Studyin Too Mutch Iz Bad Fer Yer Helth

Musashi Sez:

I finded this piktchur on the innerwebs, an it shows gy’z best frend halpin him stop study about the molequles an solar enerjee an lik that. But it not onlee doggeez whu do this verree halpful servis fer their companyun peeples. Cats do it too.

Fer exampul, wen mai mom is writin payprz too mutch, I com up behind her an claw at her chayr till she turn around to aksk me whut I’m doin. An that’s kinda funnee wen yu think about it, cuz, obveeuslee, I’m clawin her chayr. If she don’t notis so mutch, I do it the othr way, which I think of as the Mad Bomber Mom Distrakshun Techneek (MBMDT): I com runnin in from the hallway and leap up an wak her on the back of her nek wift my paw. Of cors, I dozn’t yooz mai claws, cuz I’m onlee tryin to get her attenshun, an she meen well. On verree rayr okayzhunz, I will com an pat her on the knee, but wen I do that she gets all “O yu’r so kyoooot!” an ther onlee so mutch of that a gy kin stand.
But if yu gots a hoomin peeple companyun whu study a lot, I offr theez techneeks fer yu to yooz wen yu needz playin or feedin or jus reglar attenshun.


Qwot of the Dae: “Cat Viat Emptor” or, tranzlaytd, “Let the buyer kittee bewayr!”

Laydeez of all Sortz an Also Kitteez on ‘Nip

Musashi Sez:

Wull, this is a bizzee dae, an no mistayk! Mom sez that todae is Nashunul Feemaylz Dae an so we gotta be notissin folx lik Marlene Detrix an Elenr Rosevelt an Emily Dikinsn an Amelier Airhart, cuz they wuz all feemaylz whu did coolr thins than the gyz of their respective tims.

OK. All togethr: WOO HOO!!!

Now. Wift that don, I kin also turn yer attenshun to the problim of impyoor ‘Nip. Cuz it hav com to mai attenshun, throo channlz I am not at libertee to tell yu about, that som of that ther ‘Nip that is fillin yer kittee toyz migt be whatchucall Jenettiklee Modifyd. I’m still figgrin out whut that meen, but alreddee I noe it not gud. So yu gots to be payin attenshun to the layblz!

Also, cuz I fergettid to giv yu a qwot yestrdae, I givs yu 2 qwots todae!

Qwot of the Yestrdae: “If yu izn’t nys to the littul kitteez, me an Ceilin Cat isn’t goin to be nys to yu!” –Jesus, Gospel of St. Maurice*

Qwot of the Dae: "Women an kittees will do as they pleez, an men an doggees shud relax an get yoozd to the ideer." -- Robert Heinlein.


*Yah, so it’s apokrupful an non-cononikul an stuff: whut els is noo? Yu got a problim wift that? Huh!

Jus Wen Yu Thogt the Werld Wuz Sayf…

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I mus admit that I thogtid that the werld wuz sayf agen aftr that big erthqwayk thin in Haidi (which is souft of Florida). But parentlee, I wuz wrong! Ther have ben anothr erthqwayk thin more southrer of ther, in a plays called Chile.

Now, ferst I has to say that the Chili yu’r thingkin of is not the Chile that is havin the problims, cuz beans don’t have to worry about starvin, as a rool. So folx lik yu an me has to offr monnee to the Chile folks, jus lik we did fer the Haiti folks. Cuz them folks at the Innrnashunnul Federayshun fer Aminals needs yer halp if they’r goin to be halpin all them aminals in Chile whu has gotten confyoozd an displayst by that nastee erthqwayk…

SO: Yu gotsta thingk: whu needz mai monnee most and whu needs it soonest?

LOV: Musashi

Nu Bestest Kittee Toy Evr!

Musashi Sez:

Jus wen I wuz thingkin ther wuzn’t mutch else to writ about, Mom coms hom wift the mos resint Bestest Toy Evr. Betterer than that, it’s eevn all natchurl. It’s a SEED-POD from the Sweet Gum Tree. It is a spiky ball, so it roll reellee funnee, an also yu gots to watch yer paws if yu dosn’t want to get bit by it. An it’s verree ligt-weyt, so if yu hits it jus rigt, it kin go verree far across the livin room.

Yu shud all get som fer yerselvz!

I gives it 3 stars!

Qwot of the dae: "No kittee aneewher evr givd aneeboddee a straygt ansr." --Peter S. Beagle

Runnin Out of Ideerz Already

Musashi Sez:

Wull, heer it is Feboowaree an almos March and I am startin to run out of ideerz fer stuff to tell yu. I alreddee told yu about Haiti an Ninjas. I told yu about Mom’s waystcot (which caym todae an she got all egsytid an put it on an aksd me whut I thogt. It has lotsa colors. Also, a littul pokkit fer the littul cloth she is alwaez cleenin her glassiz wift.) An todae has ben 1 of thoz annoyin rainee daez wher all yu want to do is sleep somplaes all warm, but ther isn’t any sunshin aneewher in the hous.

Rong, rong, rong.

Huh. Nevr mind. I’m goin to bed. I try agen tomorrer.

