Monday, June 28, 2010
So, yu migt aks, whut kinda egsyting things ar happenin in Musashi’s lif? Well, I tell yu.
Las week wuz Fathr’z Dae, so I sendid 2 bellee-rubz to mai granpa by phon. I culdn’t talk to him maiself cuz I had to wash mai toez, an I got lotsa toez, an somtimz I looz trak an has to start from the begginin agen. So it kin tayk all morning, an then I has to tayk a long nap on the coutch to recovr.
So then Mom went out to get “celery” an wen she caym bak, she wuz ALL WET! I cud heer her comin up the stayrz outsid an her sneekrz wer goin Sqwishee! Sqwishee! So of cors I mayd her tayk them off befor she caym insid, but then eevn her jeenz wuz all Sqwishee Sqwishee, so I mayd her climb in the baft-tub to get chanjed. She sed it wuz uz of all the rayn that wuz raynin outsid, but the rayn moslee stoppt aftr she got her dry clothz on so I figgr she musta yoozd it all up.
That wuz a Sundae. The nex dae wuz first dae of Summr, an we had a partee, tho I’m not shur why cuz noboddee got bornd or adopted unless it wuz that Appollo fellr. But I got to meet a buncha mom’z noo-er frenz (cuz of cors I alreddee noez her old onez).
Aneewae, that’s why it wuz so importint to get “celery,” which Mom sez is ironic, cuz celery is moslee wadder aneewae. Huh.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
OK! OK! I noe it has ben a whyl sins we put out a seeryul of mai wild adventchurz wift the innernashunnl spy commyoonitee, but we ben verree bizzee. The bunneez whu writ mosta this blog wer threatenin to go on stryk agen, an this tim it wuz mai falt fer shur.
See, I wuz talking to mai prodooser about how cool Buffee the Vampyr Slayr is, an she toldid me about “Buffee: the Myoozikul,” an I thogtid a lightbulb! An we ralleed around a pertend piano an had a braynstorm.
But the Bunneez hopt ovr an sed, “We did not com heer to writ a myoozikul, an we certenlee didn’t com to sit around whyl YU writ a myoozikul.”
An then we herd about the yoonion negosheayshunz between the Gild of Myoozikul Artists an the Actorz’ Eqwitee.
The Cheef Writr Bunnee sed, “We let yu get aweae wift the flamenco sene last tim cuz it wuz funnee an yu din’t hav the whol cast singing an dansin. Fightin, shur. Fightin is OK. But dansin? Huh. That NOT in our contrak.”
So we wer bak at the drawin bord, and this time we wer yoozin crayonz, cuzs they didn’t skayr the Bunneez so mutch. An meenwhyl, we sugjestid that the Bunneez tayk a Long-Dezervd Vaycayshun somwher egzotik. We tossd ideers around, lik Tyland, Japann, Chynr, an lik that. But the Bunneez hads studdeed Spanish, so they desydid to go to the Gulf of Meksiko, hopin they cud scout some gud lokayshunz fer the blog an be abul to writ off the cost of the trip.
In whut mai mom callz “retro-spek,” I’m gessin that yu kin see whut’s comin….
Friday, June 18, 2010
So! I ben thingkin lots about how els I kin brayk into innernashunl stardom.
Mom won’t by me a ponee, so the cowboy-kittee-movee plan has gon kaputz.
She dozn’t beleev that kitteez kin sit still an behayv on cue in the moveez (i.e., akt), so she isn’t writin kitteez into her skreenplaes. So I am on plan 5 or D or somthin.
So I wuz thingkin—I doz this a LOT; I gets it from mai Mom—thingkin HARD about whut els them celebrittee typs do that migt get me the kinda ‘tenshun I’m lookin fer, that will get me a job in Stardom.*
An then I thingkd verree hard, an I thogt, HAH, smellz! Kitteez ar verree gud at smellin thinz an hoomin peeples spend lotsa monnee on maykin theirselvs smell gud. I cud be lik all them hot starz that mayk their own perfyoomz, lik J.Lo, Uma Thrmin, Tim MGraw, an Daniel Craig, an all of them types.**
I figgrd, there’s all kindsa scents that kitteez wud jus LOV!
Ther’z Le Littre, Narcissus Noir, Chat-de-Mer, Dunghill fer Men, White Shutters, Flannel #5, Flannel fer Guyz, Littre Flambé à M. Yves St. Larree, Le Sloth par Gucci, Hweetweetweet par les Birdes, etc.
Oh! Ther ar so manee egsytin smellz, yu can’t eevn imajin!!!!
So I ben thingking about comin out wift mai own lyn of Perfyoomz an Insted-of-Shayvs. Fer example, I ben thingkin of Olde Catnippe, Shedding Time, Eau de Felin, and English Fuzz. We cud start ther an then evenchualee end up wift a empyr!!! A verree smellee empyr! An how mutch fun wud that*** be!!!
