Thursday, October 1, 2009

LolCat Bible Noah

Musashi Sez:

I desydid to reminds yu about that Noah gy wift the old verzhun of it, but from the LOLcat bibl, which is mutch betterer than mai Mom’s hoomin peeples verzhun.

Genesis 6: 5-22 Ceiling Cat Tellz Noah to Mayk Big Bote

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh peepl on teh urfs wuz all wikkid an mean an evil, an dat peepl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited Wikkidpedia so evryon wud knoes how to be all wikkid an mean an evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz reely sry dat he had madez peepl on teh urf, an it maded him all sad an pissed off an stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh peepl an aminals what I has maded on teh urf; peepl an moo cows an creepy crawlyz an burdz ov teh skyz an burdz liek ostridges an stuf who can’t flyz; cuz I so sry I maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd Noah alot.

9 This is story about Noah. Noah wuz rightchus d00d, an liek mor rightchus than anyon els. Noah hung out wift Ceiling Cat a lot an lissend to tunez an played Pokemons an stuff. An somtiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him a lot.

10 An Noah begat 3 sons, Shem, Ham, an Japheth. But I alrdy told yu that.

11 An teh urf wuz corruptd an messed up, an teh urfs wuz filld wift meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urf, an saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh peepl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed to Noah, I iz gonna pwnz the whole urf cuz teh urf has mor evilz an vilents than WoW an grand theft auto. So I’m gonna pwnz tehm an teh whole urfs. All teh filez in peepls hedz iz all corruptd an dey keep emailin em to all ther frendz. I should haev kept it in Beta longr :( an inventd McAfee an Nortonz an stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz an viruses an rootkitz an stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, an cover it wift tar on teh insidez an outsiedz. An Noah sed, “Wait a minit. Yu can’t getz wood frm gophrs. Yu has to use treez.” An Ceiling Cat sed I can callz a tree a gophr if I wantz cuz I iz Ceiling Cat. So stfu an go getz yer hammerz an sawz an stuff. An Noah sed, “K, brb.”

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how yu makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits an teh width ov it 50 cubitz an teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An Noah sed, “Wtf iz a cubit?” An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. So Noah did.

16 Maek som windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai an mayk teh door in teh side. An maek it wift 1th, 2th, an 3th storiez.

17 An see, I makez teh flood ov waters upon teh whol urf, to pwnz all teh peepl an aminals an stuffz an evrythin in teh whol urfs iz gets ded.

18 But I iz taeks care ov yu an keeps yu safe cuz I lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, yu an yer sons an yer wief an ur sons wifez too.

19 An yu taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, to keep them aliv wift yu (even teh goggies); an mek shur dey ar male an femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but I wont letz dem on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mayk it too crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, an ov teh moocows, an ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind. But don’t worry about teh fishz, cuz dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh peepl an aminals lieks 2 eatz, an gathr it up; an it shall be fer fud fer yu, an fer them. An Noah sed ther’s gonna be lotz ov poopi to shuvl wift all dem aminals an stuff, an Ceiling Cat sed stfu; I iz givez dem all reel bad constipayshun so don’t worry about it. An Noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 So Noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

Musashi Egsplayns:

I lyks this verzhun betterer cuz it inkloods the qwestshunz that Noah aksd, lik about the gophr wood an all the poop. Mom told me that the old rabbis sed that Noah an his sons were shovlin or feedin pertee much nigt an dae, an that is 1 reellee rigtchus d00d. But I still liks mai verzhun best. I jus has to sit down wift mom an writ it, but laytlee mom doesn't sit down so much. She eethr runs aroun, or she plaes wift me, or she is taykin naps. Akshul, that soun like me too...

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