottid "a rat" first, an then "eggsanham"an then "tulipinthevalee" an we thort we had "ottrman" but it didn't fit. So we gived up an looked fer our Christmas prezents from Mom unner the bookcase, but mai arms aren't long enugf an Mister Tygers' are eevn shorterer, so we didn't find any.

Then we played pirate unner the coutch fer a while and shiverd some timbers an sang songs an danced around and took turns sending each othr to walk the plank (cuz taking turns is polite). But then we gottid tired so we took a nap on mai pink rug.

I'm thinkin that aftr we gets up from our nap I will find one of Mom's cookin books an we can learn to make pie. I will make one of them "shells" an dump mai toonr in it an wrap it up and cook it. I'm not shur if the microwaviater will work or whethr we will have to get Anna to help us, cuz we're not allowed to yooz the stove an I can't reach the toaster ovven on top of the erfidgiator.

It should be a gud time!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

This Whol Christmas Eev Thin

Musashi Sez:

Well, this is the seazon when Mom go orf to her spa retreet in the south, way down in Connedikut, which is not quite so far as Texus, but very posh. She eats all sorts of stuff, INCLOODIN PIE, (huh, she nevr mayk ME pie), an I stay hom here an meditayte on the meening of the Solstice, an whut kindsa stuffs Ceilin Cat wud like me to do next yeer, lik taykin over the werld, lernin to ride a ponee and losin a pound, whatevr that is. Also, writin my memwars, which I think meens a essay about how I praktices figtin an wrasslin wift Mister Tyger so I can take on burglergs in cays they evr trai to steal mom's books an my mousies.

An as me an Mister Tyger watch the snow comin gently down on the neigbers' cars an hear their melodic groans an the scrape of their big snow spoons, I think about new starts, the big shiny present of the turnin yeer. (This, Mom claims, is why we dance in circuls on Solstice.)

So sins I noe that lotsa yu Gentle Reeder folks foller that Baby Jesus kitty who got borned recently 200 yeerz ago, or maybe 2000, but tomorrer--

ANYWAY, what I meen to say is Merry Solstice, an Happy Christmas an Joyous Boxing Day from me an Mister Tyger, an problee Mom too.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Som Christmus Carulz

Musashi Sez:
Wull, I has been workin verree hard to translayt one of them standard Christmas carols to a noo kitteh carol which yu all will reallee like. I thogtid to use that one from the 1950s-60s about dancing around a Christmas tree. This is what I camed up wift first.

Rocketing around the Christmas wreath
On the big, white livin room door.
It’s got red and gold ornamints
I think Mom shud put on more.

But then I gots stuckt. So I listened to the orijinul again and I tried this:

You will get exilerating feelins
When you see
Kittee racing round the table:
Grab a cookie if you’re able.

And then it gots hard an I hads to put on mai thinking cap, except that I not has one, an anyway, I wanted one of them Santy Claws hats wift them tantilizin pompoms, but the closest thing Mom had was a red gambler hat.

So I weared that fer a while an then I camed up wift this:
Rocketing around the Christmas wreath,
Has a happee holidae.
Everyboddy dansin merrilee
In the noo an feline way!!!

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Joyz of Wintr: A Seazonul Carol

Musashi Singz:

Boot noodles; cuddling
Wift newly washed hankies;
More time to sleep in wift Mom
Unner blankies;
Lookin down from mai perch
On Mom’s vejtabul bins:
This is mai list of the best wintr things!

Neighbors wift shovels
Are gud ennertainment;
Rewritin carols
So they makes more brain-sense;
Having them parties
Wift fambly and friends:
This is mai list of mai best wintr things!

When the sky’s dark,
When mai toys hide,
When the litter’s old:
I just sings mai list of mai best wintr things
An then I not feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
So cold!

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Happy St. Raggedy Andy Dae, among lotsa other things

Musashi Sez:

Happee Saint Raggedy Andy Day! (an why is his piktchoor not wearin a fansee kilt?)

Wull, since we had the very timely vizit of Robin Bucaria, BA, MEd, JD, lotsa stuffs have been happening. Fer example, all the girls packed up  (wift very upsetting luggages) and wented away fer Thanksgiving. This was what yu callz a mixed blessin, becuz I didn’t hav Mom’s knee to sleep on (which is always a littul tramatic), but on the othr hand, I not have her buggin me to plae wift the lazer pointer the way she always does wen I am sittin thinking hard about mai blog. As yu noe, I has had all kindsa trouble wift the Writer Block this semestr, but this week I has overcomed it a littul bit.

Fer example, while Mom was gone, they gived me a littul too much of the wet fud, and you migt think, “Huh, it bad to waste fud when yu noe he’s not goin to eat it all,” and normally I wud have agreed, but after I eated what I wanted, the rest of it looked like that fansee ceilin in the Vatican Myoozeum, called the Sisteen Chapul, wift the piktchur by that guy Mikul Angelo, of Ceiling Cat reaching down to high five Eve Kittee fer not getting bit by that nasty snake feller.

