Musashi Sez:
Som of yu reedr peeples ben complaynin about mai spellin again, so I figgerd I wud writ yu a verree stiff not. Mom sez I cud call it an “apollojetik” cuz I am speekin in defens of mai pozishun. She sez thoz old Greek gyz inventid the ideer, so I spoz it’s based on that god-fellr, Apollo, whu was prettee gud at talkin an singin. But is sillee. Apollojee is wen yu haz to say “sorree.” An I am not sorree about mai spellin.
1 of mom’s frends sez mai spellin is awful, an I has desydid to beleev she reellee meens awsom, like inspirin “Awww!” from peeples cuz they’r so impressd. Mai granma keeps sayin that I shud “praktis mai spellin,” but is sillee, cuz I am praktissin all the tim! She sez, “Whut ar peeples goin to thingk? Yer mom is a Inglish teetchr an she spozd to check yer spellin. An it luk lik this?” (I’m whut mom callz parafrazin heer, OK?)
See writin tayks lotsa tim. That’s why somtimz I don’t publish mai blog everdae. Cuz somtim mom is too bizee graydin her students payprs to tayk the tim we need to argyoo ovr ever wurd. Lik this:
Mom: How manee tim I tell yu? “Might” got an H in it.
Musashi: How yu noe? All yu heers is the M, I, an T. I jus throws in the G cuz yu lik it an it look lik a kittee tail.
Mom: Yu don’t beleev in dikshunareez, do yu?
Musashi: Cors not. Somtim nex yeer I’m goin to writ mai own dikshunaree. Yu kin hav yers, an I’m havin myn.
Mom: Well, kin yu at leest be consistent an spell the saym wurd the saym wae all the tim?
Musashi: I spell it how I feel it at the tim. Som wurds mayk me feel happier on Toozdaes than they do on Windzdaes.
Mom: OK. Fergit the apollojetik. What yu ar writin is, ahem, “An Epistemological Study of Empathetic Orthographical Reform (Feline Dialect).”
Musashi: Wow. I had no ideer I was so smarteepants…
Now we do this fer evree wurd. So yu'r all jus luckee we evr finish theez blogs at all.
