We Gits Cultchurd

Musashi Sez:

Wull, mai mom just caym bak from a verree fansee plays calld a Opra Hous, which had all kindsa gold on the walls an the ceiling, an also som paintings of laydeez in their nigtshirts on the ceiling too. She wuz not ther to see a opra, however, but whut she did see wuz almost as high up ther on the Cultchrul Continuumnumum. It is called ballay, but because it is Frentch, they spelz it ballet. Thos Frentch folks spelz funnee, but becuz they are way mor cultchrul then us Merikanz, we has to puts up wift it.

The Ballet she saw wuz calld The Nutcrackr. It is a verree straynj storee. See this little girl naymd Cora or Clara or Cathee or somthin is at a Christmus partee an her majik onkul gives her a soldjer doll whu can brayk nuts in his teeft. She is so impressd by this skill that she falls asleep unner this funnee tree wift ligts in it. Then a buntcha micez com and wayk her up an mayk fun of her an challinj her to a duel. But she not old enugf to duel yet, so the soldjer doll becomz reel so he kin figt fer her. A clown doll serve as his sekund. Ther a big swrd figt.

(Fer thoz of yu whu is connasoorz, the mice king yooz a simitar an the soldjer doll yoos a straigt sword. An sinse this play wuz writid in 1892, that tell yu all yu need to know about whu win that figt. Huh.)

That’s the whol egsytin part, but the play keep goin wift all these faireez an Unitid Nayshunz delegits dansin around becuz they ar so impressed wift the soldjer. This problee one of them meddafors.

I wuzn’t too impresst to heer about this, but Mom insist it verree cultchurul, an she say that them dansrz whu play all the parts are lik Olimpic athletes in how they has to work out to be strong enough to dans around and leap! an spin! an pik eetch othr up!

So I think I’m goin to try bein a Ballard fer a whil. That whut Mom say is the gy-version of a ballerina, which is the gurl-version, parentlee. The gyz not gotta wear tutuz, which I thingk is a good thin, reellee, cuz it is hard enugf to leap! ovr mai box wift just all my legz to worree about. Havin a tutu wud jus mayk evrthin mutch too diffrcult.

Mai Pertee Gud Weekend

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I had a pertee gud weekend yestrdae. Mom an me sleept in an then we gots up layt an she chased me! Verree Fast! Across the room! Then I tukt a nap in the bak room whil she eatid brekfist. Aftr that she wuz typin an I went in an draggd her awae from the kapyootr an mayd her chase me! Agen! She is aktchoolee verree fast fer such a big persin. She offin catch mai tail. Cleerlee, I needs mor praktis. I hoep to get som in whil she is on vacayshun.

We also playd wift mai noo toy. She gottid it fer me about a year ago, but I onlee just notissd it. It is a big bloo circle like one of them baygul thins wift the creem cheez, egsept this not have anee cheez. It is hollo an has a ball in it that goes around an around. It is rivittin! But it is mutch bettrer to plae wift this wen Mom is hom, cuz she halps.

See, I layz down on one side an puts one arm in on eethr side. Then I bats the yellr ball bak an forft wift mai pawz. This is ok until the ball gets stuk on the othr side wher I not can reetch, an so if Mom isn’t ther to bat it bak to me, I has to get up an go do somthin els. But if she’s ther to plae wift me, then we gets a Volly goin, and kin plae fer lik TEN WHOL MINITS!!! at a tim.

And then I gets tierd an has to climb up on mai goldee pillo on the cowtch an tayks a nap.

It is verree strenyoous livin mai lif. Huh.

Bein Distractyoolaytid wen Writin

Musashi Sez:

Peeples offin aks me how I deelz wift distrak- yoolayshun wen I ar writin. The ansr is that I doez it veree well, thx alot. Yu kin tell cuz the lastest blog I writid, I started to writ about Occuyoopai Sesame Street an I endid up writin about limbr supports an shiatsu an lik that.

Woops!

Mai frend, Pamlr, wuz telling mai mom about how she deel wift distract- yoolayshun wen she is writin. She go Online and luk fer kittee videos. This a verree yoosful kinda whut we callz in the biznis, “Constructiv Perkastinayshun.” Whil she is watchin the kittees pounsin on the doggeez or rollin downstayrz lik a slinkee, she is havin giggulz an gud positiv feelinz, an letting her brayn musselz relax. Then she kin go back to her writin.

