Saturday, October 31, 2009


Musashi Sez:

(Sigh!) I loves mai mom. She kin be verree cool, lik wen I wants to unnerstan the inner werkins of her printr an she tellz me that mai paws cud mayk it not werk, so she stan ther to keeps me from tutchin it but she don’t throws me out into the livin room. Cuz she unnerstan how amayzin that whrrrrr! sound is! Jus lik the DVD playr, almos.

But she not alwaez so gud at LOLCat speek. She alwaes tryin to yooz whut the Frentch callz “Foz-ameez” or fals frenz, werds that soun the saym in yer langwudj, but don’t meen the saym thin. So yestertsdae, I tol her I wanted to dress up like goetz, an she talks about beerdz and othr stuff, but she soun lik she unnerstan, so I dozn’t thingks mutch mor abouts it. Then this mornin, she tellz me about the costoom she thogted up fer me, wift a beerd and hornz and eevn hoofs!!!

An I sez, “Whut’s that???”

An she sez, “Is goets costoom, lik yu sed.”

An I sez, “That not a goets. A goets go “Whuuu-ooooo! an floets aroun in yer closit. An mebbe he som ded gy whu can’t tayk the nap, so he gots to floets aroun. I don’t thingk he gots to hav beerd. An them hornz an hoofz are kinda judjmentl, dontchu thingk?”

“Wait!” she sez, lookin all confuzzld. “Yu meens ghost?”

An I sez, “Yah, yu kin call it goast if yu wantu.”

An aftr that it tukt som time, so we din’t get a gud pikchur of me, but if yu imajin all the orinj parts on this pikchur to be blak, the yu gots the right ideer!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Rethingkin That HolloWeen Costoom Thing

Musashi Sez:

Well, Mom’s frends has the flu, so she is hezytent about goin to a HolloWeen Partee. So mai ideerz about costoomz aren’t goin to be so yoosful this yeer. This a payn, cleerlee. But!!!

We kin still has fun at hom! I aksd Mom whu ar the hansomist gyz in Inglish litratchoor or histree. She sugjestid foks lik Sir Waltr Rallee, an Mistr Darcy an Harree Pottr an then ran out of steem.

I sed, “Huh. Mistr Darcy is no fun. But whut about them gyz he wuz alwaes figtin wift that Lizzlebet chick?”

“What are you talking about, Musashi?”

“Yu noes! Thoz foks whu falls apart? In that book yu red this summr?”

“Oh! The zombies from Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. Right. I forgot.”

“Huh. That cuz yer lif is jus too egsytin. If yu spends yer tim watchin leevs an joggrs out the windo, yu wud rememmeber the zombeez bettrer.”

“I’m sure you’re right. Well, what about Harry Potter? You could zoom around on an invisible flying broom.”

“Yah, that has its gud points. But I ben thingkin I shud be goets.”

“A goat?”


“With a beard and horns?”

“I dunno about that. But they jenrallee whit and they runs around a lot.”

“Well, if that’s what you want…”

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Eevn Mor Costoom Ideerz

Musashi Sez:

It turn out that perpayrin fer HolloWeen is compulkaytid. Well, at leest we got mom all set. I thingk she’ll mayk a verree good Captin Crunch, altho she doesn’t seem so shur. But she can’t be a samurai. She did that las yeer.

Meenwhyl, I ben surfin on the interwebs fer mor ideers, an heer’z whut I com up wift.

Ferst, ther is Robn Hud. He the fox that stolt from the rich peeples an givd the monee an fud an stuff to the poor peeples. He hadsd a bow an arroz an cud aim verree gud wift them. He also leepin over walls an havin pikniks in the forest, wher all them treez ar. An he had a reellee impressive tayl, lik me.

Then, ther that speedee gy, Lans Armstrong. I has invisibl bysikul, so all I needs is a yello shert. An I zooms! around the hous an okayzhunallee stops fer a dringk of waddr, aftr I wins eetch stayj of mai big Frentch contest. (Is jus pertend—I not reellee goin to Frants. I migt run into maiself ovr ther, an they sez that’s danjrus.)

An speekin of speedee, I also ben thingkin about bein Mistr Toad. He was sorta lik a frog but he had a cool hous an lotsa monnee and he gotst into trubbul wift his frends all the tim, espeshul wift his rays car. So I cud be zoomin! around wift this costoom too.

