Laydeez of all Sortz an Also Kitteez on ‘Nip

Musashi Sez:

Wull, this is a bizzee dae, an no mistayk! Mom sez that todae is Nashunul Feemaylz Dae an so we gotta be notissin folx lik Marlene Detrix an Elenr Rosevelt an Emily Dikinsn an Amelier Airhart, cuz they wuz all feemaylz whu did coolr thins than the gyz of their respective tims.

OK. All togethr: WOO HOO!!!

Now. Wift that don, I kin also turn yer attenshun to the problim of impyoor ‘Nip. Cuz it hav com to mai attenshun, throo channlz I am not at libertee to tell yu about, that som of that ther ‘Nip that is fillin yer kittee toyz migt be whatchucall Jenettiklee Modifyd. I’m still figgrin out whut that meen, but alreddee I noe it not gud. So yu gots to be payin attenshun to the layblz!

Also, cuz I fergettid to giv yu a qwot yestrdae, I givs yu 2 qwots todae!

Qwot of the Yestrdae: “If yu izn’t nys to the littul kitteez, me an Ceilin Cat isn’t goin to be nys to yu!” –Jesus, Gospel of St. Maurice*

Qwot of the Dae: "Women an kittees will do as they pleez, an men an doggees shud relax an get yoozd to the ideer." -- Robert Heinlein.


*Yah, so it’s apokrupful an non-cononikul an stuff: whut els is noo? Yu got a problim wift that? Huh!

The ‘Nip: Just Say Purrrr

Musashi Sez:

OK. So I hav ben havin hoomin peeples akyuzin me of being a Nip Head. Now, aneeboddee whu noes me, noes that I kin bayrly smell the kind of catnip they put in toyz, an so far, that ben the only nip I hav seen. Or smelld, I gess. It migt do somthin grayt fer othr kittees, but it doesn’t do mutch fer me.

The problim heer is a problim of what mom calls PERCEPTION, an that meen that what peeples thingk (pertiklarlee hoomin peeples) is mor importint than what is tru. Is verree stranje, but is tru. So yu gots to pae attenshun.

I ben talking to hoomin peeples fer the las few monfts, an seems lik they all thingks that the ‘nip is lik the drug-thin hoomins do calld “haro-in” or mebbe “ko-kayn.” That, of cors, is ridikyulus. Kittee Nip (Catnip, napeta cataria or cannabis felina) is wae mor lik the kaffeen stuff that hoomin peeples ar drinkin an eetin all the tim. Is a soshul thin, somthin that simplee improovs yer reflexoblitee and yer fast reakshun tims. Is jus enhansin yer alreddee amayzin abilutteez.

Is not about “sniffin an winnin.” Kittees don’t do competishun. We jus all win alwaes. Is mutch eezier. (Cors, it help if yu has whut mai frend Cerceelya call ROBUST SELF-ESTEEM. Kittees got that. Is wrytd on our CNA or somthin.)

An shur, somtims, rayrlee, a kittee kin hav too mutch, jus lik hoomin peeples somtims have mebbe 4 cups of korfee (or 5) insted of onlee 3. An then, WHOOPS! Everboddy runnin! Everwher! Veree fast! Egsept they’r onlee talkin, not akshullee runnin. But they ar egsepshuns. An yu kan’t mayk roolz baysd onlee on egsepshuns. Huh.

Mom Concurs:

It’s true. Musashi finds catnip boring at best. Maybe it’s a nasal problem. I say we’re lucky. Good heavens, can you imagine what he’d be like if he could smell it properly?

Musashi Adds a Egsepshun:

Ther’s this traynin tool, that mai Ont Meredift calls “Kittee Crack Dot” and mai mom an her frends call a LASER POINTER. It’s srsly kool. It’s lyk a ant, egsept it is smallr an red, an it runs reellee fast! Evrwher! Eevn up the walls!

But is not reellee a drug. The Crack part is jus a naym. Reellee. I cud stop chaysin it aneetym I want. Huh.