Sooprman’z Dillemma

Musashi Sez:

Mai granpa sed somthin funnee to mai mom todae, about how Mistr Sooprman hasn’t got anee plays to chaynj his clothez now that all of them ol-fashund telefon boofts has gon awae. Mom sez mebbe he shud chaynj in them ATM closits.

I thingk they’r not lookin at the reel problim, which ar clothez. Hoomin peeples got this crayzee thing about wayrin all theez diffrint clothez all the tim, eevn tho clothez is egspensiv. They shud wayr fur insted. Yu nevr has to chaynj it, an it lick cleen verree eezy.

Of cors, hoomin peeples not hav sutch gud tongz fer lickin, so mebbee they will need to get big brushiz lik the one mom yooz on me somtimez. But thingk how much monnee they cud sayv an then they cud spend it on mor importint stuffs lik jingl ballz an catnip moussees. Huh.

Diffrints Fuds

Musashi Sez:

Hallo, hoomin an othr peeple Fanz! I is heer todae to celrbrayt “chikin an turkee” kinda fud. Mai mom was feedin me toonr fud, but she wuz getting nervus about how mutch merkree ther is in fish, cuz ‘parentlee, them fisheez yooz them ol’fashund merkree thermometrz wen they is sik, and this leed to bad stuffs, the deetaylz of which ar confuzzlin to me.

But ANYwhoo, mai mom has ben getting me nue fuds: chikin an turkee an stuffs lik that. All this is bringin me bak to mai orijnal feelyn hairy-tij. Wen I eetz it, I remembrz how my ansestr kitteez fougt on the savannr wift them chikinz, an turkeez an salminz.

Huh. Jus the memree alon mayk me feel lik a skaree, advenchursum fellr!

So I am OK wift the ideer of shiftin to a nue fud. Turnz out, iz verree hip to trai nue thins!

Paws, Softball Batz, an Jenrul Giltee

Musashi Sez:

Recentlee, Mom has ben havin the crankee. She sez it ar becuz of me pattin her on the arm or fays or jumpin on her livr. She sez that it wud be wun thing if I did this at 7:30 a.m. on the dayz wen she haz gotta get up early (Mundae, Toozdae, Thirdsdae, an Frydae), which jus so happen to be mai daez orf. She thingk that mai workdaez, Wenzdae an Saturndae, partiklee at 5:17 in the mornin, shuld be much mor qwietr than they ar (Also, she a bit jellis that I onlee werks 2 daez and she hafta werk 5 daez.)

Forchoonatlee, Sundaez is both of us’s dae of rest an baythin an homwerks. So she reeds an reeds and reeds, an I spends the saym tim maykin shur that my chest an sholders an arms and pawz is cleen. Then I mayk shur that mai tummee an bak ar cleen. She watchiz me cleen maisalf inbtween her reedin. She sez yoosful stuffs lik, “Huh, yu missd a spot, Musashi” or “Aw, yu so cyoot, Musashi,” liks yu wud egspeckt a mothr-typ-persin to do. An somtim she muttr, “Huh, how com yu not so cyoot an qwiet at 5-30 o’clok in the mornin?”

An I doesn’t say nothin, cuz she reellee need to fokis on her homwerk, but I is thingkin verree hard about this fellr namd “Simin’s Kittee.” He is a moovee star!!! His hoomin persin has his own websyt to tell all about him, jus lik that faymusest kittee in Japan, naymed Maru. Yu kin find him an his firstest moovee at http://www.simonscat.com/Films/Cat-Man-Do/

Autum Eekwinox, Soopervyzin, an Lik That

Musashi Sez:

So of cors, me an my mum did the Eekwinox dans on Friday the 23rds, cuz we hadsta welcom the noo seezon as bestest we cud, an that tend to meen dansin, wen mai mom is consernd. Huh. She ligt a candul an pik me up an we dansiz. Huh. Az if kittee peeplez dans. Not eevn. But she is mutch biggerer than me, so I goez along wift it.

Reluktintlee.

Meenwhil, we has hads the eksytmint this past week or so an no mistayk!!!

Firstest ther wuz this verree annoyin rush of wattr in the baftroom, from lik seelin to flor. Then Mom shuttid me in her rum wen them plummbererz com to fix it. Then I got free fer a whil an then she shuttid me in agen, cuz the plastrer caym, but my othr room-ayte had lettid me out an this plastr fellr, Enriko, wuz verree cayrful not to let me get neer the dor. Huh. Jus as wel, tho. Ther is not toyz an treets an blankeez in our partmint lobbee.

Hom is better. Eevn if ther ar plastr dust all ovr the baftroom flor. An then Mom wuz hom ovrr weekend an she mopt the baftroom to mayk the plastr dust go awae. I mayd shur to be ther to sooprvyz, an yu noez, mayk shur she gottid all the spots. But wen I went bak to luk, it tern out that she miss a big spot! As big as ME!