So. Whutchu thingk? Doez yu gyz hav anee betterer ideers? I is all eers, egsept wher I am a tayl, which is a lot.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Nu Ideerz fer Hallo-Ween

Musashi Sez:

So mai mom wuz lookin on the interwebs fer a gud pikchur of folks lik me figtin in a bar figt, an among all the rong pickchurz wuz one of Captin Crunch. He is a seeryul saylor, lik on a bot, an he has a reellee cool costoom, so now I am considerin bein him when I dress up to be somboddee eltz this yeer. Mom sez that his costoom sugjest that he wuz figtin in the Napoleen Warz. To this I sez, Huh, yu don’t say.

An Mom sez, “Um, Musashi, you do know who Napoleon was, don’t you?”

“Som gy whu started som warz?” (This is a trik mom togt me herself. Is calld contestualizayshun, but yu don’t uzhual win aneethin.)

“Yes…He was a lot like Alexander the Great.”

“A littul gy whu wuz doin that Werld Dominayshun thing?”


“Huh. But Captin Crunch jus a seeryul gy, rigt? He not tayk ovr aneebodee’s contree, rigt?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“OK! Then cud you mayk me hiz hat an them cool yellow brayded sholdr thins?”

Mom lookst at me verree seeryuslee. She sez, “Hm. Well, I could make a paper hat, but I don’t think you have enough shoulders to make the epaulettes work.”

I sigd. “Wull, ok. Then YOU be Captin Crunch an I be comin up wift anothr ideer.”

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hallo-Ween is Comin!

Musashi Sez:

I wuz jus lookin at Mom’s calendr, an it sez that HalloWeen is comin nex week, so I gots to figgr out a reellee gud costoom to wayr. Peeples has givd me the yoozhual sugjestshuns: blak cat (huh, so orijinul), vampyr (whut am I? som sparkul gy?), spy (yah, an mom’ll go as a Inglush teetchr), an Boheemian arteest. Now that las one don’t sound so bad, altho I don’t noe if I kin keep one of them barayz on mai hed so gud. But I does lik drorin pikchrz. Mom droo a pikchur of a fish at church tonigt, but she has a stranj church. But it a verree good drorin of a fish. Eevn mayd me hongree!

Which remind me, ther still som toonr in mai bowl. Latr, bai.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Anothr Grayt Artist (An Lokl!)

Musashi Sez:

Ther a almos eevn betterer artist, naymd Patrick McDonnell, an he liv in Nu Jerzee. He mayks the comic strip calld MUTTS, wift our heroz, Mooch the Kittee and Earl the doggee. But Patrick also drowrz the Sundae pictchur fer his comic somtims to match the art of som othr mastr art gy or gal, and heer is one of mai persnl fayvrits, cuz it matchz the pictchur I shows yu last tim by the Japaneez mastr, Hiroshige.

So, this one of them cultchurl thins wher if sombodee shows yu one of theez, yu kin showz how smartypants yu ar by sayin, “Whut, whut! That look jus lik the renoend mastrpees of ol’ whutshisnaym, eh whut?” It halps if yu do this wift British aksent, cuz it mayks folks mor impresst.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Verree Grayt Artst

Musashi Sez:

I hav jus desydid to becom cultchrd kittee, which is hard werk, cuz it meen yu got to noe about art and myoozeeumz and myoozik and jeogruphee. So I figgr I shud start wher I got the mostest noe-lidj, which is stuff to do wift kitteez. I’ll start wift the kinda art that is pikchurz, cuz they eezee to find on the interwebs.

I tell yu about this crayzee gy, Hiroshige. He was from Japan an he likd to draw pikchrz of playsiz. Somtimz he eevn incloodid kitteez, lik in this pikchur heer, which ar pertee faymus. This meen yu ar sposta say, “Oooh, whut a pertee pikchur! That gy a mastr!”

We do anothr artist tomorrer, if yu’r verree gud. Kthxbai.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Noa is Borin, L’ets Talk About Somthin Els

Musashi Sez:

Well, I ben halpin mom writ mai othr blog about mai egsytin lif as a spy. So in compayrsn, this Noah gy wift the big boet is not neerlee as innerestin. So I figgr I shud talk about somthin els. Lik mom’s nu sneekrz, fer egzampl.

See, she got theez ol whit sneekyz that is reellee old, like 6 yeers or so, an they is startin to dis-inner-grayt, which meen fall apart, on the insyd. An sins she wayr them fer kungfu, which is lik, kickin peeples, this not so gud. So she got theez funnee lookin nu shooz that are mayd wift HEMP-but-yu-no-smokz-it. Which is funnee naym fer a mateeryul, if yu aksks me.