Truft in Advertyzin:
* This is to the Norft of Holleewud.
**OK. Daniel Craig, as far as I noez do not have connekshun wift aneeboddee’z perfyoomz. I jus throo him in ther cuz he SHUR to get mai mom’z attenshun. SSSHHH. Don’t yu tell her!!! Kthxbai.
***I yoozd lots of Italics cuz the Italics Societee of America givd us a $27 grant fer this heer particler blog. (Kin yu jus imajin whut I cud hav acheevd if they had gived us the $46 grant???)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Recentlee, lotsa folks has sendid me hugz via emayl, an of cors, I has sendid them bak purrs, an hed rubs, an also a qweree about whut their breft smell lik, cuz fer kittee peeples this is importint infermayshun. I has got interesting results.
My mom’s breft alwaes smell lik orinj joos in the mornin. My granmom sez her breft smell lik tooftpayst. An whil I noe that this is the sorta thin hoomin peeples valyoo, cuz of the “mintee freshnis,” I gotta say it mayk me gag. Kyak! Kyak! Up com a hayrball! This not persnul. Mai mom tried to get me to lik som diffrint flayvrz of kittee tooftpayst, but it all disgustin, eevn the sammon kind. Which showz jus how bad this stuff is. Mai mom yooz hoomin peeple tooftpayst that she sez tayst lik “mint” an she sez “mint” is relaytid to “catnip.” An lotsa mai toys got that “old catnip flavr” but that isn’t neerlee lik the stuff in her mouft. Bleh.
On the othr paw, my wuns-an-fyootchr roommayt, Carlos sed his breft smelld lik BAR-B-Q. This soun hopful to me. I am lookin forerd to wen he com bak in Sptembrer, so I kin find out mor about this bar-b-q thin. It soun lik it migt smel OK!
MisQwot of the Dae: Tell me whut yer breft smel lik an I’ll tell yu whu yer frendz ar.
Friday, June 11, 2010
So mai mom is writin a skreenplae, which is a skrpt fer a moovie. She wrotid a movie befor but noboddee wantid it an it wazn’t her ideer to begin, so that don’t mutch matter. But this 1 is diffrunt. It has not got a kittee in it yet, but I gots the high hops becuz, hay, it is mai mom who is writin it, an she hav verree gud tayst. In payntin, yu kin tell the gud tayst by all the cherribs an the pillerz: the mor cherribs an pillerz, the mor tayst—eezee.
Film is a hardr meedyum. Yu got to has kitteez, but of cors kitteez is hard to catch an eevn hardr to convins to do lotsa “tayks” of a sceen.
Whut I has ben tryin to get thruhg mai mom’s limited mentul capasty is that I has a verree high tolerins fer sittin still wift a arrowgint luk on mai fays. But she keep thingkin of me as a “gud kittee,” a “nys kittee”—huh!
How am I goin to giv Lassee a run fer her munnee if I can’t eevn convins mai mom that I am star mateeryul?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Mai Mom resentlee went to Conneckiticutucut to vizit my gramfolks. On her wae ther an bak, she runnd into som Conduktrz, whu ar verree kool, an she toldid me about them. So now, mai caree-er gol is to becom a Trayn Conductr, cuz yu getz a cool littul hat an they lets yu put holz in peeples’s tikits.
An altho Mom didn't sae this, I bet if the folks don't hav tikits, they probabul let yu puts holz in teh peeples!!!
Kin yu imajin a job lik that?
Monday, June 7, 2010
I noe I has ben a Bozo fer not writin enugf, but I has ben werkin on a song fer yu. It about summr. It is dinnr myoozik. I hoeps yu lik it. Yu gots to imajin that Leena Horn chick singin, cuz she got styl. An losta them saxifonz or whatevr it is they yooz to mayks peeple thingk about summr blooz myoozik.
Dinnr tiiiim and the livin is eeeezee.
The toonr'z jumpin: the pile of nomz is so high! (so high)
Mai mom’z not ritch, and she shur is not furreeee,
But hush, now, kittee, do-o-o-on’t yu craiii!
One of theez morninz, yu goin to wayk up singin.
Yu’r goin to spred yer kittee wingz an go flyin, so high. (high)
Until that morning, ain’t nothing kin harm yu. (No)
Whyl Mom an her roommeez is standin baiiiii. (Standin baiii)
(Fer me, I lets Mom sing an I jus lash mai tail in tim, lik I do wen she play that Myl Daveez fellr wift the trompet. Yu gotsta get reelee, reelee cool. Yu jus werk on that coolnis thing. Yu gots alllll summr to do it.)