The Advenchur Continyooz, in Bayrlee Aneetym

Mom Says:

Agent Alek pulled up at the side door of the Licktenshtinian bank, right where another van already sat. He pulled out the vacuum and headed toward the door, which opened for him. As he rolled the machine toward the front of the bank, the canvas bag showed not a single wiggle, as though Agent Octavian had mastered the art of stillness, but when they reached the ventilation grill in the lobby and Alek bent down to let him out, he found he had to wake him up first.

Alek said, “Eight, while I admire your nerves of steel, you might want to take this job a bit more seriously.”

Octavian yawned. “I’m plentee seeryus.” He stretched and pulled out his MicroZip Screwdriver as Alek plugged in the vacuum. At a nod from Octavian, they both turned on their tools at the same time.

Zzzzp! Zzzzp! Zzzzp! Zzzzp!

The grill fell into Octavian’s paws. With a wave to Alek, he holstered his tool and jumped into the dark tunnel. Behind him, Alek set the grill against the wall and fixed it in place with sticky pegs. He pocketed the loose screws, unplugged the vacuum, and rolled it away.

Rekonnasins, Kittee Style

Mom Says:

Alek drove Agent Octavian to the white concrete building with the darkened windows and parked. He got out and opened the back door, and Octavian leaped out.

“Good luck, Eight,” he said.

Octavian strolled into the bank, his black plume of a tail held high.

Herr Direktor Schmidt covered his surprise with polished ease as the black cat strolled up to him and sat at his feet next to the polished brass ventilation grille.

The lights glinted on the gemstones in the cat's collar, and he scratched his ear.

“Herr Octavian,” said Schmidt. “It is a pleasure.”

“Hayr Shmit, thanx fer meetin me. I herd gud thins about yer bank bak in Londin.”

Schmidt led him into his office, which was all dark wood and soft leather. “So kind,” he said. “In your letter you indicated that you might be interested in taking advantage of our…special services.”

Octavian jumped up on the leather armchair and curled his tail around his feet. “Wel, yu noe how it is. I mayd mor monnee in wun of mai…biznissiz… than I egspektid, an I had to put all the ekstra in mai littr boks, an now it’s all kinda stinkee, if yu noe what I meen.”

“Er, quite. Well, I’m sure we can accommodate you. Your secretary will be arranging the delivery, I presume?”

“Yes, he’s verree gud at that stuff. So, yu do all the werk heer in this bildin?”

“The majority of it, by far, jah. The principality of Lichtenstein is so small that we must build down, you see, so the building is more considerable than it may appear.”

“Yu don’t sae,” said Octavian, as Schmidt escorted him out.

Musashi Sez:

There was som mor stuff, lik, “Oh whut a nys contree yu hav heer, wift all the mountenz, “ etc., but yu wudn’t be innerestid in all that. I went hom to the hotel an tuk a nap.

Arrivin in Yoorup

Mom Sez:

Stars twinkled on the broad wings of the 747 as it banked for its final descent into the Zurich airport. The wheels bounced once, twice, three times on the tarmac and then rolled to a halt. Anyone waiting in the arrivals section, watching, would sigh softly in relief and then stare eagerly at the door, pretending nonchalance, while raking their eyes over the seemingly innocent tourists, worrying, perhaps, about one who seemed just a bit too good to be true.

Businessmen in suits marched in, yawning. A young man, carrying an attaché case in one hand and a long black leash in the other, attracted brief attention. But once the onlookers saw the black cat attached by a harness to the leash, they looked away, as if to say, “Oh, just another foreigner.”

The cat raised his head and sniffed the Swiss air. Then the two made their way through customs and out to where a hired car awaited them.

Musashi Sez:

The car ryd from Zoorik to Vadooz was jus horribul, wift turning cornrs, stopping, startin agen… It remindid me wai I don’t lik car rydz. An if that weren’t bad enugf, mai eerz kept poppin.

Alek, mai “sekretaree,” offrd me som choowin gum, but I cudn’t imajin Jimbond blowin bobbulz, so I sed, “No thanx.”

Wen we got to the hotel (it had treez in it!!!) Alek did stuff wift payprz an then we went up to our room (biggr than mom’s whol partment!) an slept fer ten owrs strayt. This whol spyin thin is hardr than I egspektid.

Mai Osmosis

Musashi Sez:

As mos hoomin peeples whu liv wift kittee peeples noe, kitteez do mos of their lernin by nappin on books an “printouts” an lik that. This follo from Rul #14: If yu’r doin it, we’r sleepin on it. Wiftout that rul, kitteez migt not hav becom the rulrz of the wurld that we ar. At the verree leest, we probabul wud not hav lernd neerlee so mutch.

Anneewae, durin this week wen I am bizzee lernin as mutch as I kin fer mai secret mishun, I am doin a lot of this lernin by osmosis. (Prezumabul, Mosis lernd his 10 Commands from God jus lik this, sleepin on them big roks wift the writin. We ar luckee in the 21st centuree to hav paypr to be sleepin on. Evn them hard-covr books is comfortabuler than big rocks.)

The books that “M” sent me ar the baysiks: Survaylins fer Kitteez, Countr-Monnee-Washin fer Kitteez, Licktenshtyn on $1000 a Day, an Gettin to Noe Yer F146 Camra-Collr. I also tryd nappin on Licktenshtyn: Brayv Countree of Mountenz!, but it was so borin, I fell off the couch in mai sleep.

Rigt now I am sleepin as fast as I kin, cuz I noe that tomorro or the dae aftr, I’ll be getting mai quipmint from “Q” an so I’ll hav to sleep on Gettin to Noe Yer Micro/Paw-Drivn Layzr Cuttr. I’m thingkin that mom won’t be too happee about it, so I migt hav to hid it unner a couch pillo or somthin….

An mebbe this the downsid of spyin. Shur, yu gets the egsotik lifstyl, the grayt fud, an hart-skramblin dangr. But yu also has to puts up wift deseet an lik that.

This deep stuff. I got to be taykin a nap now. Nigt.

Mai Promoshun!

Todae Ms. Dench sae mai teetchrz yoonanimously votid fer me to skip rest of traynin an go on a praktis mishun!

Mai Khemistree teetchr wanted me to go somplaes calld Norftkoreer, an mai parashootin teetchr wanted me to go to Norftpol, but Ms. Dench sed we’d start wift Licktenshtyn, sins I alreddee nappd on lotsa books about it, an she thingks it's the kin of mishun that needz a kittee'z tutch. An if I do reellee well, she's goin to put me in IS, the Inter-Speciez divizhun.

So I got a week off to perpayr, an then I starts mai spyin!!!

Mai Praktis Mishun

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez I shud start small wift mai spyin, so I asksed Ms. Dench to send me to this littul playse calld Lick-ten-shtyn. It is nex to Switzerlun an it has a big problin wift hoomin peeples bringin their monnee to be washd. Wai they can’t wash it at hom, I dunno, but parently, this is problim.

Mai granpa has workd wift this problim heer in the Amerika. Neer as I kin figger, wen you washiz yer monnee, the green stuff fayd so it hard to see how mutch is werth. Ms. Dench sez they been washin thoz Inglish pound payprs so mutch, she can’t hardly see the numbrz anyeemor. So I gotta go in an see what I kin do.

But is a big seekrit, so don’t tell noboddee, OK?

Kthxbai.

Almos 008.