Aneewae, she luk sillee wen she wayr them, lik a clown. An she call ME Bozo wen I is egzersyzin mai claws on the ottrman. Huh. She the bozo.

An I proovs it. I gives yu 2 piktchurz an yu has to figgr out whch sneekrz is which.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Mai Big Problimz wift Noah

Musashi Sez:

OK, so I noez yu all has ben waytin fer me to egsplayn the big problimz of the Noah storee fer us kitteez (an also jirafs, lelephunts, lyonz, tygrz, rarmadillrz, an etc.). I’m sorree it has ben taykin me so mutch tim to writ it all down fer yu. But onestlee, it has not ben eezee. I get so upset by som of this stuff that I has to leap! up an run around the apartmnt! until the feelin go awae. An then I doesn’t dayr go bak to it fer qwyt a whil. An mai mom, whu (altho she agree wift me on how awrful this stuf iz) as she point out, gotta sleep wift me, don’t egzaktlee fors me to lokk eyz wift this problim.

Mom sed she wud halp me werk thru this, but she hasta writ a paypr fer her teetchr, an grayd payprz fer her stoodnts. So I gotta be payshunt, an I kin do that! Reelee, I kin! It moslee reqwyr nappin, wich is a form of meditaytin that mos hoomin peeples totalee ignor. Huh. (Stoopid hoomin peeples.) Ther not enugf Boodist peeples in this contree, espeshlee wunz lik me whu beleevs in Ceiling Cat an also follerz Boodr, (whu wuz qwyt a cool gy, akshulee.)

OK. So. I’m goin to settul myself betterer an then I wull writ the stuff yu all lookin fer, about how the Bibl is/isn’t all that good/bad, etc.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

That Noah Gy, Part 2

Musashi Sez:

Wull! It has ben a long week, an no jok. It alreddee Wenzdae! Huh. An I ben distraktid, cuz I gots a noo roommayt, whu's laundree an books an stuff I hadz to sniff, cuz, yu noe that mai job, or part of it. But that not meen I not ben thingkin about mai jentul reedrz. So todae we givin yu the Lolcat Bible fer the next bit of the Noah storee. Then tomorrer I tell yu wich bits mayk sens an wich bits is jus ridiklus.

Mom Says:

Genesis 7: 1-23 Ceiling Cat Sendz teh Wetness

1 Ceiling Cat den said to Noah, "Goes into teh ark, yu and yer kittens, (cuz yu’r coolz an righteous an stuff, in dis generayshun) to taek wift yu 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an its mate.

3 An also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female, cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an female (for saem reason) to keep their various kindz livin throughout teh Urf. Fer 7 daiz and frum nao I’m gonna send teh wetness on teh Urf. A little advice, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez.

4 Fer 40 daiz and 40 nites, it goin to be wet and I goin to pwn some n00bs. Pwned!

5 An Noah did what Ceiling Cat told him to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and teh bullz.

6 Noah was liek reely old when teh wetness came. 7 An Noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz. 8 All teh moo cows and teh other creetchurz Ceiling Cat saidz; 9 male an female, came to Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him. 10 An after teh 7 daiz, teh wetness came.

11 In da, like, 6ooth year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth—on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz spewed waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend. 12 An teh wetnessez came to teh Urf an it was all wet.

13 On dat dai, teh sons of Noah (Shem, Japheth, and Ham, wift ther wivz), 14 Tehy hads 2 of evry kind of aminal accordin to its kind, all moo accordin to its kind, evry creatchur dat mooves on teh grawnd, accordin to its kind an evry burd cordin to its kind, evrythin wift wings too, accordin to all kindz. 15 Pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came to Noah an enterd teh ark. 16 Teh aminals goin in wuz mayl an femayl ov evry livin thing, as Ceiling Cat had told Noah. (Except fer teh unicornz, and teh dragonz and stuffs. An that a long storree, that get told other-wher.)

17 Fer 40 dais teh flood kept comin on teh Urf, an as teh watrzs increasd they liftd teh ark high abov teh urfz. 18 Teh watrz rose an rose and rosed on teh Urf, an teh ark floatd on teh watrz. 19 They rised greatlee on teh Urf, an all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd. 20 Teh watrs rose an coverd teh mowntinz to a depth ov moar dan 20 feetz OMFGWTF!!1!

21 Evry livin thin dat movd on teh Urf perishd—burdz, moo cows, wild aminalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovr teh urf, an all hoomin peeplz. Not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet. 22 Evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.