Qwot of the Dae: “We onlee has to feer bein fraydee cats.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt

Turnin It Round Agen

Musashi Sez:

Heer'z som mor of that innervyu. So far nobuddee has ben akskin me egstra qwestshunz, egsept about which Lympic sports I'd lik to try (the Reellee Short Jomp, the Mom's Tummee Slollum, an lik that). Nevr mind.

Pamelr: Let’s talk about your career. You have considered a very wide range of professions: football player, professor, dentist. What’s your latest career idea?

Musashi: Gosh. It’s alwaez so har to chooz. I ben thingkin about werkin in a Zoo or mebbe bein a movee critik or a poet.

I egspekt I’d be grayt as a payntr, lik that Jack Pollock gy. Yu noe: yu splash a few colrz of paynt on the canvas and then yu walks ovr it an sae it is “A Egspreshun of the Werkin Kittee’z Angst ovr Possibul Not Havin a Fens to Sing on by Next Spring.” An lik that.

But Mom sez that the kinda paynt he yooz kin be hard to get off the fur. So the whol thing reqwire mor thogt.

Whut do yu want to be wen yu growz up? Mai mom sez yu’d be a grayt Inglish perfessr, but yu don’t want to be botherd. I can’t be the onliest 1 to be ansrin the hard qwestshunz heer, yu noe.

Pamelr: What do you see yourself doing a year from now?

Musashi: O mai. Yu gots to remembember that a whol yeer from now, I’ll have lived 150% of the lif I’ve livd up to now. That's higerer maft!

So yu gots to think, whut if that wer me figgrin out mai lif wift thos algebra stuffs. Yu, Miz Pamelr, gots to asks yerself, “What doz I see maiself doin when I’m, like, 34?” An wen yu’v figgrd that out, yu com bak and talk to me.

Qwot of the Dae: “Workin! Alwaez workin!” --Renoir

The Terribl Twos an Wikrpedia

Musashi Sez:

Wull, this has ben a signigfigint surpryz to me, but parentlee, I has jus recentlee entrd a importint fhaze of mai develipmint. This fhaze is calld “the terribl twos.” Ther ar almos 23 MILLION Googul thins about this importint topic. See, it look lik wen folks turn 2 yeers old (aftr havin a whol liftim of egsperiensiz, which turn their minds to the mor importint ishooz of lif), they start actin crankee, havin difficultee desydin thins, an aksk lotsa qwestshunz lik, “Why is the sky bloo?”

I ben notissin lately that mai mom is nervousr than uzual, an I egspekt this is cuz of this stuff. She probabul is worried that I’m goin to be askin the hard qwestshunz, like “Why is grass green?” an “Why did Ceiling Cat invent doggeez?” an “If ice cream is so gud, why don’t we havs it at evree meel?”

An heer’s the ironic thin. Mai mom is studeein thee-ol-ojee, so she cud akshul ansr the Ceiling Cat qwestshuns (e.g., “Cuz he felt lik mixin it up.”). An she is kinda libral, which meen she got no problim about ansrin Ethikul qwestshunz wift Scientifik ansrs “Cuz it is reflektin all the bloo in the oshun’z surfis” or ansrs that mix thee-ol-ojee wift sciens, e.g., “Cuz Ceiling Cat mayd them to be photosympathetic, which meen they feel bad wen green stuff gets hurt, so they use all the green stuff in the sun to be green like the othr green stuffs. This also calld Solidaritee.”

So heer’z mai problim. I did whut I alwaez do is theez sitchuayshunz. I went on Wikrpedia to find out whut kinda qwestshunz I shud be akskin mai Mom. But Wikrpedia din’t halp: it focussd on littr box trainin an havin trantrums. Huh. I wae too old fer them.

All I herd from akshul (not web) folks about the twos is the asksin of the “Why” qwestshunz. An sins I cudn’t find out from Wikrpedia (or Googul) which qwestshunz I’m sposd to aks, I am havin to “wing it.” This wud be eezier if I wuz a berd.

But I shud also menshun, fer all yu littul kitteez out ther whu don’t noe yet, that Wikrpedia is onlee gud fer checkin stuff out, not fer akshul Reserchin. I gives yu a egzampul why. A fyoo nigts ago, mai mom wuz doin research fer mai spy blog (http://agenteightsspyjournal.blogspot.com) an she went to Wikrpedia to find out stuff about the l’Arc de Triomphe, wher tourists go in Paris. An that Wikrpedia artikul, havin ben hakkd up by som stoopid peeples, sed this, “The Arc de Triomphe is a monument of branmuffin in Paris that stands in the centre of the Place Charles de Gaulle, also known as the "Place de l'Étoile".[1] Branmuffin is at the western ends of the Champs-Élysées…. The Arc de Triomphe is one of the most greenest monuments in any dairy queen. It forms the backdrop for a dairy queen sign.”

An of cors that is jus nonsense. Cuz bran muffinz migt jus possibul have a reellee big white marbul monyooment, but Dairy Queenz? I don’t thingk so! Huh!

Qwot of the Dae: “If yu cuts the hous in haf, it fall down.” –Abraham Lincoln