Wull, I has toldid yu about all them relijus types whu started Merika cuz they wanted their freedom to worship Ceiling Cat in their own wae, wiftout othr peoples tellin them whut to do. (An it occur to me that I forgettid to tell yu about the Salem witch trials, but I do that laytr, OK?) So now I goin to tell yu about the othr big thin that started Merika, and that ar taxis. This not the state wift the folks in the big hats, or the cars with the little ligts on top whut tayks yu to the airport. This the thing wher wen the gobermint want to build a road they mayks yu pay money for somthin that is not a road, lik buks or kittee toys. (This is gobermint lojik fer yu.)
So now we getting up to 1773. Wae bak in Inglund, the King was tryin to get money to pay fer his war in Yoorup, an his own folks was getting crankee about payin. So he sed he wud get money from his “othr subjects,” the coloneez, which include the Unitee States, although at the tim they wasn’t states or unitee. So he put a tax on the tea that his ships brogtid to Merika, an he wudn’t let anybodee else bring tea to Merika, altho the Dutch folks somtim smuggld tea in.
Wull, Merika was still Inglish at the tim, an them Inglish do loves their tea. But the Sons of Libertea, who were arguing that tea ougt to be free (an hense the naym) got really mad. They started coffee shops, so Merikans wud has somewhere to go to do their homework whil drinkin hot stuff wift caffeen. This mayk the British mad, cuz they wasn’t sellin enugf tea. Sam Adams wuz mad cuz peoples wasn’t drinkin his beer, cuz they likd the coffee so much. An the tea sailsmen wer mad cuz they had ships at the port in Boston, where the Boston folks weren’t letting them get their teabags out of their ships to sell unless they paid the Boston governr the money they hadn’t ernd yet from the tax.
So Sam an his frends dressed up as Indyuns an yoozed lots of gloo to put their hair up in purpl Mohawks an they ran onto the tea ships an dumped all the teabags into Boston Harbor. I know yu has a hard tim bleevin the hair part, but yu gots to remembmer that coffee has lots more caffeen than tea, an they wuzn’t yoozd to it yet. So they gots a littul overegsytid, kinda lik when I has been nappin all day an Mom com hom an she has to chays me around the partmint befor I calms down. Onlee they wuz doin it fer a gud cause: libertea. Also, ther wuz this othr thing: no taxayshun wiftout representayshun, which meen if yu want to com tax us, we gotta be abul to see whut yer doin wift our money. An we want to vot fer yu first.
The Legasee of the Boston Tea Partee was three-fold (this my noo word fer the dae): Boston halped start the Merican Revolooshun, we got our own stamp wift teabags on it, an also them littul kyoocumbrer samwhiches becaym verree popyoolar fer a whil in the coloneez. Peeples wud ordr their coffee an them littul samwhiches an folks wud sae: “Hey! Yu havin a Boston Tea Partee! Hnrf, hnrf, hnrf!” an think they wuz bein verree funnee. I egspekts they started the revolooshun mostlee so peoples wud stop maykin the bad jok.
OK. That’s all fer now. Oh. An also don’t fergit to remind me to rememberer to tell yu about them witches, cuz it was also veree egsytin. I don’t noe why folks think histree is borin, when it got all this runnin an jumpin an cafeen in it!!!