Nu Ideerz fer Hallo-Ween

Musashi Sez:

So mai mom wuz lookin on the interwebs fer a gud pikchur of folks lik me figtin in a bar figt, an among all the rong pickchurz wuz one of Captin Crunch. He is a seeryul saylor, lik on a bot, an he has a reellee cool costoom, so now I am considerin bein him when I dress up to be somboddee eltz this yeer. Mom sez that his costoom sugjest that he wuz figtin in the Napoleen Warz. To this I sez, Huh, yu don’t say.

An Mom sez, “Um, Musashi, you do know who Napoleon was, don’t you?”

“Som gy whu started som warz?” (This is a trik mom togt me herself. Is calld contestualizayshun, but yu don’t uzhual win aneethin.)

“Yes…He was a lot like Alexander the Great.”

“A littul gy whu wuz doin that Werld Dominayshun thing?”

“Exactly!”

“Huh. But Captin Crunch jus a seeryul gy, rigt? He not tayk ovr aneebodee’s contree, rigt?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“OK! Then cud you mayk me hiz hat an them cool yellow brayded sholdr thins?”

Mom lookst at me verree seeryuslee. She sez, “Hm. Well, I could make a paper hat, but I don’t think you have enough shoulders to make the epaulettes work.”

I sigd. “Wull, ok. Then YOU be Captin Crunch an I be comin up wift anothr ideer.”

Yu’r Not Breethin Hard Enugf

Musashi Sez:

OK. So mom sez I was kind of crabbee las tim, an that’s tru. I don’t lik rainee daes wen the sun is not shynin and the burds ar not hangin around outsyd. Is annoyin. At leest wen it snow, I kin watch the hoomin peeples brushin all the whyt stuff off their cars. Then they pullz thoz wipey thins up so they looks lik bug antenna. Is perty funnee to see hoomin peeples fussin round them big bugs.

But mom sez I got to mayk shur yu gyz is not feelin bad cuz of mai crabbee. So she sugjestid I shud wryt about somthin “nys,” like mebbee luv. (Somtims she’s sutch a gurl. Huh.) Huh.

So I sed: “Luv’s borin. Is all that kissee stuff.”

An mom sed: “Luv mayks the wurld go round.”

I sed: “No, it don’t. Grabitee does that. Or mebbee innersha. Somthin to do wift fhyziks, aneewae.”

She sed: “Luv conkerz all.”

“Nope,” I sed. “Yu tol me about Wurld Dominayshun an how mutch trubul peeples gets in wen they conkerz othr peeples.”

She thingkd about that fer a whyl. Then she sed: “It’s spring. Luv is in the ayr. If yu’r not in luv, yu’r jus not breethin hard enugf.”

I sed: “What?”

She sed: “Is somthin a frend of yer Ont Mishell sed.”

I aksd: “Is Ont Mishell from yer litter?”

“Yep.”

Huh. So she mebbe is rigt. OK. I moslee breethz perty hard aftr I ben chaysin mousees wift mai ninja skillz. So I go do that now. Then we see what happn aftr.

Idz of March an Wurld Dominayshun

Musashi Sez:

Way bak in Feboorary, I told yu about how I wuz workin on becomin smartypants lik evryboddy els I noe: mom an mai roommayts, and all their frends. I figger if they all caym to vizit an wor their funnee flat hats wift the cool wigglee tassuls, we wudn’t be abul to fit them all an also I’d be egzaustd from chaysin all the tassuls. So 1 day, mom saw me nappin on a book an she sed, “Musashi! What yu doin sleepin on mai book?”

I sed, “I’m lernin to be smartypants the way Karli does it.”

She mad a funnee noyz an then sed that I cud ask her qwestchuns if I wantd to lern spesifik stuff. So I sed I wuz interstid in somthin I saw a lolcat about, calld “WORLD DOMINATION.”

She mayd noyz agen, but then she sed, “OK. What yu want to lern?”

I sed, “Jus tell me what yu noe.”

So she thingkd fer a whyl, an then she askd if I noe whu Joolyus Seezer wuz.

She told me about this feller whu livd in Rom, verree far away, yeers an yeers ago, lik eevn befor that Jesus feller wuz born. He livd reellee clos to Gypsha, that kuntree I told yu about befor, wher hoomin peeples wershipd kittees. His naym was Joolyus, an they naymd Joolai aftr him cuz he wuz bornd then. I thingk that mayks him a Leo, jus lik mom, an mebbe that’s why she lik him. Also this othr feller, Shaykspeer (whu mom thingks is awsom lik a lion) wryted a plae about this Joolyus feller.

Seems lik this Joolyus got togethr a big armee an martchd them throo Frans and Inglund an took ovr all thos kuntrees, an then went bak hom to Rom an chuckd out the othr fellers whu had ben helpin him, an mayd himself king of evrwher. But the fellers whu didn’t get chuckd out got togethr in the middul of Martch aftr a whyl an they killd Joolyus. (That’s what that feller Shaykspeer wryted about.) So mom sez world dominayshun has its downsid. She sed she’d tell me about this othr feller Alekzandr somtim. But I thingk I’m don wift it fer now.

Mom Reacts:

Gosh, I never expected it would make him lose interest. What a pity for us all…