Also, I was lookin at the steampunky toys Mom supported on Kickstarter (cuz she seds that her office at werk was just Not Cool Enugf (NCE) fer her an her frend whu she share it wift, ArTeeBee, who she swear is not a droid, but I think she have been fooled, but anway, parently they are boft way too cool fer this borin office, so she supported these toys on Kickstarter), and I was lookin at the toys, who has their own Facebook page, and it turn out that the unner-water guy has a version of his unner-water suit that is brigt pink! Wull, as yu kin imajinate, that made me innerested in unner-water adventchoors, since before that, I din’t know that yu cud has a fashonobbul wet-soot fer resertch. I thogt yu had to be all stodgy, but parently, that not the case. Three cheers fer Fashonobbul Resertch!!

Hip! Horray Hooray! Hip Hooray Horray! Hip Hooray Hooray!

Ahem. An THEN, as if life weren’t getting egsiting enugf, Mom camed home!!!! An she brogtid Granpa wift her!!!! An he is a lefty lik ME!!! (He call me the “Big M”—Mom always call me Littul Gy, an I has to tell here NO, I is a very BIG GY!!!! Huh.)

An Mom came home wift a NOO Tooftbrush! Now, I not lik tooftbrushiz maisalf, which make mom has a frustrate, but she showed me the one fer the winter. It was bloo an purpul. I said I liked the bloo an bright PINK one betterer, but she sed (very reasonably), “Silly Musashi. That the one fer Spring. It’s like how we doesn’t wear white feet in winter. We not yooz pink tooftbrushes in winter. It wud be day-class-ay.”

An I not egzactly noe what that mean, but her argyooment seemed quite lojikul, so I am goin wift it. I shorely has a lot to learn about stuffs.

Wull, there are more, but if I stop now, I might have stuffs to write about in a couple of days (after I has sniffed her luggage and made up my mind about the stuffs she bringed back from Conn Edigut.).

Monday, November 25, 2013

Innerviewin a Fascinatin Peoples

 Musashi Sez:

Hullo! We is doin the celeberty thing where we innerviews somebody kinda famous and/or inneresting. Todae we has a speshul guest name of Robin Bucaria. She went to school wift my mom at Middlebury College, where she majored in bein really smart an minored in ski-ing down the stairs (but only in winter).

Me: Who does you likes betterer, kittees or doggees?

Her: Kitteez. Because kitteses is independent creatures and doggeez drool.

Me: Whut do you do fer a livin?

Her: I warp young minds.

Me: How you does that?

Her: Teaching Inglush. The minds aren’t used to thinking, so by getting them to think is a very mind-warpin experience.

Me: Has you any hobbies?

Her: Skiing. On snow, not stairs now. An attemptin to garden. For a while I had an escargot farm.

Me: Now, we’ve heard about escargots, an they are handsome young snails whu takes out fancy ladies on dates…

Her: Nope. Escargots are snails that eat your garden. But if you clean out their digestive tracts, you kin eat them.

Me: I thogt they were fancee gys.

Her: No, they’re espensive foods in the fansee Frentch restaurants.

Me: Let’s talk about that skiin stuffs. I has the impreshun that yu yoozed to ski down the stairs in collidge.

Her: Just once.

Me: Tell us about that wunce, please.

Her: It was veree frustratin, cuz freshmen stepped on the bak of my skis, and slowd me down!!

Me: I veree sorree to hear this. Whut didju do about that?

Her: I aksksed them to let me go and FLUNG myself down the stairs.

Me: An did that worked?

Her: It did, but they slowed down my time.

Me: So you wudov won otherwise?

Her: No. There was another real Olympic skier in training on the stairs, and he was really gud.

Me: Mom sez that yu teatch writin, like she does. How you does that?

Her: You model, you make ‘em revise, you model, you make ‘em revise again, an then yu conference.

ME: An that work?

Her: Sometimes.

Me: Kin yu think of somthin brilliant fer us to end wift?

Her: Oh no!

Me: Does you eat pi? Does you makes pi?

Her: Yus. Blooberry. Salmonberry—

Me: Do that taste like fish?

Her: Nope. They look like salmon roe or like orange raspberries.

Me: Is this onlee in Laska?

Her: Mebbe. Apple. O! This is whut I was sposed to buy here—MacIntosh apples.

Me: Does yu gets them at the Apple Store?

Her: No. At the grocery store. I also make a caramel custard pie.

Me: What’s that like?

Her: It like a crème brulee except more creamy.

Me: Does it have fish in it?

Her: No. I don’t do fish pie, but I was tempted to try the lobster pie at lunch today but it was too big.

Me: We shud has been wift you an then we all wud has been happiererer.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Whu I Was fer Hallerween!

