Tuesday, May 13, 2014

More Things I’m Not Goin to Do

Musashi Sez:

I've been mulling mai career opshuns again and I got a few more things I kin rool out.

• Perfeshunnul Soccer Player  (Mom sez Pele does not have to worry about me stealin his job. I not has the heart to tell her that even though he was a hotshot when she was just a kitten in the 1970s, he retired about elebenty-hunderd years ago.)

• TV Critic (While I agrees in a general sense that telebision is a under-appershiayted medium, I finds that, in the pertickyooler, I falls asleep even throo the egsploshunz.)

• Ice Cream Farmer (I have been reading that cows not like to be milked by kittees, an sometim they steps on them “by accident.”)

• Calender Maker (You has to be able to count up to 31 at least, an maybe even more during a leap year. An all the numbers has to go in the same order every time!)

• Guard of the Unknown Soldjer (I can’t stay awake fer hours at a time, an whu want to just pace back an forth all day anyway?)

• Newspaper Printerer (I seen piktchers of them big ol machines an I bet it wud be way too easy to get mai tail caugted in them.)

I am very seriously consideraytin the job of Zamboni Driver, however, on account of my havin lots of fur to keep me warm in them cold rink places. Can yu imajin me goin to a cocktail party? Then, when they asksed me what I do fer a livin, I cud say modestly, “I are a Zamboni Driver!”

I wud get all the gurls!!!


PJS said...

I thought a zamboni was one of those dough things filled with meat and cheese. ;)

Susan Spilecki said...

This is a verrree commin misconsecption.
Akshulee, a zambooni is a spehul masbeen than hup bros st offs llli,e tras nd