Nappin is Reqwyrd! Huh.

Musashi Sez:

OK! So I ben reedin (or, akshul, sleepin on) the saym books that mai mom is reedin fer skool. An this fall, that meen the Old Baibul that Mom an our frends (that be moslee our frens whu beleevs in bein Joowish or Crischun) spend tim reedin, so they kin figgr out whut Ceiling Cat is egspektin them to do wift their lyvs.

I wuz hopin I cud avoid the bit about hoomin peeples bein created, but no such luck. So heer it is, the Revyzed (by Mom) Standard (by hundreds of othr translaytrz) Lolcat Version, or the RSLV of the end of that storee I wuz tellin yu about befor. (An if yu wants to reed the whol thin, yu kin chek it out at http://www.lolcatbible.com. But I’m warnin yu, is reellee long. Reeeellee looooong. An that also wer pikchurs com from.)

Genesis 1:26-2:1-3 Ceiling Cat iz waching yu...

26 An Ceiling Cat sed, letz us do peeples like u, becuz we iz teh qte, an let men pOwnzOr becuz tehy has can openrz.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeples taht wuz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, men an women wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed, O hai maek bebehs kthx, an pOwn teh waterz, no waterz an teh firmmint, an evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sed, Beholdt, the Urths, I has it, an I has not eated it. 30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, an teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. Kthxbai.

1 An teh skyz an teh Urths wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem, an Ceiling Cat was liek al tired an stuf. 2 An on teh 7f day Ceiling Cat got dun makingks al dat stuf; an he restd on teh 7f day cuz he wuz poopd frum al dat werkin, an not liek havng himself alone. An he not get payd ovrtym eethr.

3 Ceiling Cat blessd teh 7f day, an sed itz teh hOliezOrz; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk wich Ceiling Cat creatd an maed. Yay holy Caturday!

Mom Translates:

The words “pOwnzOr” and “pOwn” are like “pounce” and “power” and some other words that people who write in TextSpeak like to write. It is apparently important that you write them with zeroes. Don’t ask me why.

Musashi Sez:

Now hoomin peeples probabul thingk that the reellee importint bit is the bit wher hoomins get all creaytid. But that’s jus extra. The troolee importint bit is the nappin. Cuz wen yu does hard werk, yu gots to rest an nap and then stretch an then nap som mor. That a thin Ceiling Cat sez in this book that I kin totallee get behin. Huh.

The Crayzees. Or: Runnin! Evrwher! Verree Fast!

Musashi Sez:

I wuzn’t goin to wryt about the crayzees, but mom sez they’r akshul verree commin, an that mos kittees has the crayzees somtim. Mos has them evr dae. Parentlee, kittees is noen fer havin the crazees, speshullee in the morning an eevnin. Doggees has them too, of cors, but they spreds them out thru the day, so that if yu don’t mind the slobbr, yu migt akshul not notis. Wift kittees, yu notis. O yes.

Now yu gots to pae attenshun, cuz ther’s goin to be fhyziks.

Boft doggees and kittees nap a lot, to get the enerjee fer jumpin on stuff. But doggees has tails that ar alwaes waggin. If they sees yu, they wag. If they eet dinnr, they wag. If they walk down the street, they wag. All that waggin uses up enerjee that they got from all that nappin.

But kittees don’t wag, partly cuz we got pryd and partly cuz we’r lazee. (Is tru. Ask anyboddy.) So all that enerjee that we get from the nappin bilds up in our mussls, sqwishin together, mor an mor enerjee sqwishin tigtr and tigtr, until we hits what Nookleer Fhyzisists call CRITICAL MASS.

Then we goes BOING! ! ! lik a spring. An then we’r runnin! Verree fast! Evrwher!

Hoomin peeples calls this the crayzees, but akshul, is jus fhyziks.

Mom Sez:

The cartoon is Patrick McDonnell's brilliant cartoon Mutts. The man sure knows cats (and also dogs, deer, bears, squirrels, small children). Check him out at www.muttscomics.com.