Tuesday, October 6, 2009
That Noah Gy, Part 2
Wull! It has ben a long week, an no jok. It alreddee Wenzdae! Huh. An I ben distraktid, cuz I gots a noo roommayt, whu's laundree an books an stuff I hadz to sniff, cuz, yu noe that mai job, or part of it. But that not meen I not ben thingkin about mai jentul reedrz. So todae we givin yu the Lolcat Bible fer the next bit of the Noah storee. Then tomorrer I tell yu wich bits mayk sens an wich bits is jus ridiklus.
Genesis 7: 1-23 Ceiling Cat Sendz teh Wetness
1 Ceiling Cat den said to Noah, "Goes into teh ark, yu and yer kittens, (cuz yu’r coolz an righteous an stuff, in dis generayshun) to taek wift yu 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an its mate.
3 An also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female, cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female (for saem reason) to keep their various kindz livin throughout teh Urf. Fer 7 daiz and frum nao I’m gonna send teh wetness on teh Urf. A little advice, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez.
4 Fer 40 daiz and 40 nites, it goin to be wet and I goin to pwn some n00bs. Pwned!
5 An Noah did what Ceiling Cat told him to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and teh bullz.
6 Noah was liek reely old when teh wetness came. 7 An Noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz. 8 All teh moo cows and teh other creetchurz Ceiling Cat saidz; 9 male an female, came to Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him. 10 An after teh 7 daiz, teh wetness came.
11 In da, like, 6ooth year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth—on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz spewed waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend. 12 An teh wetnessez came to teh Urf an it was all wet.
13 On dat dai, teh sons of Noah (Shem, Japheth, and Ham, wift ther wivz), 14 Tehy hads 2 of evry kind of aminal accordin to its kind, all moo accordin to its kind, evry creatchur dat mooves on teh grawnd, accordin to its kind an evry burd cordin to its kind, evrythin wift wings too, accordin to all kindz. 15 Pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came to Noah an enterd teh ark. 16 Teh aminals goin in wuz mayl an femayl ov evry livin thing, as Ceiling Cat had told Noah. (Except fer teh unicornz, and teh dragonz and stuffs. An that a long storree, that get told other-wher.)
17 Fer 40 dais teh flood kept comin on teh Urf, an as teh watrzs increasd they liftd teh ark high abov teh urfz. 18 Teh watrz rose an rose and rosed on teh Urf, an teh ark floatd on teh watrz. 19 They rised greatlee on teh Urf, an all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd. 20 Teh watrs rose an coverd teh mowntinz to a depth ov moar dan 20 feetz OMFGWTF!!1!
21 Evry livin thin dat movd on teh Urf perishd—burdz, moo cows, wild aminalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovr teh urf, an all hoomin peeplz. Not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet. 22 Evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.
23 Evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; hoominz an aminalz an teh creetchurz dat moov along teh ground an teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urf. Only Noah wuz left, an dose wift him in da ark.