Meditaytiv Innerlood

Mom Says:

The voices faded, but Agent Octavian proceeded cautiously, padding along the dark, narrow ventilation shaft.

Life, he mused, was a lot like a spy's first practice mission. After a bumpy ride (born with brothers and sisters behind a couch), and a few easy meals, you're thrown into a complex set of problems you cant understand, with tools (claws, teeth, charisma) you don't know how to use. Most people don't even know you exist. Now maybe you'll figure out the problem and maybe you won't. Either way, you can't exactly count on the SPCA to come riding over the hill to save you.

All is uncertainty, darkness and doubt. You can only reassure yourself by purring gently the reminder: "Shur is a gud thin I'm a charmin, resorsful kittee wift suprcool spy toolz."

Musashi Sez:

So aftr I girdid mai lion, I sniffd the sharpist soap smell evr. I turnd the last cornr and saw anothr grill, not neerlee as fansee as the one I kaym in bai. The spaysiz sent a greeny-yellr lyt in stryps acros mai fays. Sylintlee, I approacht the grill an lookt out.

Yu arn't goin to beleev what I saw!

Infiltrayshun Continyooz

Musashi Sez:

Aftr I herd the egsitin noiziz, I stopt compleetly an onlee lissind. And ther wer hoomin peeples’ voysiz talking. At leest 2 gyz, an it soundid lik they wer coffing up a hayrbal or 2. So I creept lik a insegt and lissend verree cayrful. An this is what I herd:

"Ach! Es gibt noch Schaum an den Schenkel. Hör auf!"

"Hab' es nicht getan. Und es ist ebenfalls deine Schuld."

"Ich...Ich sag' dem Chef Bescheid."

"Halt's Maul! Wir sind schon verspätet!"

Now I don’t speek Germin, so I had to turn on mai LingwaTron 9000K. An it showd me what they wer tryin to say, mor or les.

“Hello. Your bubbles have traveled here. Please to stop.”

“That were not my own. In addition, you are to blame, clearly.”

“I shall mention this on your performance review, you know.”

“Listen well! Our rota is not performing ‘to spec.’”

An I noe that tranzlayshun is not a egsakt art, so I figgerd ther wuz mor goin on heer than wuz meetin mai eer…

A Brillyant Infiltrayshun

Musashi Sez:

Aftr bein in the dark bag, the ventalayshun shaft didn’t seem so dark, cuz I had the little bits of lyt followin me from the hols in the grill. I romped along, slydin a little on the mettl flor, followin the sopy smell strayt an left an right an direkshuns like that.

At the innersekshunz, I stopt an sprayd likwid catnip on the shaft I wuz comin from so I cud find mai wae bak laytr. (I got this idée from reedin about Dr. Woof’s eskipaydz, but yu wudn’t want to noe the detaylz. Trus me on this.)

Anneewae, I sloed down at this poin, cuz I cud heer nu an egsitin sounds, lik:

Skrobba-skrobba! Fftt. Fftt. Skrobba-skrobba!

What cud that kinda sound meen???

The Advenchur Continyooz, in Bayrlee Aneetym

Mom Says:

Agent Alek pulled up at the side door of the Licktenshtinian bank, right where another van already sat. He pulled out the vacuum and headed toward the door, which opened for him. As he rolled the machine toward the front of the bank, the canvas bag showed not a single wiggle, as though Agent Octavian had mastered the art of stillness, but when they reached the ventilation grill in the lobby and Alek bent down to let him out, he found he had to wake him up first.

Alek said, “Eight, while I admire your nerves of steel, you might want to take this job a bit more seriously.”

Octavian yawned. “I’m plentee seeryus.” He stretched and pulled out his MicroZip Screwdriver as Alek plugged in the vacuum. At a nod from Octavian, they both turned on their tools at the same time.

Zzzzp! Zzzzp! Zzzzp! Zzzzp!