Musashi Sez:

So I knoe that yu guyz all think of me lik that Jim Bond feller, because of my genetic tuxedo look, but this Hallerween I deciderated to go as this cool piano-playin guy named Liberatchee. Mom has borrowed a small keyboard from her teetcher an I has been learnin to play it, although fer some reason, when Mom is not around, it not mayk sounds when I hit the keys wift mai pawz. I has not figgered this out yet.

But being a sparkly piano-playin feller is one of mai career idears, jus like being a akshul spy or possible, a cowboy whu ride around on a big pony shootin bad guys. If you has other idears fer me, pleez let me knoe. Thanks. Huh.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Mai Many Skillz

Musashi Sez:

Well, I has been sittin around fer two monfts tryin to think of somthin to write about. Mom sez that her hero Xena sez, “I has many skillz.” She sed, “Whut kin you do wift that?”

So I asksed her whut kinda skillz do Xena has? Parently, Xena kin do head-bashing, an nerve-pinching, an yodeling, and also embroidery. I don’t do any of those things, in part because I is a peaceful sort of kitty person, but also because of not havin posable thumbs.  But Mom sez that I has mad skillz anyway,  because I kin leap three times my height an not everbody kin do that. Even Mom can’t if you kin believe it, but I bet Xena can.

Also I am very gud at Shiatsu, and runnin around in circles very fast, an also soccer as long as you are patient. Mom sez I play soccer the way most folks play pool, thinking about mai shot before I takes it. I am very strategic that way.

I kin also read books by osmosis, which means by sleepin on them. I learned lotsa stuff about theology that way when Mom was studying very hard. I kin color but not exactly inside the lines, because of that thumbs problem. And I kin do yoga like nobody’s business! Huh.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Pistachios, An Like That

 Musashi Sez:

So here is the quote Mom has gived me fer today, which is from mai buddy Shakespeare. “Yon Cassious hath a lean an hungree look. Such men are dangerous.”

Now, I know all about kittees being hungree on account of sometimes my fud bowl gets all empty, an then I has a sad. But it seem to me odd that some cashews wud be hungree, cuz they not got moufts or tummies, so to speak.
Pistachios, on the other hand, are very inneresting peoples, if yu believe all them fansee green TV commershuls about them and how yu gets them open. It seems to me that if all of these peoples is trying to get them open, mebbee it are not the nuts what are dangerous, it are all them peoples.

Monday, September 16, 2013

This Is Not a Writer Block

Musashi Sez:

So I has been suffrin from writer block lately. Every tim I sit on the keyboard to writ, Mom has insisted on goin on Facebbok to chek out her frendz and their writer block, or sometimes to watch videos of Colin Britt or Lucy Lawless, or dancing goatz an playin tigrz. All of this is sposed to inspriate me, but so far it hasn’t akshully worked.

Parently, mai grandmom says, “It all grist fer the mill,” but I say sometimes it don’t matter how much grist yu got, cuz the mill is on vacayshun.

Finally, Mom sugjested that she give me a quote an I kin just “improvise,” which is fansee theater talk fer “mayk stuff up.”

The firstest quote she gived me was “One, two, buckle yer shoe. Three, four, shut the door.” This strike me as a sillee quote to give me, a kittee. Fer one thing, I not wear shoes, although I has often thoughted that I might like some of them bright pink shower clogs fer when mai roommates leave puddles in the baftroom. Mai mom has some boots wift buckles on them but parently yu needs opposable thumbs to operate them buckles. And as fer closing doors, as a rule I doesn’t. I just opens them and charges through, or saunter through, or sometimes I slink through.

Mebbe tomorrer she will give me something more exciting, lik from that Shakespeare fella, or possible Napoleon.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Pupu Platter Is Not Akshully What Yu Think

Musashi Sez:

So I has been hanging out wift Captain Crunch on some Polynesian Islands in Mom’s closet this week, an we has had lots of fun. We looked fer buried treasure, but all we found was innerestin smelling socks, most of which didn’t eevn match. So the captain told me stories about Tiki gods, whu are these little wooden guys wift big heads an little feets. Parently, they live on all these islands in the Seven Seas an so when they wants to visit each other they hops into a little boat an float over to their neighbor’s house on another little island. An since they mostly spends time in the boats an not walkin, their legs is small from not usin them like I does, fer jumpin on tables an like that.
Also they wear bright shirts wift flowrs. Mom gots a blue one. We’re tryin to find a pertee pink one in my size, but it seem like them Hawaiaain shirt websites discriminate against kitteez, which is perty dumb since tiki is just kittee inside out. Yu’d think they’d have lots of customers if they were smarter.

Oh yeah! An also they wear these perty necklaces made out of akshul flowers! An drink out of akshul coconuts! An they eets lots of pinapples, which if yu see a picture of one, yu wud think it was a made-up fruit, but parently, it akshullee exists. An that’s why they call it Polynesia, cuz “poly” is Greek for “lots” and “nesia” is Greek for “weird stuff.”