Ceiling Cat Finishiz Creaytin Stuffs

Mom Says:

BEGINNINZ 1:7-10

7. So Ceiling Cat napped and woke and stretched and napped again, gathering strength for this new creating business. And when he finally woke, he found that he had been blocking the sun’s rays from hitting Urf properly, and that some of the Urf’s seas had turned to ice, covering large portions of the land. So Ceiling Cat leaped! up and went down to Urf, and where his hot paws landed, the ice began to melt.

8. And Ceiling Cat coughed and coughed and produced hairball after hairball, and he shaped them to fly in the air and swim in the waters and to play on the ice and on the land. He was particularly proud of the woolly mammoths and saber tooth tigers. And the more he created, the more fun he had. He made bugs and birds, humans and horses, rats and rabbits, lions and lynxes, kiwis and kangaroos. He made stretchy animals like elephants and giraffes and round animals like turtles, ladybugs and hippopotomotmusses, and when he had done that, he realized he was just getting silly. So he purred loudly, breathing on the creatures, and then curled up and took a nap.

9. But the creatures were making so much noise, mooing and squawking and chirping, that Ceiling Cat was unable to sleep. So he picked up this animal and that by the scruff of the neck and deposited them in different places, some in the desert and some in the forests, some on glaciers and some beneath the mountains. And when there were different kinds of animals spread out around the whole Urf, Ceiling Cat purred, saying, “Now I is nevr goin to be bored agen, cuz I mayded all these creetchurz to be awsom lik me, and I is so happy that I is goin to take a nap.”

10. But before he curled up, he took some dirt and some ice and made a big white ball and put it on the opposite side of Urf from the sun, so that it would reflect the sun’s light and remind him not to sleep between the sun and the Urf. And because it looked like it was mooning him, Ceiling Cat named the ball Moon. And then, because he had worked so hard, Ceiling Cat curled up and napped. Kthxbai.

Musashi Sez:

OK, now yu noe the whol creayshun storee, the reelz one, not that ol hoomin peeples verzhun. Yu kin tell the diffruns cuz the hoomin storeez alwaez mayk it soundz lik hoomin are the perpuss of evrthin, an that is rediklus. An their verzhun of Ceiling Cat doesn't nap neerlee enugf fer all the werk he do. This kinda thingkin is calld "critikul interpretayshun" or possibul "HERMENEUTICS." But I doesn't noe whu this Herman feller is.

Mom Says:

I just want everyone to know that I really do know how to spell hipopopto-- hippopotma-- I really do know how to spell millennia.

Genesis According to Musashi 1:1-6

Musashi Sez:

OK. So I sed befor that I wud writ a nu Baibul thin, that mayded mor sens fer kittees. So I startid writin it and drawin the pictchurz, but I wuzn't shur that the hoomin peeples, whu ar the peeples whu cayrz most about the othr Baibul, wud unnerstan it compleetlee. So I asksed Mom to typ it up in mor hoomin Inglish, an onlee yooz LOLcat speak fer wen Ceiling Cat talkd or fer speshul werds. An Mom's genrullee cool, so she sed OK. So heer is the start. We hasn't figgerd out yet how to mayk jpgs out of mai crayon piktchurz that I droo. So we are yoozin othr stuffs fer now. Kthx.

Mom Says:

1. Ceiling Cat Creates the Universe and Everything, Including Urf

1. In the beginning, when Ceiling Cat created the universe, there was a whole lot of nothing absolutely everywhere, like darkness and dust and water and stuff, all mixed up. And Ceiling Cat hovered around, swooping over the face of the waters, being curious. Then Ceiling Cat said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayks ligt.” And there was light. And Ceiling Cat purred; and Ceiling Cat separated the dark from the light, and curled up and took a nap.

2. And Ceiling Cat woke up and stretched and said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayk som planetts out of the dust, an starz out of the ligt, an toss them into the dark bits.” And it happened. And Ceiling Cat purred and chased the planets and the stars around in the dark, leaping! and pouncing! on them and purring so loudly that they all spun around in the dark and they played with Ceiling Cat for a couple of millenieniums. And Ceiling Cat curled up and took a nap.