The grill fell into Octavian’s paws. With a wave to Alek, he holstered his tool and jumped into the dark tunnel. Behind him, Alek set the grill against the wall and fixed it in place with sticky pegs. He pocketed the loose screws, unplugged the vacuum, and rolled it away.

Som Teknikul Diffakulteez

Musashi Sez:

I noe all yu gyz haz ben waytin fer the nex intsallmint of mai grayt advenchurz. But we haz ben havin problimz. Somboddee stol the “S” from our keebord. I blaym Dr. Woof, the innernashunul doggee kriminul. But it ok becuz Q givd me a nu one.

I figgerd we’d get bai cuz I offen yooz the “z” instead, but let me be forward: it hard. Anneewae, our adventchur, and mor than 1, will continyu in bayrlee aneetym at all.

Operayshun No Tikkee, Part I

Mom Says:

When they returned to the hotel, Agent Octavian described his plan to Alek, and then curled up on the television for a nap while Alek made preparations. When Octavian woke just before midnight, Alek was wearing an olive green uniform and cap, and was sticking on a thin brown mustache. At his feet was a bulky black duffel bag.

“Jump in, Eight. We’re going for a ride.”

Inside the duffel, Octavian could feel himself being carried down the hall. They stopped and then the floor lurched.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, Eight. We’re in the freight elevator. I’ve got a van out back.”

When Alek finally unzipped the bag, Octavian found himself in the back of a van filled with cleaning fluids, mops and brooms. He was thoroughly dizzy.

“Nex tim, warn me, OK?”

“A thousand apologies, Eight. And there’s more coming. Get your harness on and climb into the vacuum bag.”

Octavian looked at the bright red standup vacuum with the canvas bag attached to the back. “Yu got to be kiddin, rigt?”

“’Fraid not, old man. You said I was to get you in with the night cleaning crew and this is how we’re doing it. Oh, one more thing. I have to rub ink over your white spots.”

“Yu not toutchin mai tukseedo!”

“Don’t worry, it’s temporary. But you can’t afford to show up in the dark. And don’t forget: if anyone shines a light toward you, shut your eyes or at least squint. Otherwise, your cat eyes will show up like a highway reflector.”

“Huh. If M din’t want a kittee peeple fer this job, she shud hav foun a hoomin.”

But he allowed Alek to dye his white spots and wriggled into his harness, and crawled grumbling into the vacuum bag. Alek climbed into the driver’s seat and they were off.

Operation “No Tickee” was underway…

Maykin Sneekee Planz

Mom Sez:

Back at the hotel, Alek helped Agent Octavian take off the camera collar with its garnet studs.

“Did you get much?” Alek asked.

“Yu bet. The whol plays smel lik soap. It was comin up throu the vent, so I got boft a pikchur an one of them X-rayz. I reellee lik that collr!” Octavian patted the garnets.

“Agent 8, you have to focus!”

“Sorree, Alek. From what that bankr gy sed, the monee laundrin mus be set up in the baysmint, wae down. I figgr if I kin get into the vent, I just has to follo mai noz.”

“Capital. So we simply need to figure out how to get you in the building.”

“Let’s get som noms firs. Brayn fud halp wift maykin sneekee planz.”

Musashi Sez:

Aklek drov us to the fanseepants restoront that Jimbond tol me about, Le Chat dans le Forêt. We got a plays bai the windo, so I cud sit on a cushon nex to the taybul an not hav to yooz one of thoz embarrassin baybee chayrs. Huh.

Jimbond had rekamendid the toona, but they didn’t hav anee, so I got trout, which is lik toona egsept fer it tayst all diffrint. It had cruncheez on top! Alek had theez weerd local “dumplings” that has som Germin naym I ferget.

We saw lotsa kitteez ther, incloodin som moovee starz I nevr herd of, an a big grey Perzhun whu Alek sed ownz a doggee toy empyr. (If yu can’t beet them, mayk monnee off them, I ges.)

As we wer leevin, I notissd a gy sweepin leevz out of the lobbee. Mor of them treez insyd a bildin! Veree stranj. But it givd me a brilliant ideer…