Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Partee of Holy d00dz
Mom sez that todae is the Feest of All Saynts. I sez, “The whut of all whuts?”
She sez, “It’s like a party to celebrate holy men and women, you know, the ones who make Ceiling Cat happy.”
“Oh,” sez I, “why yu not say that befor?” An then she givd me som zampuls. So heer they ar.
St. Augustine: Mom call him Saynt Crankeepants, cuz he not so nys to women, but he wuz reellee smart. Still, his mom shud’v togt him betterer. Negativ points.
St. Jerome: Saynt Eevn Mor Crankeepants, cuz he wuz eevn wors about women, but at least he tookt a thorn out of the paw of a Lion. So negativ points, but it cud hav been mor negativr.
St. Patrick: He the gy whu went to Ireland and mayd the snaks run away. Egsept they not run cuz they not have toes, but yu noe. Positiv points.
St. Joan of Arc: I not noe why they callz her this, cuz she got nothing to do wift Noah, but she had a veree cool sord. Lotsa points.
John 23: He not offishullee a saynt yet, but mom liks him cuz he made them Romin biships comb all the snarlz out of the Romin church, so they not be cogfin up hayrballz so much aneemor. Also, he mayks them trim their clawz so they not scratch peeples so mutch. Or somthin lik that. Positiv points.
St. Francis of Assississi: He is hard to stop spellin, but he the bomb fer us kittees and doggeez an othr critturz, cuz he talkt to us an eevn preetchd to us, an didn’t call us nastee nayms lik SOM peeples whu claym to be saynts. (Huh!) Points off the map!!!
So I asks mom wen she goin to invyt theez gyz ovr to eets wift us. She sez they’r mostlee ded. That is jus weerd. Why yu partee wift a buntch of ded gyz? This is startin to soun lik that Harry Pottr fellr an his antiks. Huh.