A Quantum of Salsa

Musashi Sez:

Som of mai reedrz wuz verree glad wen I escaypt from Licktenshtyn an got bak to mai reglar lyf, espeshul becuz they wer missin mai commintaree on toyz an littr an othr importint stuff. I didn’t egspekt a 72-hour mishun to last fer 2 monfts lik that. Mom sez it’s cuz of jet lag an quantum. Tim kin do stretchee stuff wen a lot is happnin at onse. Well-noen fact. Happns to athletes all the tim. Thingk about the Lympics.

An if I’m goin to be a responsibul writr servin mai constitchooensee of jentul reedrz, then I got to be maykin som desizhuns.

Does I gives up spyin? Does I gives up telling peeples stuffs they need to noe?

It seemd verree hard until mai mom remind me what her frendz at skool alwaes sez: “It not eethr/or. It boft/and.”

“Huh,” sez I. “How I do boft? How yu egspekt me to be in 2 playsiz at the saym tim?”

“Huh yerself,” she sez. “Yu noe about fhyziks. Yooz quantum. A thing kin absolootlee be in 2 playsiz at the saym tim as long as nobuddee noe about it egsaktlee.”

She egsplaynd it to me ovr an ovr til I gotst it. Parentlee, it has to do wift this kittee naymed Schroedinger whu travlz playsis in a box. She sez that basiklee, kitteez has the 9 lyvz, but evrboddee alwaes assoomz they got to liv them SEE-QUENT-CHALLEE, lik 1 aftr another. But ther no reezn why we can’t liv 2 at the saym tim, as long as we don’t yooz that GPS trackin stuff.

Well, I’m still not shur I folloz it all, but I chekt it out wift MII-6, an they sed, oh yeah, we does that all the tim.

OK, no. They’s British. Whut they akshul sed wuz, “Qwite rigt, ol man. Didn’t M tell yu? It’s qwite the don thing.” (Mom tranzlaytid fer me into Merikan.)

So tomorrow I’m goin to start a PARALELL blog wift my parallel lyf.

PS: Meenwhyl, I lerns how to salsa, so I kin sweet-talk the laydeez. Tango wud be askin wae tooo mutch.

Kthxbai.

Mom Says:

Check it out tomorrow at http://agenteightsspyjournal.blogspot.com

It’s exactly what it sounds like, except without the apostrophe.

Fhysiks fer Kittees

Musashi Sez:

Las tim, I told yu about assertin yer dominos. Then som smarteepants rote to me on the kapyuter an sed, "Musashi, that was jeommetry yu told us about, wift strings an all. Do yu noe fhysiks too?" Of corse I noe fhysiks. I alreddy told yu. I noe lots of stuff. An not all of it is oppinyons. Some of it is the kind where eevn if som peeples don't agree wift yu, yu'r still rigt. They'r kald fakts.

I lern fhysiks from mai roommate, Karli. She is studyin to be a farmacist. I thingk that meens she's goin to teech fhysiks to cows an pigs an chikkins somday. It's like when mai mom went to Japan an taugt English as a Speshul Langwudj. Cuz cows don't natchurally do grabitee so gud. (There's even po-et-tree about it. Yu kin tell it's po-et-tree cuz it mentshuns the moon.) Cows has to koncentrate reelly hard or they ar floatin away agin. That's why they always has that funnee look, like chewin grass is hard. It's not the chewin that's hard. Is grabitee.

Grabitee is the law of fhysiks that sez yu gots to stay on the ground. Mom sez she obeys grabitee reelly gud, an inersha too. Personly, I figger grabitee is mor a sujjestion. Inersha is the law that yu gots to get a masheen put inside yu when yu is born. Is like clock. It makes you keep goin when it's on, an reelly stop when it's off. I make shur it's on when I exersize in mornin an at sundown, an off when I sleeps or naps (cuz then it makes yu too hevvy fer humin peeples to pick up). Mos of the day, I keep the inersha on AUTOMATIC so it kin figger out what I need.

This stuff is mostly NEWTONIAN fhysiks. That meens it's the eazy kind. When yu'r older, I tell yu about QUANTUM. That's the mos importint kind fer kittees, but yu'r not reddy fer it yet.

Mom Explains:

He's right. You're not ready for quantum physics yet. You're really not. Especially given the way he's probably going to try to describe it. Oh my, no.

The cartoon comes from Brook McEldowney, 9 Chickweed Lane. Check it out!