Saturday, October 24, 2015

Chaptr Ten

Captain Morgashi paced the deck of his ship, The Scarlet Panther. He was in a troubled mood. All the plans were in place both here and back in Lundun, but he wasn’t feeling gud about either of them. Somthin was sure to go wrong. He had sent the men out to make a big noise in town, or rather, several big noises. They had kazoos and everthing.

Then the captain put on his schnauzer disguise and sneaked on board one of the big Navy ships to listen in sekret to the sailors talking as they swabbed the deck.

"I can't beleev that Commodore St. Wiffinton is makin us wash the deck wift water," says one.

"Wull, you did climb up that sail wift yer claws, Joe, when yu had the crazies yesterdae."

Morgashi left them to their icky task and went to listen to the petty offislers whu was lookin at a map.

"No doubt about it. When those dread pirates come after us, we is goin to whup their butts."

"George, does we have a shnauzer on our crew?"

Morgashi sneaked off the ship before anybody else cud notice him.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Chaptr Nyn

Meanwhil, bak in England, the king was getting cranky. He knew that his birftdae party was gonna be expensive, especially cuz of all that fansee importid cocoa, but he had expected his tax gathererers to be more efficient in gatherin the taxes. So he thort and thort about it an finally he asksed his Exchequer (who is the guy who writ the king's cheques) fer som advices.

The Exchequer recommended sendin out privateers to steel money from the French boats, an account of France not bein friends wift the English at taht time. The king was perty happy wift this idear, so he gave the order and then went back to playing checkers wift himself (which he did mainly becaus that was the only way he could be shur to win).

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Chaptr Aigt

In the days leadin up to the Great King’s Birthday Cocoa Convoy Armada, Port Royale was a very egsitin place to be wift all the cargo ships and the navy ships spiffing themselves up fer the trip. It was the peeples spiffing the ships, I mean, cuz ships not gots the posable thumz necessary fer spiffing properly.

Meanwhile, just off the south coast of Cuba, Captain Morgashi’s ship, Scarlet Panthr, was also getting itself spiffed. The feller wift the spectacles was runnin aroun yelling at folks, Jack O’Bowsprit was checkin thins orf a list on a soggy clipboard wift a green pencil in his mouft. Captain Morgashi was carefully lickin his shiny black fur, cuz it do no gud to have a spiffy ship if yer captain ain’t equally spiffy.

As they spat an shined and generally spiffified, the crew sang sea chanties. Admittedly, they hads to change some of the words so that they ended properly, cuz lotsa those sea chanties wus writed by the Navy guys, whu doesn’t have a sense of narrative irony.

"Aloft there, aloft there,"
  Our jolly bosun cried.
"Look ahead, look astern,
  Look to weather an' a-lee."

"There's naught upon the stern, sir.
  There's naught upon our lee.
But there's a lofty ship to wind'ard
  An' she's sailin' fast and free."

"Oh hail her, oh hail her,"
  Our gallant captain cried.
"Are you a man-o-war
  Or a privateer?" cried he.

"Oh, I'm not a man-o-war
  Nor privateer," said he.
"But I am salt sea pirate
  All a-looking for me fee."

"Oh get her, oh get her!"
  Those pirates they did cry
And the pirates they did get them
  And they sank 'em in the sea!