Wull, I has to admit to having gotten distractulaytid. See, Mom came home on Saturday aftr her big ol’ partee, an I had to com out of the closet to eat mai supper an take a nap an play wift the red dot an go to bed. An then Sunday was mai day of rest. I takes this verree seriously, sometimes havin three or four days of rest every week.
But then Monday was like ninety-thousand degrees an Mom wudn’t let me play in Katia’s room because it faces the hot part of the planet, but she lettid me play in her closet again, wher it is cooler, an also, of course, there are those fun socks.
Before I left, I asksed her, “Kin I play wift yer tai chi sword?”
An she sed, “Why wud yu want to do that?”
An I sed, “Um. Well, see, I has been thinking about takin up the tai chi. Um. Cuz I jumps up an down a lot an I think mai chi energy has gotten all jumbled, an I figgers, doin tai chi will unjumblify it.”
An she sed, “Huh. Wull, that make sense.”
We Now Return You To Our Pirate Story
There I was on mai laundry basket ship on the Specific Ocean, when there came a pirate ship. I picked up the sword to defend us.
First came this big guy in a red jacket. He puttid one big booted foot on the edge of the basket, and I hit him—WHACK!—RIT ON HIS KNEE, AND HE WENT RIGT OVER—splash!
Then came a smaller guy (although he was wearing similar clothes, so I figgered it was a uneeform or something). He grabbed the edge of the basket with a hand on a funnee-lookin hook thing. I took the sword an I hit boft his elbows—SMACK! SMACK!—jus like that. He howled! An then I poked him—POKE!—rigt in the tummy. An he fell into the Specific Ocean rigt next to the big guy.
“Hey,” yelled the big guy. “I’m tryin to swim here!”
“Gud!” says I, “Because it looks lik yer frend needs some halp.”