I yooz a simlr techneek, egsept that I am the one whu has to do the pounsin—-moslee on mom, but somtimz I leeps! ovr my box an runs awae. Verree fun. I reckamend it to aneeboddee whu is lukin to perkastinayt about theyr writin wen they has ben distractyoolaytid.

Occyoopai Sesame Street Et Setera

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I wuz goin to writ about that Occyoopai Sesame Street thin, but then mai mom gottid a verree bad cold, so I am goin to writ about that instead. She keep goin, “Corf, corf, corf. Krshneezl! Honk!” This is not so mutch fun to lissen to, as it tern out. (In part cuz it soun to me mor lik the woof of a Cheewowa, that ar sillee-lookin doggeez at the bestest of timz.) Aneewae, she ar sik, an I has the responsbabilitlee of halpin her, if I can.

I offrd to mayk Tea, but parentlee that reqwir thumz. An I offrd to gets her orinj joos frum the stor, but that reqwir goin outsid wher all them big noyzee carz an truks ar, an also havin pockits fer monee, an lik that.

So moslee I has jus ben ovrseein. This meen sleepin on her ankulz, an givin her kittee shiatsu, cuz ther ar som powrful poynts on the feemr bon that kin halp wift the immyoon systim. An wen she goez to the kitchin, I follrs her ther, an wen she goes to the baftroom I follrs her ther an mayk shur she gits back to bed sayf. Aslo, I gives her kittee shiatsu on her limber supports, which ar the spynl stuffs that keeps her uprigt.

An then I naps on her nee whil she sleepin, becuz if yu has got cold, yu needs to has warm neez. Huh. Probabul that why she gottid sik in firtst plays, from havin cold nees in San Fransisko, wiftout me bein ther to keep them warm.

Som Thangksgivinz to Ceiling Cat

Musashi Sez:

Wull, mai mom FYNLEE got bak frum her big ol’ confrens in San Fransisco in Californyr, an I has to say, wull. it shur took long enugf!!!

She sez she wuz all plitikul an theolojikul an lik that, but maynlee, I’m thingkin that she tukt a vakayshun wiftout invytin me along. Shur, she SED that the Hilton Hotel didn’t hav littr boxiz in their roomz, an that they gets verree antsee if yu aksks them about their a-komo-day-shunz fer Non-Hoomin-Peeplez.

But I thingks mebbe she wuz jus tryin to get out of depooperaytin MAI littr box. Huh. An whut kinda mom is that, I asks yu?

Harrumph.

But she did com bak. An the firstist thin she don wuz to cleen up mai waddr fountin so I cud dringk frum it properlee. The secondist thin wuz she depooperayted my pooperatyr. So mebbee I wuz wrong. Mebbee this whol content an contakt thin, which mai granpa talk about, has gots som legs unner it

Mebbee.

An the thridst thin she did wuz to nap wift me fer, lik, three or for whol hourz. So, yu noe, mebbe she the mom-typ-person whu I has ben egspektin her to be.

Egsept she not ovr-feedin me AT ALL. She hasn’t wuns sed in the last 7 or 8 hourz how she kin see mai ribz frum ther.

So I jus dunno…

Report frum Calrfornya

Musashi Sez:

So this past weekend, mai mom wuz in Calrfornya at this meetin wift 10,000 hoomin peeplez at it whu talks about relijunz. I asksd her how much is that an she sed, “Lots. Lik, one, two, Many, LOTS,” so we just goin to tayk her werd fer it.

I askd her whut they wuz sayin about Ceiling Cat ther, an she gottid all shiftee, if yu wants mai opinyun (which yu cleerlee do cuz yu’r reedin mai blog).

“Wull,” she sed, “I didn’t get to go to anee of the talks about Relijun an Aminulz… See, I hadsta werk Thersdae, so I hadsta travul on Fridae, wen they wuz havin a few of them. An then this Occyupai march caym up an I hadsta go to that, cuz it wuz Histree, an how offin doez yu gets to do that?”

An of cors, I not has a ansr fer that one. But I asksd, “Wull, but aftr that ther musta ben somthin, rigt?”

“Wull, I had intended to go to one about ‘Thinkin Aminulz an Relijun, Rethinkin Ethiks,’ but then theez faymus theolojunz, Joerg Rieger and Rita Brock—yu rememembrer sleepin on their books—“

“Huh,” I sez. “Yus, I remembrer.”

