A Pupu Platter Is Not Akshully What Yu Think

Musashi Sez:

So I has been hanging out wift Captain Crunch on some Polynesian Islands in Mom’s closet this week, an we has had lots of fun. We looked fer buried treasure, but all we found was innerestin smelling socks, most of which didn’t eevn match. So the captain told me stories about Tiki gods, whu are these little wooden guys wift big heads an little feets. Parently, they live on all these islands in the Seven Seas an so when they wants to visit each other they hops into a little boat an float over to their neighbor’s house on another little island. An since they mostly spends time in the boats an not walkin, their legs is small from not usin them like I does, fer jumpin on tables an like that.

 

Also they wear bright shirts wift flowrs. Mom gots a blue one. We’re tryin to find a pertee pink one in my size, but it seem like them Hawaiaain shirt websites discriminate against kitteez, which is perty dumb since tiki is just kittee inside out. Yu’d think they’d have lots of customers if they were smarter.

Oh yeah! An also they wear these perty necklaces made out of akshul flowers! An drink out of akshul coconuts! An they eets lots of pinapples, which if yu see a picture of one, yu wud think it was a made-up fruit, but parently, it akshullee exists. An that’s why they call it Polynesia, cuz “poly” is Greek for “lots” and “nesia” is Greek for “weird stuff.”

A Tropikul Vacation from Piratin

Musashi Sez:

Captain Crunch an me has becomed gud friends sinse the Fourth of July when we tuk tim off from figting to hide from all them fireworks explosions which were verree distractin an scary. Aftr we finished the 6-pack of root beers, he taught me a pirate song (he called it a sea-chantey), that went lik this:

O! The pirate’s life is very fine!

The gold that once was yours is mine!

Yo ho ho an a bottul of rum!

The pirate’s life is a lot of fun!

There was more stanzrs, but I fergetted them. An after each stanza we dance around and then fall down giggling, which I was akshully verree gud at, hnrf, hnrf, hnrf. I has a killer giggle.

So after all that hornpipin an giggling, me an Captain Crunch has decided to call off that whol figtin to the death thing that were planning on doin. Turns out this dancing stuffs is much more fun. Huh.

Our Cease-Fire fer Sword-Figtin

Musashi Sez:

Well, me an Captain Crunch were all “Have atchu!” an clacketty-clack an like that, but then Mom came home an reported that they had been putting the scary barge in the Charles River to prepare fer the Fourth of July Indpendence Day celrbrations. An that is nevr gud nooz to me! Like most of us 4-feeted folks, I finds LOUD POPPING AND BANGING NOIZEZ MOST DISCONCERTING!

So I talked to Mr. Crunch an he agreed we shud has whut the army folks call a “cease-fire” although I not noe what they call it if yu is using swords. But we hads that while mom went out to a barbecue.
 
She leftid root beers in the fridge fer us an we got quite merry. All that fizzy stuff in yer nose? Huh. Yu never eevn notis the annoyin LOUD NOIZES at all.

Figtin the Lastest Pirate!

Musashi Sez:

So we has been figtin evree day. Finally, there came the lastest pirate. He was smaller than the others an his coat was blue instead of red, so I figgered that he must be the captain. He had a sword just egzactkee lik mine.

I asksed him, “What’s yer naym, fierce pirate?”

“Ha ha!” he laugfed. “Crunch!

"Crunch?" sez I. "What kinda naym is that?"

“It’s mai naym, yu land-lover!”

“Whu yu callin a land-lover? I am Captain Musashi, an I am just as salty as the next sailor.”

“Musashi?” he sneered. “Whut kinda naym is that?”

“Ha ha!” I laugfed. “It the naym of Japan’s greatest swordsman! Have at yu!”

Then came the big swordfigt.

Me: Clack! Clatter! Ha ha!

Him: Clatter! Clack! Ho ho!

Me: Clacketty clacketty! Ha!

Him: : Clicketty clicketty! Ho!

So threre we was, balancing on the big crossbar at the top of the mast, smacking our wooden swords against each other. Then wift another “oh ho!” he swept his sword low at mai knees.