23 Evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; hoominz an aminalz an teh creetchurz dat moov along teh ground an teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urf. Only Noah wuz left, an dose wift him in da ark.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Mai Suddin Crayvings

Musashi Sez:

It verree odd. I don't noe if this evr happn to yu, but sins yestrdae, I has ben wantin to trai won of them cokonutz. I not eevn entyrlee shur whut a cokonutz is, but it soun veree egzotic an mebbe a littul egspensiv. Mom sae they out of seezon, an wud I perfer pickulz an strawberreez?

An eevn I noes whut that meens! I'm goin to be a mama!

Mom Says:

I'm sorry, Musashi, I was just teasing you. It's probably just an offshoot of living a double life. You know, with your 2nd life alter ego off in Morocco...

Musashi Sez:

Oh, yah. That mayk sens. An heer wuz me thingkin we wuz goin to hav to get mom's monee bak from the MSPCA...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

LolCat Bible Noah

Musashi Sez:

I desydid to reminds yu about that Noah gy wift the old verzhun of it, but from the LOLcat bibl, which is mutch betterer than mai Mom’s hoomin peeples verzhun.

Genesis 6: 5-22 Ceiling Cat Tellz Noah to Mayk Big Bote

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh peepl on teh urfs wuz all wikkid an mean an evil, an dat peepl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited Wikkidpedia so evryon wud knoes how to be all wikkid an mean an evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz reely sry dat he had madez peepl on teh urf, an it maded him all sad an pissed off an stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh peepl an aminals what I has maded on teh urf; peepl an moo cows an creepy crawlyz an burdz ov teh skyz an burdz liek ostridges an stuf who can’t flyz; cuz I so sry I maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd Noah alot.

9 This is story about Noah. Noah wuz rightchus d00d, an liek mor rightchus than anyon els. Noah hung out wift Ceiling Cat a lot an lissend to tunez an played Pokemons an stuff. An somtiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him a lot.

10 An Noah begat 3 sons, Shem, Ham, an Japheth. But I alrdy told yu that.

11 An teh urf wuz corruptd an messed up, an teh urfs wuz filld wift meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urf, an saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh peepl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed to Noah, I iz gonna pwnz the whole urf cuz teh urf has mor evilz an vilents than WoW an grand theft auto. So I’m gonna pwnz tehm an teh whole urfs. All teh filez in peepls hedz iz all corruptd an dey keep emailin em to all ther frendz. I should haev kept it in Beta longr :( an inventd McAfee an Nortonz an stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz an viruses an rootkitz an stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, an cover it wift tar on teh insidez an outsiedz. An Noah sed, “Wait a minit. Yu can’t getz wood frm gophrs. Yu has to use treez.” An Ceiling Cat sed I can callz a tree a gophr if I wantz cuz I iz Ceiling Cat. So stfu an go getz yer hammerz an sawz an stuff. An Noah sed, “K, brb.”

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how yu makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits an teh width ov it 50 cubitz an teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An Noah sed, “Wtf iz a cubit?” An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. So Noah did.

16 Maek som windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai an mayk teh door in teh side. An maek it wift 1th, 2th, an 3th storiez.

17 An see, I makez teh flood ov waters upon teh whol urf, to pwnz all teh peepl an aminals an stuffz an evrythin in teh whol urfs iz gets ded.

18 But I iz taeks care ov yu an keeps yu safe cuz I lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, yu an yer sons an yer wief an ur sons wifez too.

19 An yu taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, to keep them aliv wift yu (even teh goggies); an mek shur dey ar male an femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but I wont letz dem on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mayk it too crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, an ov teh moocows, an ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind. But don’t worry about teh fishz, cuz dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh peepl an aminals lieks 2 eatz, an gathr it up; an it shall be fer fud fer yu, an fer them. An Noah sed ther’s gonna be lotz ov poopi to shuvl wift all dem aminals an stuff, an Ceiling Cat sed stfu; I iz givez dem all reel bad constipayshun so don’t worry about it. An Noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 So Noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

Musashi Egsplayns:

I lyks this verzhun betterer cuz it inkloods the qwestshunz that Noah aksd, lik about the gophr wood an all the poop. Mom told me that the old rabbis sed that Noah an his sons were shovlin or feedin pertee much nigt an dae, an that is 1 reellee rigtchus d00d. But I still liks mai verzhun best. I jus has to sit down wift mom an writ it, but laytlee mom doesn't sit down so much. She eethr runs aroun, or she plaes wift me, or she is taykin naps. Akshul, that soun like me too...