“Wull, they wer doin a talk on the Occyupai stuffs, an aftr the march—Hey, did I tell yu that Rita Brock lendid me her umbrellr?”

“No, but I wundred why yu left me it, sins I not evr go out egsept to see that vet person in Jooly.”

“I fergots it. Aneewae, they wer talkin about how mebbe we cud Occyupai the Univertsitee, an that the kinda conversayshun I not egspektid to hav heer, so I wentid to that insted.”

“Huh. I spoz,” sed I, but moslee cuz mom reellee noe how to speek my langwudj. “Still,” I aksd, “whut they sayin about Ceiling Cat? I noe ther lotsa innerfayth dialogz, so I figgrd ther wud be lotsa kittee peeplez ther givin talks.”

“Wull, ther a langwudj difficultee, yu noe. Lotsa theolojunz speeks Germin and Frentch an Greek, and I herd som speeking Japaneez an Chineez, but I’m pertee rayr bein somboddee whu flooent in LOLcat.”

“That predjudis.”

“Wull, kinda. But they sez heer that the academee moov reellee slow.”

“They turtulz?”

“Not egzaktlee. Altho ther ar rezemblez heer an ther. But maynlee it seem not so eezee to sugjest a noo groop fer studee, lik, sae, Innerspeesheez Conversayshunz, or Ceiling Cat in Poplr Relijus Imajinayshun.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah. That whut I thogt.”

An of cors, it onlee mai mom’s ferst yeer goin to this thin, so ther no wae all them big toms is goin to listen to her even if she caterwaul about it, so I gess I’m jus goin to has to wayt.

But, huh. So mutch fer divertsitee.

Sayvin Evrboddee, But How? An Whu?

Musashi Sez:

Mai mom is reedin buks on evolooshun on that Jeezus fellr whu sposta be Ceiling Cat’s son, com to sayv the werld. Huh. Not likelee. No wae a hoomin cud sayv aminalz, not wift all the nastee stuff hoomins do to aminal peoples. (Altho not mai mom. She jenrullee pertee gud.)

Them othr hoominz nevr considerayt that us aminal peeples gots our own sayvyorz. The sqwirrl peeples got theirz, whu com lotsa hundrids of yeers ago, befor the hoomins cuttid down the treez fer them stoopid farmz an factreez. The cowz gotst one, probabul in Indyer, cuz eevn the hoominz respekt cowz in Indyer.

Problee eevin the Hoya! has one, but I not speek Plant flooentlee, so I cant ask mai littul brothr, Ernie, the Hoya! Bert got moovd to mai mom’s desk at MIT, cuz I wuz yoozin him fer dentul floss. (Tern out, he wuzn’t aspragrus-flayvrd aftr all.) Mom sez he ar adjustin nyslee to livin wiftout eethr direct sunligt or, as it happun, kittee peeples lik me. But this wuz a cleer lessn on how jus cuz somboddee is a diffrint speesheez doeznt meen he or she or whatevr aint got som rigts. Huh.

An of cors, us kitteez got Happy Cat, an of cors he is sayvin us in lif aftr lif, cuz we does gets in trubbul reglar, but it not lik ther anee point talking him up to membrz of othr speesheez, or whut Mom call “proseltyzin.” I cud talk till I’m pink in the fays lik mom, but that isn’t goin to get mai bruthr Ernie a Tenfth Lif. Huh.

But fer them them OTHR hoominz to jus ASSOOM that jus cuz we don’t talks abowt our sayvyorz to THEM we isn’t got them is jus insultin.

Mom Says:

Hmm. But we have been waiting about 2000 years for Jesus to come back like he said he would. What if he’s spent all that time becoming squirrels and hoyas and cats and like that, to save all those species one at a time? That would take lots and lots of time…

Musashi Sez:

You is being anthraxpolcentrix agen. Huh. Yu thingks that jus cuz yu folk has thumbs that moov conveenyentlee, that mayk yu Mastrz of the Yooneevers. Huh. Not likelee.

Mom Says:

You mean anthropocentric, and yes, but I am working very hard at becoming, um, biocentric? geocentric? biogeocentric? Words are hard!

Musashi Sez:

You gotst that rigt!