Back in the Closet Again

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I has to admit to having gotten distractulaytid. See, Mom came home on Saturday aftr her big ol’ partee, an I had to com out of the closet to eat mai supper an take a nap an play wift the red dot an go to bed. An then Sunday was mai day of rest. I takes this verree seriously, sometimes havin three or four days of rest every week.

But then Monday was like ninety-thousand degrees an Mom wudn’t let me play in Katia’s room because it faces the hot part of the planet, but she lettid me play in her closet again, wher it is cooler, an also, of course, there are those fun socks.

Before I left, I asksed her, “Kin I play wift yer tai chi sword?”

An she sed, “Why wud yu want to do that?”

An I sed, “Um. Well, see, I has been thinking about takin up the tai chi. Um. Cuz I jumps up an down a lot an I think mai chi energy has gotten all jumbled, an I figgers, doin tai chi will unjumblify it.”

An she sed, “Huh. Wull, that make sense.”

We Now Return You To Our Pirate Story

There I was on mai laundry basket ship on the Specific Ocean, when there came a pirate ship. I picked up the sword to defend us.

First came this big guy in a red jacket. He puttid one big booted foot on the edge of the basket, and I hit him—WHACK!—RIT ON HIS KNEE, AND HE WENT RIGT OVER—splash!

Then came a smaller guy (although he was wearing similar clothes, so I figgered it was a uneeform or something). He grabbed the edge of the basket with a hand on a funnee-lookin hook thing. I took the sword an I hit boft his elbows—SMACK! SMACK!—jus like that. He howled! An then I poked him—POKE!—rigt in the tummy. An he fell into the Specific Ocean rigt next to the big guy.

SPLASH!

“Hey,” yelled the big guy. “I’m tryin to swim here!”

“Gud!” says I, “Because it looks lik yer frend needs some halp.”

Pirates vs. BBQ: Which Wud Yu Choose?

Musashi Sez:

Well, on Saturday, Mom went to a Solstice barbecue party, cuz Cousin Rachel invited her. I got to play in her closet while she was gone. That may not sound like much fun to yu, but Mom’s closet has got pirates!

So ther I was, sailin across the Specific Ocean, la la la, an then I saw it: the skull an crossbones flag comin rigt at us (wift a ship attached, of course). I looked around to see what they were after. We not has gold an we not has amenit amyoohish bullets, so what were they lookin fer? Then I let mai nose do the walking!

Ha! We has got som veree innerstin smellin socks! (This is what happens when you go sailin off in the laundry basket.) Wull, I wasn’t goin to let them pirates get the booty! If they wanted them socks, they was goin to have to figt fer them.

Luckily, Mom’s closet is well stocked. She not onlee gots socks, she also got a marshul art sword! (But it has not the livelee blade. It just wood. I think this is cuz them Chinese folks not like hurtin each other.)

Just as them pirates were throwing their grappling hooks onto the side of the laundry basket, I picked up the sword, an I nearly tipped rigt over, on account of how it was biggerer than me and I not has thos opposable thumz.

Summer Soulstice

Musashi Sez:

So Mom sez tomorrer is when the day an nigt are the same length, an that this is called the soulstice, probabul because all our soulz get fixed, kinda like how they fixes time in Grenitch, England, or how they decides how much a pound is.

This is uzhoolee the time when Mom pick me up an we dance in a circle, singin, “It ar the soulstice! Hoorah hooray! It ar the soulstice! Mayke it all stay!” An although it never akshullee stay, still it kinda linger, so the days stay kinda long, an there is that  pertee yeller light in the livin room, so Mom gets more writin done.

Mos recentlee, she has been writing about writing, which she refer to as “meta,” which apparently is Greek fer “being about the aboutness.” That all sound like whut she has at othr timz called “circular reeezonin,” which is when snaykes eat their own heads or ideers lik that.

So naturallee, I sez, “Circularilitee? Tricycles do that! An also they helps yu looz weight, just lik yu wud do on a dye-it!

(An tho I admit I got this lastest ideer from mai frend Pamlr, I still think it gots feets. Or possibul wheelz. Huh.)