Monday, September 27, 2010
Wull, I has to admit jus how un-inspyrd I ben laytlee. I meen, of cors I loves mai mom (espeshullee her thums whut werk the can-opennr!!!), but ther gots to be mor to lif than that. So we goin to follr the advys of lotsa writrs, an I’m goin to writ about wut I lov eevn mor: ME.
So, fer instins, I offrs yu a play (lik drah-mr, on stayj, wift costoomz an props!) about MAI LIF. I got this jpg file frum mai Ont Lindr a whil bak, wen she toldid me about the Big Japaneez Premeer, which is lik the firstest run of the play.
It’s called MUSASHI, an the fellr on the rigt, all in blak, whu is whuppin the butt of the polkee-dottid kittee, is me. Obveeuslee, the actrz ar hoomin peeples, cuz the yoonion roolz in Japan ar still kinda strict about aminal actrz. (Parentlee, eevn the doggees whut play Orphn Annie'z doggee Sandy has to get speshul permishun. Huh.)
The plot is a little diffrint from mai akshul lif, cuz altho I wuz a ronin kittee fer a while in West Roxbury, befor the folks from Angell Memorial Hospital fyndid me, I din’t get into neerlee that manee sword figts as they shows in the play. But it do mayk pertee gud dramr.
This is called taking liberties with the details in the interest of audience appeal.
I don’t noe about liberty or peelin audiensiz, but they shur chanjd a lot of things. Lik mai mom doesn’t have neerlee so big a part, which is surprizin, but ther is this fellr they call a Show-Gun, an I don’t undrstan that AT ALL. But the royalteez keeps rollin in, so I not complayn.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
So laytlee, Mom has ben reedin books about “Ec-cleezee-ologee.” That meen figgrin out how peeples do (or possibul is) this cherch thin. I nappt on the book, but I still not following. Mom sez it’s like the Land of Misfit Toyz, wift the polkee-dottid elefunk an the Charlee-in-the-Box, an that trayn wift the sqwayr wheels whu I cud totallee pouns!!!
She also reedin about orginz, thoz big instrmints wift all the pipes. She sez that the orgin is a “magnifisint instrmint an also freeqwentlee compleetlee annoyin” cuz apparentlee, it sound lik that annoyin corfee-grindr masheen, egsept, lik, 10000 timz loudr. But she’s writin a essay (lik a blog, onlee lots longerer) in the effert to becom “less biasd an mor unnerstandin.”
Personlee, I thingk she shud jus stik wift the polkee-dotted elefunk, since he’s mutch instrestinger. An also, pink.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
So okay, peeples has ben complaynin about mai lak of writin laytlee. But ther is this song whut sez, “Lyf’s not wertf a dam/until yu kin sez ‘I am whut I am!!!’” An I is a perkastinaytr. *Sigh.* Whut this meen is that I fergits about whut I ment to writ, or possibul, I rememembrer but I is so freekd out that I put off whut I’s s’posd to do an do othr thins, lik takin naps or sleepin on diffrint books than whut mai Mom’s perfessrz wantid her to “read” or, possibl, sleep on.
But also, I has som gud egskyoosiz: I has ben 1) discomodid an then 2) bizee.
See, normul, I eet mai noms in the kitchn, lik aneeboddee els. But somboddee moovd out downstayrz an suddnlee we got theez teensee-tynsee ants whu wuz eetin mai fud!!!
Huh. How rood!
So mom an mai roommayt Karli did som egstra cleenin an puttin theez stoopid traps out, an I has had to eet mai noms in mai bedroom all week!!!
An of cors, skool jus startd up agen, so Mom has all theez noo books about histry an Cristshun peeples, an of cors, I has to brayk them in fer her by sleepin on them. Then they’r kindr an friendlier wen she reeds them, an also, I lern lots of stuff so I kin has convrsayshunz wift her about folks, lik this gy, Seerul of Jeroosalem, whu wuz, perfeshunnalee, a bishop, an personalee, a mixd bag, in mai opinyun. Huh. He okay about Ceiling Cat an lik that, but he not lik Jooish peeples, or payginz, or heretics. An that NOT rigt!!! cuz, egsept fer mai mom, most of mai bestest frends fall into one of them catrgoreez.
So, yah, he a bozo! Mom’s goin to writ a paper sayin this, an I has got to halp her, cuz I has gottid so upset jus tryin to sleep on theez books about him. MrrrrrPP!
Aneewae, so that’s why I not ben writin so much. I ben bizee--
Huh. Verree amyoozin.
Mom sez that I has ben “bizee as ants.”
You NOT talk to me about them rood antz!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I ben talkin to mai mom about writin, cuz she thingks about writin all the tim. An tho, now that I thingk of it, that seem to giv her unfayr advantaj ovr thoz of us whu onlee thingks of writin when we has to sign our nayms or writ a not to the roommeez about how the rent is duu yestrdae, still I gess it meenz she noe stuff.
Laytlee, she ben sayin how writin is lik egzersizin, cuz yu gots to do it almos evr dae, but somtimz yu needs to tayk a dae off so yer musslz kin repayr themselfs. Then yu gets to tayk a nap on a book, or mebbe watch a moovie. Parentlee, yu kin also watch the TV, but I talk about that anothr tim, cuz I dozn’t noe as mutch about it.
I kin see that she hav a point heer, cuz she goez to the jym a lot and she alwaes com back wift the stinky T-shirt to sho me fer pruf. An I gets up an snrffs it to mayk shur she not cheetin, an then I goez bak to sleep. Yu’r not getting me back to whol-pig egzersizin again until Septimbr 23, when the leevz offishul start fallin.
In the meentim, I’ll jus thingk about getting a pertee red trak soot to wayr fer when I’m writin mai blog. Then mom kin get out her kitchn timr an I kin typ awae at the kapyootr until I falls alsleep. Then she kin translayt an cleen up mai creaytiv spellin an find pertee piktchrz an lik that.
Evree writr shud has a secretaryee.