Travul Between Werlds Hardr Than It Luk

Musashi Sez:

Yah, so I bet yu gots yer bord face on, cuz yu thingks that travul between werlds is all eezee-peezee. Huh. A lot yu noe. Akshullee, it a lot mor lik wen yu sqweezez yersalf unner the ottoman so yu kin has boy tim, yu noe, wift the cheez doodulz an Batman comics, but then wen yu triez to gits out, yu is all sqweezed down to lik that cardbord stuffs. An yer mouft tayste lik them dil pikkulz. Onlee wers.

Mr. Tygr akshullee had a littul bettr tim of it cuz he doezn’t has bones.

Annewae, I hads all theez big planz fer wen we arrivd at Narnia, lik getting to noe som beevrs (whu’ll be verree impresst that Mom werk at MIT), and havin a frendlee dool wift Reepicheep.

But the weirdest thin happind. Just as we sqwozld our wae out of the clozit an thrugh the unnerbrush, we herd this verree singyoolr sound, lik a whoosh of wind and a clatterin sound. At ferst I thogt it must be som extra-larj chikkinz, but then I realized that it was commin frum far abov us.

The White Wich? But it not winter heer. An aneewae, she alreddee got kilt.

This whut we in the writin biznis calls a cliff hanger. It’s sort of like when yu wants to tayk off yer fansee coat rigt befor a big figt, but ther no place to puts the hanger except on a nearby cliff.

Yah, that nevr reellee mayd sens to me eethr.

The Ferts Meetin of the Felyn Adventchrerz Rotunda Calld to Ordr

Musashi Sez:

The mor I thingked about whut went rong wift mai orijinul planz to go to Narnia, the mor I relizd I cudn’t do it alon. I needed a innocent to tayk wift me, cuz they is alwaez bettrer at opening dorz. So naturallee, I went an akskd mai wrasslin instructr, Mr. Tygr, if he wud com too.

He wuz surpryzinlee shy about it. He sed he is a hom-boddee, akshullee, an cudn’t we just rent a video of Narnia? An mebbe mayk som popcorn in the nuklearwayv masheen?

This not whut I egspektid of him, cuz he is normlee verree feers. So I sed, “Mr. Tygr, wher yer sens of adventchur? We goin to seek out stranj werlds an go wher not too manee folks has gon befor, an be bold an split som infinitiv verbs, an like that. Yu HAS to com wift me. Whut if I gets into a wrasslin match an ye’r not ther to spray me wift the wadder bottul an tell me to win one for mai supper?”

Natchurlee, wift argyoomints lik this, I wund him ovr.

So we went to the clozit dor an taykd som deep brefts. Then I sed, “OK, Mr. Tygr. Yu hang onto mai coller and luk verree feers. I goin to tayk a runnin leep into the londree. Reddee?”

One-Two-Three! For Ceiling Cat!

Mebbe She Needs to Worsh the Darks Too

Musashi Sez:

Huh. I spended all dae tryin to finds mai wae around mai mom’z clozit, in mai brayv attemps to find Narnia, but no luk. I figgrd ther probabul somthin mor to it, liks I gots to invoke Ceeling Cat an aks fer permishun to com to Narnia, or mebbe I need som fansee majik amyoolit. I akskd Mom whut she thortid about this an she kinda freekd out.

Mom: Why yu wanna go to Narnia, Musashi? Ther are lotsa danjrus creetchrz ther.

Me: Aw, Mom, yu nevr lets me has anee fun.

Mom: But yu cud gets lostid ther an I nevr see yu agin.

Me: Aw, c’mon, Mom, tim not go the saym wae ther as heer. Yu’ll sae, “Bye, Musashi, I hasta go to werk now!” and befor yu noez it, yu’ll com hom an I’ll be lickin my pawz so I kin get them stickee photrgraf cornrz to fits into mai noo scrapbuk about mai adventchrz in Narnia.

Mom: Photrgraf cornrz?

Me: Wull, duh! Yu not expect me to go to another werld an not tayk the piktchrz! By the wae, kin I borrow yer camra?

Mom: Wull, of cors, but it kinda need subliminal thumz. 

(I think that whut she sed. She lookd kinda dayzd. That offin happin wen we has theez kinda conversashunz.)

Me: Hmm. I migt need to tayks me a Sherpa. I has to thingk about this mor…

Mor of That Blok Thin an How I Planz to Fix It

Musashi Sez:
 

So I has ben suffrin frum this wrytr blok thin now fer a cupla monfts, an it is no fun. Ther jus seem to be no storeez aneewher. Mom sez, “Whut about yer spai storeez? Or the cowboy kittee storeez? Or the storeez about yer planz fer werld dominayshun?”

