Anothr Alturnativ Theeory Ceilin Cat Don't Cayr Fer

Musashi Sez:

In the speerit of offrin lotsa poyntz of vyu, I has desydid to tell yu about anothr of them cozmik theeoreez, onlee this tim, it is a theeory that hadzd inflooins on the eeventz of the hoomin baibul an the kittee baibul (which it turn out is not the saym as lolcat bible; whu nu?). So I tell yu whut folks beleevd wae bak, an laytr on, when I gets ther in mai nu revyzd verzhun of kittee baibul, I will tell yu how it all fit togethr.

See, wae bak, about 2 millenieniumz ago, in Souft Merika, lotsa peeples wer beleevin in this god naymd Qwetzlko-attul. He wuz a snayk wift a coat mayd of green fethrz. His naym meen (yu not goin to beleev this) “snayk wift fethrz.” He wuz god of ayr an wind an knowin stuffs. The hoominz killed aminals to keep him happee. It wer a verree uglee tim. But the Aztek kitteez, whu not noe betterer, worshipppt him, an yu kin imajin the attrakshun to a kittee of somthin that is part wigglee snayk an part berd. They musta ben watchin him fer hours an hours wiftout eevn blingkin.

I gives yu piktchurz of whut this god feller migt hav lookt lik. Pertee scaree feller. I gotta say, I todallee preferz Ceiling Cat, whu at leest look lik me, an isn’t neer as scary. Huh.