Egstra Holee Peeples

Musashi Sez:

OK, lik I promist, I’m goin to tell yu about this egstra holee gy, Fransis. But B4 I do that, I has to egsplayn whut a egstra holee peeple is. Jenrulee, they is calld “saints,” but I not lik that word. I slept on this ol book mai mom has, a calendr of the saints. I lookd up mai birftdae, Febrooaree 8, and the saynt fer that dae is John of Matha (1213): "He was the cofounder with Saint Felix of Valois, of the Order of Trinitarians for the redemption of Catholic captives who were taken by the Mohommedans" (Slaves 11). Wull, that not rigt. It shud be King Arthr. Huh.

Mom Says:

Um, King Arthur isn’t actually a saint…

ME: Reellee? How about Galahad? He a pertee holee gy.

MOM: Um, no.

ME: Why no?

MOM: Well, maybe because he got taken up into heaven with the Holy Grail and they couldn’t find his bones. People like to have saints’ bones to put in church altars and like that.

ME: That’s yukkee.

MOM: Yes. Yes, it truly is.

ME: Huh. Wull, anneewae, the othr big problem wift this pertiklr saint book is that 1) all the saints is hoomin, an 2) a whol lot of them is calld “Glorious Virgin Martyrs,” (Mom tried to egsplayn this to me, an tho I not cleer on it, it souns lik they all got taken to the vet).

MOM (changing the subject): The vast majority are also Roman Catholic.

ME: Huh. That jus relijun. Relijun not got a whol lot to do wift bein holee.

MOM: That’s a point of view, certainly. I tend to agree. Not everybody would.

ME: It MAI blog! Noboddee hav to agree wift me!

MOM: Good point. Well, what do you think of those other books I let you sleep on?

ME: The shinee blu one yu gots fer skool was lumpy. An tho it hads a wydr divrstee of peeples, they all still hoomin. I not imprest. Also, ther not piktchrz. Huh. An aneewae, it not gots a saint fer mai birftdae. I hopes they not waytin fer ME!!! I not goin to do that sorta stoopid saynt-stuff. Yu gets killd that wae, an when yu'r a aminal, yu gets killd reellee eezy aneewae. So, yah, I not imprest.

MOM: How about the new one with the big pictures?

ME: Hmf. Yus, this betterer. It got this laydee Joan wift some butterflyz, altho they dozn’t tell the nayms of them. An they got Kateri of the Iroquois wift her turtul buddee, altho they dozn’t sez his naym eethr. An Julian an her kittee are heer. I lik them bestest.

Works Cited
Chittester, Joan. A Passion for Life: Fragments of the Face of God. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis, 1996.
Holy Women, Holy Men: Celebrating the Saints. NY: Church Publishing, 2010.
Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Saints to Remember: From January to December. Still River, MA: 1961.

The Partee of Holy d00dz

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez that todae is the Feest of All Saynts. I sez, “The whut of all whuts?”

She sez, “It’s like a party to celebrate holy men and women, you know, the ones who make Ceiling Cat happy.”

“Oh,” sez I, “why yu not say that befor?” An then she givd me som zampuls. So heer they ar.

St. Augustine: Mom call him Saynt Crankeepants, cuz he not so nys to women, but he wuz reellee smart. Still, his mom shud’v togt him betterer. Negativ points.

St. Jerome: Saynt Eevn Mor Crankeepants, cuz he wuz eevn wors about women, but at least he tookt a thorn out of the paw of a Lion. So negativ points, but it cud hav been mor negativr.

St. Patrick: He the gy whu went to Ireland and mayd the snaks run away. Egsept they not run cuz they not have toes, but yu noe. Positiv points.

St. Joan of Arc: I not noe why they callz her this, cuz she got nothing to do wift Noah, but she had a veree cool sord. Lotsa points.

John 23: He not offishullee a saynt yet, but mom liks him cuz he made them Romin biships comb all the snarlz out of the Romin church, so they not be cogfin up hayrballz so much aneemor. Also, he mayks them trim their clawz so they not scratch peeples so mutch. Or somthin lik that. Positiv points.

St. Francis of Assississi: He is hard to stop spellin, but he the bomb fer us kittees and doggeez an othr critturz, cuz he talkt to us an eevn preetchd to us, an didn’t call us nastee nayms lik SOM peeples whu claym to be saynts. (Huh!) Points off the map!!!

So I asks mom wen she goin to invyt theez gyz ovr to eets wift us. She sez they’r mostlee ded. That is jus weerd. Why yu partee wift a buntch of ded gyz? This is startin to soun lik that Harry Pottr fellr an his antiks. Huh.