So I toldid her that, nex tym, I wud sooprvys the saym, but I wud bring mai clipbord, so I cud chek thinz off. She sed (an I qwotz), “Huh. Then I’ll leev a spot exactlee as big as yu AN yur clipbord.”

I told her that not mayk sens. She sez, “Yu sit an thingk about it. Yu figgr it out evetchoolee, I noez yu will.”

Noer an Hiz ol’ Ark

Musashi Sez:

So my mom haz ben talkin about this gy Noer laytlee.

Akshulee I haz to go bak. Roun about 2 yeer ago, we writid a verzhun of the Jenisisis creayshun storee. This wuz Septembir 2009. Wull now mai mom is taykin a clas on Ceiling Cat and Creayshun, an also enviromentul ethiks. So she mentchun to her frend at skool that we haz writid this verzhun of the storee wift them dynosorz an the Glaysher Ayj (that wun wift all the ais an sno). This mayk her happee and it maydid her frend an her frend’z son happee, cuz that whol Ais-Ayj an dynosor-thing wuz not in the orijinul skript, as it tern owt. So it seem like that Bybul need to be updaytid. Huh.

So todae I is doin som mor of this theolojikul reeflekshun, this tim about Noer. Cuz altho we noez that some vegtabbulz automatiklee gets considered importint, aminal peeplez not alwaez get sutch rekognishun.

An heer’z whut I thingks. I's gonna let mai mom tranzlayt mai thingkin so everboddee unnerstandz it.

Mom Sez:

According to Musashi, one of the major problems of the story of Noah and the Ark is that they din’t mayk accommodations for…well…everybody’s poop. Musashi figures that there must have been a Poop Barge. Apparently, somehow the wasps, hummingbirds, chipmonks, rabbits, sheep, cows, hippopotamice, and elepfunts are all going to walk along a very nerrow rope between the Ark and the Barge, so as to get to their litter boxes.

Microscopic litter boxes, small litter boxes, medium, large, extra large, and elephuntyn litter boxes…

You get the picture.

And oh, yes, they all walk back across the rope back to the Ark.

Yeah, whut yer problim wift that?

Bein the Bizziest Kitee

Musashi Sez:

Wull, todae I wuz bizzee an no jok. I playd soccr wift my mom (an she winnd, but only cuz I kept hittin the ball undr the bookcays, an gottid fowlz). Then I tooked a nap, but wift verree seeryus marchin aroun to mayk shur it wuz sayf an stuff.

Fynlee, mom caym hom, but then she started cleenin agin, lik no tomorrer! Then this cyut Russhin laydee caym an lookt at all the roomz. We think she migt stay.

But I gotta say, I iz enormusslee egzawtstid. Huh. I will probabul sleep all mornin now. Aftr, of cors, sleepin all nigt. Natchuralee.

Kleenin Up Them ArftrMaths

Musashi/Octavian Sez:

Now that our writr bunneez has had tim to lee-ay-zon wift M in Londin, we kin now updayt yu on the stayt of affayrz in sothern Frans, wher we leftid our hero (whu is kinda me) an mai frendz. But ther is lotsa tecknikul detail an I am jus now recovrin from dansin Conga to “Copacabana” fer the las 10 monfts!!! (This whut happinz wen yer writrz go off an joynz a cult. Huh.) So we’r goin to let Mom/Narraytr Gal, yu noe, narrayts.

Narrator Says:

Actually, Octavian has it backwards. In fact, on September 25, when the folks at the inn started dancing the conga line to the communal frenzied singing of the “Copacabana,” a whol dae after the dans began, our entir pool of writer bunneez hared off to join a cult of rabbit Krishnas in Nebraska, U.S., leeving our heroz, some villains and several dozen arguably innocent frentch citizens and internashunl toorists locked in a 10-monft long temperospatial claudication.

Wift som halp frum the Archaik Ordr of the Librariunz of Alekzandria, M16 wuz able to modify the memoreez of the participants and their naybrz so that they all beleevz they watchd an eg-skroshi-aytin 4-hour long “So Yu Thingk Yu Kin Dans.”

Durin the 9-hour gap between freeing the bunneez an getting to the inn down in sothern Franz, however, the Jamaykin band disapeerd mysteeryuslee. The Libraryunz ar followin up on that end whil M16 werkz on de breefin its agents an their assosiyutz.

A grayt deel of nappin is goin on sins M chewd out Octavian fer messin up a mishun that had been 9 monfts in the maykin. Mos of this nappin is goin on in a (rathr crwdid) dog hous behind a Londin apartmint rentid out near Diagon Alley. Verree lo rent.

But yu din’t heer that frum me.