Saturday, September 12, 2009
Mai Kyndr an Jentlr Blog
OK. So I bet that lotsa yu reederz hav ben sayin to yerselvz, “Whut got into that Musashi? He ben verree agressiv, with the vyolins an scayree stuff. I thogt he wuz a sweet an jentul kittee. I has a sad!”
An yu noe whut? Yu ar egzaktlee rigt. From now on, this blog is goin to focus on kyndr an jentlr topics. An to showz yu I meen it, I’m goin to start by lookin at this Baibul thing mai mom is studyin at skool. This the book wher Ceiling Cat say he a sheep houskeepr, rigt? Yu jus can’t get jentlr than sheeps.
So we starts wift Genesis (Mom sez that meen “beginningz,” but I don’t beleev it. She sez it com from anothr langwudj. She also sez that this reellee old dOOd, Martn Loothr, he sez yu shud reed Baibul in yer own langwudj, so I gives yu the Revyzd LOLCat Verzhun. Is revyzd cuz Mom fix a littul of the spellin so yu foks whu aren’t fluent kin unnerstand. Yu reddee? (It goin to be jus a littul long, so if yu gots to go to the littr boks, yu shud probabul go now.)
Yu bak? OK! Heer it com!
Genesis 1:1-25 Boreded Ceiling Cat Makinkgz Urf n Stuffs
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat mayd teh skiez an da urths, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urths no had shapez an hadz dark face, an Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lite. An Ceiling Cat sez, I can haz lite? An lite wuz. 4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, an splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark an not tripz over nothin. 5 An Ceiling Cat sed lite Day, an dark No Day. It were FURST!!!
6 An Ceiling Cat sed, I’m in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a urth. An he maded a hole in teh ceiling. 7 An Ceiling Cat mayd teh skiez with waterz down an waterz up. It happen. 8 An Ceiling Cat sed, I can has teh firmmint (wich iz funny bibel naym 4 ceiling), so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in urth’s base, an Ceiling Cat maydz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet. 10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz Urth and waters Oshun. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sed, DO WANT grass! So tehr wuz seedz an stufs, an fruitzors an vegtabels. An a Corm. It happen. 12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz is good, so, letz there be weedz! 13 An so teh threeth day: jazzhands!
14 An Ceiling Cat sed, I can has lightz in the skiez for splittin Day an No Day. 15 It happen, lights everwher, like christmus, srsly. 16 An Ceiling Cat mayd two grate lightz, teh most big for Day, teh othr for No Day. 17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails an stuff, to lite teh Urths.18 An tehy rulez day an night. Ceiling Cat sawed: iz reelee good. 19 An so teh furth day, wOOt!
20 An Ceiling Cat sed, waterz bring me fishies an burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem. 21 An Ceiling Cat mayd big fishies an see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, an other stuffs dat mooves, an Ceiling Cat sawed iz good. 22 An Ceiling Cat sed, O hai, make bebehs, kthx. An don’t worry, I won’t watch u secksy, I not that kynd uf kitteh. 23 An so teh...fith day. (Eevn Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cownt.)
24 An Ceiling Cat sed, I can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, an creepie things, an othr aminals. It happen, so ther. 25 An Ceiling Cat mayd moar living stuff, mooes, an creepies, an othr animuls, an did not eated tehm.
This still 5th day. An ther jus a littul mor blog to com, so if yu didn’t go to littr boks befor, an yu’r thingkin now that yu shud hav gon, yu go now. We wait.
La la la.
OK, now I let Mom sez her thin, an then I sez myn. (Be payshunt wift her. She’z onlee hoomin peeples on owtsyd. She kittee peeplez on insyd. I thingk.)
Okay, I’m just going to quote a human scholar of the Hebrew Bible, Walter Brueggeman. (I give him at least three stars; who knows what Musashi will think…) He says:
The creation story tells “that the world (‘heaven and earth’) belongs to God [Ceiling Cat], is formed and willed by God [CC], is blessed by God [CC] with abundance, is to be cared for by the human creatures who are deeply empowered by God [CC], but who are seriously restrained by God [CC]. The creation [narrative is] an affirmation of the goodness of the world intended by God [CC]…” (Brueggeman 31-32).
Huh. I getz that hoomin peeples is empowrd, cuz they got thumz. But I has hard tim seein the restraynin bit. I keep thingkin that if Ceiling Cat had been thingkin cleererer, he wud hav givn kittees thums an not bothrd wift hoominz. Egsept mebbe fer mai mom, an mai Ont Haydee an Onkul Josh. But noboddee els!!! (An mai cuzzin Raychul, an mai frend Karli. But that all! Srsly.)
An if I thingks that, as a kittee peeple, kin yu imajin whut the cow peeples and the piggee peeples, an the sheep peeples thingk? An I bet them whaylz hav a opinyon, too…
Brueggeman, Walter. An Introduction to the Old Testament. Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2003.