3. And Ceiling Cat woke up and stretched and licked his toes and his belly and watched the planets and the stars playing together like kittens, and he said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayks a speshul planet?” And he coughed and coughed and spat up a hairball, and shaped it into a planet, adding water and dust from the other planets, and sending it spinning with the others. And Ceiling Cat said, “I cogft up this planet, ‘urf, urf, urf,’ so I goin to call it Urf.” And Ceiling Cat purred and played with Urf, patting it and pouncing! on it, and leaving it with his footprints in some places and tall bits of dirt in others (like your litterbox, but much bigger and much nicer). And the Urf was hot and wet and Ceiling Cat said, “I wundr whut happnz if I mayk weedz an green stuffs?” And Urf brought forth weeds and green stuff of all kinds, and huge trees and brightly colored flowers of all kinds. And Ceiling Cat romped over the Urf, rolling in the weeds and chewing on the leaves and pouncing! on the flowers. And Ceiling Cat purred and curled up and took a nap.

4. When Ceiling Cat woke up, lots of millenieniums had passed. And he looked at the universe, at the planets and stars, and the darkness between them, and at Urf and its water and mountains and weeds and green stuff. And Ceiling Cat purred and said, “This all grayt! But I is bored.” So Ceiling Cat pooped on the Urf’s dirt, and kicked dirt and leaves over it and then rolled it into different shapes, tall, long, round and thin. Large as trees and small as leaves he made them, and he gave them teeth and claws and tails and wings, and said, “Be dinosaurs and romp around and eat stuff and practice your leaping! and pouncing!” And he breathed on them and purred. The dinosaurs of different kinds lived among the green plants and the fiery mountains. And Ceiling cat purred and curled up and took a nap.

5. Ceiling Cat woke and stretched and ran about the universe for a while, among the planets romping in the dark. He made stuff on some planets (which is secret and none of your business) and left other planets alone. And after several millenieniums doing this, he began to miss Urf, so he went back to see how the dinosaurs were doing.

6. Now Urf had changed considerably while Ceiling Cat was gone. Most of the volcanoes had fallen asleep and lots of dinosaurs had fallen into tar pits. But the one change Ceiling Cat had intended had not come to pass. The dinosaurs still had no fur. Ceiling Cat sprawled near the sun and thought. He realized that he had made the dinosaurs from his poop. If he wanted creatures to have fur, he would have to make them from his fur. Also, the dinosaurs, though fun to watch, were not very smart, for he had given them more muscle than brain, so they walked into tar pits and got themselves killed so that after only a few hundred millenieniums, there were almost none of them left. He would take thought and make new creatures. Right after a nap.

Mom Explains:

I really do know how to spell millennia, but Musashi insists that his spelling sounds much longer.

Creayshun Myfts Old an Nu

Mom Says:

So I’ve been trying to explain to Musashi how the creation story in Genesis works, that it is not a literal description of how God created the world, but a reasonable approximation, reasoned out and written by humans, of what made sense to them at the time, when they didn’t know any science as we understand it today. If he doesn’t feel comfortable with the story they came up with (or how it has been used), then he needs to consider who the poor old writers were, who were trying so desperately to figure out explanations for the stuff that happens (which also explains why sometimes the Bible offers two different stories explaining the same thing, back to back), good and bad together.

Musashi Sez:

Mom sed that if I doesn’t lik the storeez in her Genesis book, that I shud writ mai owns. She sez, “Wul, whut do yu thingk Ceiling Cat did? Writ it down. Why not? Yur ges is as gud as myn.”

An I sed, “Does I have to foller yer Genesis?” An she sed, “Cors not.” An I sed, “But cud I foller it?” An she sed, “Shur if yu wants to. Yu gots a vizhun of whut Ceiling Cat did an is keepin on doin, as far as this creayshun thin is consernd. Tell us that.”

An I sed, “This migt tayk a whyl. An I’ll need a purpul crayon…”

Mom Says:

Yu got it. I gives yu purpul crayon, an othr colrz, an som big paypr, an whutevr yu needs. I don’t noe how we ar goin to get it on yer website, but we’ll figgr that out. ‘Ceiling Cat will provyd.’

Musashi Sez:

That soun lik a qwot, but yu not sytid it.

Mom Says:

It is qwot, but yu ar too fast fer me. Is biblical, um, Genesis 22:34, I thingk.

Musashi Sez:

O, yah, the bit sayin, “Cuz Ceiling cat givz cheezburgrz.”

Mom Says:

Um, yeah. Probably. Wher I put mai green lettr baibul? It wuz around heer somwher…

Musashi Sez:

Mayk up mai owns creayshun storee. I lyks this ideer. Fer 1 thin, myn wud tayk mor tim. The ideer of Ceiling Cat creaytin werlds in the time it wud tayk him to puup—unbeleevabul. Huh. We kin do bettrer than that…