The Sekind Excayp

Musashi Sez:

TEXT to MOMSU: “Wull, this hav ben a verree straynj cupla daez. First, on Toozdae, Mildird an Henree gots awae in a offirs chayr. Then Iodyn gotst caugt. Then Roofus started a Ordr of Holee Suburbin Rabbitst an Tygrz, an they challinjd the Hare Krshnaz to a dool. An that reellee dint go well fer anneebodee, altho ther wuz som fun watchin the lansiz shin in the sun.”

Akshul MUSashI messijin: Oboy, this hollociptr thin is maykin me feel lik barfin mai hairballz on somboddee’z feets. We has ben scirklin roun abov the Hare Krshnr’s compound fer lik all dae, an I is soopr dizzee. Ther wer another braykout arroun noon. I gess the fud isn’t too gud.

Meanwhil, we has called in the Nooz Corp, but they has ben verree bizzee wift a flood. That okay. We kin wayt a dae or too.

The Firsts Excayp

Musashi Sez:

Wull, collr me blond! Heer I iz, lernin about mai altr eego, Octayvian’z, werld. An it tern out to be daynjerus an skayree an verree classee, whitch not mayk mutch sens to me.

But, as they sez in the buks, I had bettr go bak.

Mom an me hadz ben getting theez straynj poscards frum, we thinkd, bunneez in trubbul. So we sent a messij to our frendz in Inglund, whu is so gud at the straynj stuffs. An we getst bak a messij that I—me—Musashi!— had to perpayr fer HelloCoptr fligt—an mai Mom hadsd to do resertch an develipmint an lik that. All this wuz pertee skaree fer us boft, cuz we onlee do the duo thin, wift eetch othr, not wift spaiz an them.

An meanwhil, durin this skaree tim, we gets yet a nuthr poscard, whut sez:

HOP! Mildird an Henree gots out on a delux chayr-thin, wift weelz. Iodyn gotst caugt an we is reddee to riot to gets her owt. We neeeedz 8. We gastaaa--

Doin the Teknoledjee Thin

Musashi Sez:

Wull, so we has Sekyoori-Textid® Ayjint 8 an his Boss, M. They has not gottid bak to us yet. We thinks that eethr 1) they is bizzee getting 8 out from his trubbul, 2) they is havin lots of them chikkintaylz wift the littul umbrellrz in them at formul settins, or possibul 3) they has not ben chekkin their emaylz laytlee.

So. Now me an mom, an also Mistr Tygr, my wrastlin cotch, an Octo-Moussee, an lik that, has got to simplee sayv the Bunnee Writrz ourselves.

Huh.

A Nuthr Nominous Poscard!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I gettid a nuthr straynj nominous poscard todae. The writin wuz tinee, so it wuz hard to reed, but this whut it sed:

Reelleee needz 8. This flowr thin gettin old. If I nevr sees eppley agen it wae too soon. Bugzy mayd brayk yestrdae an he got caugtid. Neezdz owtsid halp. Also, orinj ain’t mai colr. Bring carrits an mebbee holecoptr. Ktxbai.

I has to sae I’z stumpt. But I’m thinking bout this 8 thin. I’m wondrin if theez folx think I’m Octavian, my altr eego, the spy kittee whu nobuddee has ben herein frum fer lik monfts an monfts. This may be tim fer me an Mom to call that M laydee whut 8 yoosto speek so highlee of. Yus.

An also we ar gonna need som seeryus theeem myoozik

Fathrz Dae an Tiez

Musashi Sez:

Wull, it turn out that yestrdae wuz Fathrz Dae, an I not noez it until I heerz mai mom on the phon wift mai granpa. I not has a fathr, so I iz dedikaytin this blog to mai granpa, cuz he iz whut yu wud call one of mai mayl roll modulz. This meen I lern stuff from him lik spellin an bein personobbul.

I also has lernd from him that bizniss is verree trikee, an I shud problee stik to the arts an sho bizniss an lik that. Espeshlee cuz I wud look pertee stoopid in one of them nektiz.

I mutch mor a whit tie an cucumberbund kinda gy.

All That Julee Myoozik

Musashi Sez:

So theez past fyoo daez, mai mom haz ben singin funnee myoozik, wift leeriks lik, “Shal 2 nigts nevr tilt fer me, an let their blud be spilt fer me: O wher ar a maydinz simpl joyz?”

This, I has to sae, confuzzlz me. How kin a nigt has blud to split? An I has herd of this mideevil tilting an jousting typ stuff, but whut that got to do wift dae an nigt?

An why she worreein about this now? I meen, itz Joon, fer cryin out lowd. Whut is it about the treez flowrin and the bugz buggin an lik that which seem to eelissit sutch a straynj re-akshun frum her?

She SEZ that it is about this “Unleeshin Our Voysiz” class that she is taykin. That she has ben lik a doggee, barkin wift a verree low voys indeedy, fer, lik, evr. An hoomin gyz ar not gud at tranzlaytin that into “I iz a verree lovlee laydee, harrumph.” An also, she sez, singing only 1 octave at a tim is a reel drag.

Wull, I not totallee get the whol gy thing, cuz altho I iz a gy, that whol hoomin cultchur thing is a BIG MISTREE. But I doz get that, yu noe, wen yu is on the bak fens, singin yer hart out, it is verree nys if a fyoo peeplez unnerstan, an mebbe sheds a teer or joinz in wift the singin.

An I suspex that ther iz lotsa kitteez whu needs their voysiz to be unleeshd, or at leest temporirarilee uncollared. An mai Mom I is jus egzaktlee the kinda person whu, whethr yu iz hoomin or non-hoomin, she don’t cayr, cuz she jus wanna heer yer voys. It don’t matter whether yu identify wift peeplz whu moslee showz their skin or moslee showz their furr: she sez, whut if yer God hadz the furr? Whut if yer God luk egzaktlee lik yu?

AND (this the hard part)

Whut if yer God lookt lik yer predator?

A Nominous Poskard

Musashi Sez:

Wull todae I gottid a nominous poskard frum Nabraksa, which is somplays in Merika. It wuz writid in crayon so whuevr cudnt writ mutch. It sed, “Wer braykin out. Cud yooz halp. Send 8 an say sorree.”

Send 8 whut? Cupcayks? Swiss Armee Nivz? An send them wher?

Iz verree misteeryus…