Mai Noo Kareer Planz, Dspyt Mom

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I noe that mai mom is ternin into a bleedin-hart librul pasifst dweeb, her praktis of kungfu notwifstandin, but I has desydid aneewae to becom a Warrieer Kittee wen I growz up. This becuz I fyndid theez reelee cool piktchrz of kittee wariooor armr on the Innrwebz.

Seemz lik, bak wen hoomin peeplez wer figtin wift sordz, they hads halp frum their kittee companyunz, whu of cors yoozd their clawrz, but needed a littul proteckshun in addishun to that.

Cuz, yu noe, amreez ar danjrus playsiz to go. Huh.

I cud be samrai, lik in Japan, or I cud be somthin “diffruntlee glamruss.” See, I lernin plitikul crektness (which I think has to do wift dill pikkulz swimming in cricks wiftout innerfeerins. Still not 1000% shur...)

Bizee, Bizee, Bizzee

Musashi Sez:

Wull, this wuz goin to be a blog about how ridiklus bizzee mai mom is, but then we hadsd a copy/paste aksident wift the werd CUT ignominioususlee prezint wher we NOT wantid it.

Yu all missd a grayt blog. It menshund that moovee about taht king fellr whu cudn't meow propr, an also mai mom'z oppertoonitee to sing backup fer a old frend whu wus recording psalms an othr songz about Ceiling Cat.

*Sigh*

Yu don't now whut yu misst.

An I dint eevn get to tell yu bout all the books I'm sleepin on to halp wift mai mom'z litratchoor rivyoo fer nex yeer.

I gess yu'll jus hafta wait...

Akseptin Kissus Grayshuslee, Wen Yu Absloot Has To

Musashi Sez:

Wull, OK, doorin this Aminul Companyun extendid-holrdae, there wer bellee rubz, cuz I bleev in doin whut I can fer mai persnul aminul companyun, whu yu gyz all noe as Mom or Momsu. Whut I fergettid about (but unforchoonitlee, she dint) wuz bellee kissiz.

Brraaaggh aaaagh aaagh brrraaaagh.

Huh.

It not that I not enjoy a gud bellee rub now an then, lik, wuns a dae, fer instins, wen mai mom FYNLEE comz hom aftr havin ben awae fer owrz an owrz an OWRZ. It jus that wift hoominz lik mai mom, a bellee rub kin tern into a bellee kiss. *Sigh*

An I wuz bein SO GUD todae. I let mai mom hold me in the rockee chayr fer ten (10) whol minits!!! This a rekerd fer us.

But them bellee kissiz is jus embarrassin. The bestest I kin sae is that she nevr do it wen sombuddee els aroun to git the saym ideer. Othrwiz, bein as unbarablee cyoot as I is, I’d nevr get tim to mai self.

Also, it kinda tikkul.

Huh.

Lov Yer Pet Dae

Musashi Sez:

Our bathroom kalndr, the one I has to jump up on the toylit to see, sez that todae is “Lov Yer Pet Dae.” Now, altho I perfer the term “aminal companyun” still they gots a point.
Yu shud go giv yer aminal companyun a bellee rub or mebbe sevun. An sins tomorro is a holrdae, yu kin do som mor of this then too.

But yu NOT gotsta tell him or her how owtrayjiouslee cyoot their toez ar. Trust me: they alreddee noez. Huh.

I (Musashi) is NOT a Bug, Big or Littul. Huh!

Musashi Sez:

Huh. Mai mom offin comz hom an sez, “MooSAshi! How’z mai littul bug?” an I has to remynd her that I am not a bug. I ar a kittee. We ar verree diffrunt, cuz I has fewer legz than bugs has. Also, I not has antennae; I has whiskrz. Also, I am 13 pounds big, so I am not partiklarlee littul, akshullee.

But does she lissin? Hard to sae.

She tell me that she had a weerd, long, compulkaytid dreem, aftr which she figgrd out whut she bleev to be the 2 main troofts about hoomin peeplz.

1. Hoomins do the saym thing ovr an ovr agen, so wen they (rayrlee) chaynj their waez, it is worthee of attenshun.
2. An hoomins kin chaynj pertee radiklee when they wants to.

Wift theez 2 ideerz, we kin unnerstan why hoomin peeples do the stoopid stuff they do.

Whups!

Musashi Sez:

I fergettid to inclood the cartoon of me channelin mai mom. Heer it is. Yu kin tell how gud that Patrik McDonnell is by how gud he got me (egsept mai noz not so big) and how brillyuntlee he got the mai-mom-bein-sik part.

Whut a brillyunt artist!!!

