Yu’r Not Breethin Hard Enugf

Musashi Sez:

OK. So mom sez I was kind of crabbee las tim, an that’s tru. I don’t lik rainee daes wen the sun is not shynin and the burds ar not hangin around outsyd. Is annoyin. At leest wen it snow, I kin watch the hoomin peeples brushin all the whyt stuff off their cars. Then they pullz thoz wipey thins up so they looks lik bug antenna. Is perty funnee to see hoomin peeples fussin round them big bugs.

But mom sez I got to mayk shur yu gyz is not feelin bad cuz of mai crabbee. So she sugjestid I shud wryt about somthin “nys,” like mebbee luv. (Somtims she’s sutch a gurl. Huh.) Huh.

So I sed: “Luv’s borin. Is all that kissee stuff.”

An mom sed: “Luv mayks the wurld go round.”

I sed: “No, it don’t. Grabitee does that. Or mebbee innersha. Somthin to do wift fhyziks, aneewae.”

She sed: “Luv conkerz all.”

“Nope,” I sed. “Yu tol me about Wurld Dominayshun an how mutch trubul peeples gets in wen they conkerz othr peeples.”

She thingkd about that fer a whyl. Then she sed: “It’s spring. Luv is in the ayr. If yu’r not in luv, yu’r jus not breethin hard enugf.”

I sed: “What?”

She sed: “Is somthin a frend of yer Ont Mishell sed.”

I aksd: “Is Ont Mishell from yer litter?”

“Yep.”

Huh. So she mebbe is rigt. OK. I moslee breethz perty hard aftr I ben chaysin mousees wift mai ninja skillz. So I go do that now. Then we see what happn aftr.

Fhysiks fer Kittees

Musashi Sez:

Las tim, I told yu about assertin yer dominos. Then som smarteepants rote to me on the kapyuter an sed, "Musashi, that was jeommetry yu told us about, wift strings an all. Do yu noe fhysiks too?" Of corse I noe fhysiks. I alreddy told yu. I noe lots of stuff. An not all of it is oppinyons. Some of it is the kind where eevn if som peeples don't agree wift yu, yu'r still rigt. They'r kald fakts.

I lern fhysiks from mai roommate, Karli. She is studyin to be a farmacist. I thingk that meens she's goin to teech fhysiks to cows an pigs an chikkins somday. It's like when mai mom went to Japan an taugt English as a Speshul Langwudj. Cuz cows don't natchurally do grabitee so gud. (There's even po-et-tree about it. Yu kin tell it's po-et-tree cuz it mentshuns the moon.) Cows has to koncentrate reelly hard or they ar floatin away agin. That's why they always has that funnee look, like chewin grass is hard. It's not the chewin that's hard. Is grabitee.

Grabitee is the law of fhysiks that sez yu gots to stay on the ground. Mom sez she obeys grabitee reelly gud, an inersha too. Personly, I figger grabitee is mor a sujjestion. Inersha is the law that yu gots to get a masheen put inside yu when yu is born. Is like clock. It makes you keep goin when it's on, an reelly stop when it's off. I make shur it's on when I exersize in mornin an at sundown, an off when I sleeps or naps (cuz then it makes yu too hevvy fer humin peeples to pick up). Mos of the day, I keep the inersha on AUTOMATIC so it kin figger out what I need.

This stuff is mostly NEWTONIAN fhysiks. That meens it's the eazy kind. When yu'r older, I tell yu about QUANTUM. That's the mos importint kind fer kittees, but yu'r not reddy fer it yet.

Mom Explains:

He's right. You're not ready for quantum physics yet. You're really not. Especially given the way he's probably going to try to describe it. Oh my, no.

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