Yah, thoz all sounz gud, but I jus cants git up mai enthooziazm fer them. Mom sez this tipikul of wrytrz. It kind of lik the “I gots a whol clozit full of clothz an nothin to wer” syndrum. Verree noyin.

But I doez has one ideer. It kinda desprit, but I feelin kinda desprit. See, I figgr ther ar storeez in othr playsiz, yu noe, lik in othr werlds. I has alwaes wantid to travul to Narnia, cuz I heer that Ceeling Cat liv ther, yu noe, in cogneeto. Also, ther lotsa sword figts, an that soun lik fun. Conveenyuntlee, Mom did som londree todae, so I shud be able to find the back of her clozit wift a little persistins.

An evrbodee noe that Narnia start wher the clozit end...

Mai Othr Collabraytr

Musashi Sez:
 

So it has occurrd to me that som of yu migts hav mistaked that mai nu bunnee frend wuz what mai mom call “reel.” I thingk that werd is not a gud werd fer whut we ar talkin bout heer. See, som peeples migt perzoom that jus cuz our nu frend is a bunnee, he migt has diffrunt waes of bein “reel” compayrd to yu an me.

So I is heer to tells yu that Floyd—I calls him Floyd—has nevr akshullee lived in the forist. We thingk he wuz bornd in Chynr, an caymed to us throo ships and traynz an big truks, an then a famblee wift a littul kid whu wuz orfullee cayrless. So Floyd (Yah, I noe he keep sayin, “Mai naym not Floyd!”), he cleerlee is onlee reel fer a givn value of “reel.” An Mom sez, “Huh, so lik the rest of us then?” I hayts it wen Mom get all trikee like that, speshullee wen I still gots no plot fer mai blog.

Aneewae, Happy Shaykspeer’z birftdae!

Post-Marathon an Post-Erth Dae Writr Blok

Musashi Sez: So I has ben havin the writr blok an no mistayk.
Evr time I gets up on the compyootr desk to writ,
Mom sez, “Musashi! Can’t yu see I is werkin heer?”

Which is perty big blok. But akshullee, I has tried writin wen mai mom wuzn’t around, an I has gotted no mor writin don in comparison. I is jus stukt. An this is akshullee surprizulaytin to me, cuz I reesintlee got a Plot Bunnee, whu now liv wift me an shud be halpin me mor. Mom findid him bak befor Eestr. He was lyin on the sidwok, all alon. It remindid her of me, when I wuz all lostid an alon so she bringed him hom. We has becom frends. But I keep waytin fer him to giv me halp wift mai writr blok, an mostlee he jus sit ther. 

Now, part of me sez, “Hey, thanklis bunnee, giv me halp!” But the othr part sez, “Huh, Musashi, yu hadz a whol monft to werk out yer Post-Trumatic-Lostid-Disordr. An he onlee a bunnee. Yu gotsta gives him mor time!” This whut happin wen yu hang out wift sombodee goin to ministr skool. Yu gets all pastoral an starts acktin lik a sheeps.

Huh. So aneeway, I am not promissin brillyunt plots anytime soon, cuz we has not gots them. But at leest now yu noez why. Now if onlee I cud fix this borked blogspot stuffs. Harrumph.

The AftrMafts!!!

Musashi Sez:

The lastest two weeks has ben a reel chor. In addishun to mai mom’s doin that whol theesis thin, and the Puttin the Ritz on EDS las Frydae, she has hads to do her othr jobs at playsiz. It has ben verree confuzzlin. We has ben listnen to Joolie Androoz an that noo laydee, Adel, an also som othr peeplz, whooz naymz I has fergettid. An then graydin payprz, lik that is importint. (I thingk it not, but she thingk it is.)

But, SHOWBIZ, that unholy kittee, has gottid our attenshun!!! We is thingkin about how we kin win her bak to our livin rum. Mom thingks that if she writs a myoozikul thin about the Writ Brothrz an their fayvrit laydee, Flyt, she will keep bizee enugf to be, yu noe, kinda sayn, eevn aftr gradjitayshun an stuffs in mid-May.

I thingks ther not enugf kitteez in teh storee to mayk it rivettin enugf fer anybodee to spend a hour or too on listenin to folks whu cannot fly figgr out how mebbe they migt lern to fly. Huh. I thingks this ridiklus. But I cud be rong.

We’ll jus havta see. Huh.