Happee Valentynz Dae!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, we has ben bizee laytlee an no mistayk! Mom is onlee finlee getting not-sik. Up til resentlee, she wuz soundin like this cartoon, if you kin imajinayt me channelin her. Whut’s eevn mor surpryzin is that, becuz of “sindicayt” roolz, this cartoon caym out 2 whol weeks ago, which is wen mai mom wuz akshul sik!!! Amazin.

Meenwhil, I ternd 3 yeerz old an din’t eevn notis, cuz me an mom wer so egsytid about the noo rug that our rommayt bougted. So on the downsid, noboddee singin to me, but on the upsid, noboddee tryin to mayk me dans. So I figgr I caymd out eevn. An now todae is Valentynz Dae, aftr that fellr whu givd folks gold if they wuz por. An mom sez we cud give eetch othr gud Valentynz prezints tonight, if wen I sleeps on her knee she don’t snor an I don’t “try to tayk up the egzakt middul of the bed, wher I happin to be sleepin, huh.” Her werds, not myn.

We wishiz yu fuzzee hugs an enugf room to sleeps.

PS: The akshul photograpf is an akshul phot of ME, Musashi. Yu kin pertend I signd it fer yu.

Mai Mom Bizzee Bein Brillyunt

Musashi Sez:

I wuz asksin mai mom about how the eeekonomomeee is down laytlee, but she gots talkin about Neo-libralizm an the dee-velpmental model versus them othr modelz I can't mayk out, cuz I gots lostid. Aneewae, she sez that the stuff that is confuzzlin fer most folks, is the numbrz part, which she rekkamend agenst, egsept fer byin mai fud an littr, an fer the rest we kin figgr out a bettr wae eeventchuallee, altho gettin fed between now and ther is goin to be problematikul.

In anee cays, she is mor fokussin on this "krstol-o-jee" stuff which is about lookin at Happee Cat, the son of Ceiling Cat, an figgerin out how/why a kittee wud bothr to be sayvin hoomin peeples.

Parentlee, hoominz lik this gy, Karl Bart, an theez othr gyz, Somboddee Pannenberger an Karl Rynr and lik that--they all fought on som fens somwherz to com up wift the song that they all wud agree to sing togethr, onlee it didn't werk.

A Noo Rugg!

Musashi Sez:

Sorry for mai not writin yestrdae. Mai teem losted the big futball gaym and I hadsd a sad. But todae I has a happee, cuz we got a noo rug! Our old rug gotst dirtee wen the toilet had the dire-rear all ovr it. They tried to cleen it but it was too dire.

Our noo rug is a pertee colr: spring green. It is a “vishool remyndr” that spring is not so verree far awae aftr all. The pictchr is not so accyoorit, cuz the rug is big an long an sqwayr an the hansom kittee on the rug shud be blak. But it giv yu a ideer of our noo rug (an me, the hansom kittee in qwestshun).

The Big Gaym

Musashi Sez:

So tonigt ther was this big ol futball gaym, between the Pittsberg Shtellrz (that how yu say it) an som othr teem. Natcherlee, I is voting fer Pittsbirg, cuz mai Onkul MeToo is from ther. Also ther is ads on this gaym. Perzoomabul this becuz futball mayk hoomin peeples want to buy stuff. An we not eevn talkin innerestin stuff, lik catnip mousseez an pie. We’r talkin about stoopid stuff lik beer an tyrz an soder pop.

So yu kin sayflee ignor this gaym.

Mai Mom: Part-tim Snow Panthr

Musashi Sez:

So mai Granpa sez that he kan’t remembember a wintr that hads this mutch sno, an he is reellee old, lik 10!!! Mai mom jus got some claws that she cud attatch to her boots, so she has betterer “trak-shun.”*

She can’t retrakt them (so she can’t go into mos restorants lik a sivilizd kittee cud), but on the othr paw, they are mayd of STEEL! So I figgr, she is braykin eevn, cuz maynlee she kin walk on theez slippree sidwoks wiftout fallin down, an we NOT want her to falls down. (Unless we trips her ourself, an problee not eevn then. Cuz we kinda lovs her, speshullee sins she went an got us that cruntchee fud that not has all the fillrs that jus leevs us hungree agen. Huh.)

So Mom is lik a Joonyer Ninjr Kittee!

*OK. I admit this mayk no sens. Cuz the whol problim she has is that the TRAK she is tryin to wok on is SHUNNIN her bootz. So yu’d thingk that speshul attatchibul clawz wud akshullee be calld, sae, TRAK-ATTAK or somthin lik that. But hoominz rayrlee mayk that mutch sens.