Mor Thogts on Mai Perfeshun

Musashi Sez:

So, I ben aksksin mai mom if I kin hav a ponee so I kin praktis mai rydin fer mai nu kareer as kittee herder, an then mai sekund kareer as a cowboy moovee star, but she sez that poneez is reel ekspensiv, eevn mor ekspensiv than kitteez, cuz they needs oats an hay an fansee metul shooz an speshul persnal traynrz to teetch them to run around in cirkulz correkt. An sombuddee, probabl sombuddee wift thumz, needz to shovl out theyr poop, an they poop lotz mor eevn than me an her combind!!! An altho mom shovl myn out fer free (cuz she lov me), hyrin hoomin peeples fer shovlin ponee poop cost a lotta monnee. Huh.

So okay. Plan B (that meen sekkund plan, fer all yu kittees whu dont noe yer ABCz yet). Sins poneez to praktis rydin an herdin kittees wift ar so ekspensiv, I ben tryin to figger mai othr assts. The mos yoosful 1 I kin see iz mai fur. See, not lik som kittees, whu dressiz in tweed or strypeez, I allus dressiz in tukseedo. I got whyt ty an whyt cucumberbun. That mayk me classee kittee an set me up up fer som veree re-myoonerativ kareerz.

I tell yu how I lern this. See, this las week mai mom ben reedin Nobul Hous, a novul about the littul iyland call Hongkong. I ben sleepin on her book, but is verree thik, so is not so eezee to follo. Lucky, mom haz the Netflik, so we ar also watchin the moovee, an it hav Peers Brosnin, whu mom sez is kyuut, so she watch it verree cayrful.

In this moovee, lotsa gyz weyr the tukseedo, jus lik me. I aksks mom, What theyr job that they weyr the tukseedo?

She sez, wull, som is Inner-nashunull Fynanseers, wift lotsa monee flyin around. An som is spyz.

Huh, sez I. Yu dont say…

Choozin Mai Perfeshun

Musashi Sez:

Mai cuzzin Bekka has problim. She tryin to figger out what she goin to be when she grow up, an she figgr it all haz to do wift wher she go to colledj. I has strong feelin fer her, cuz I am tryin to figger out mai fyutcher too.

Mai mom keep sayin that Bekka shud go to a libral artz collidj an jus trai a buntcha stuff, but Bekka is what yu cud call fussee: she need to noe now what she goin to do fer, lik, lotsa years. An I get that, cuz I figger, if I can’t plan at leest a yeer or 2 in advans then I’m goin to be SO BEHIND that it isn’t eevn worft tryin to catch up. Cuz, yu noe, kittees, we onlee liv fer lik 10-15 yeers. So 2 yeers is a liftym.

Still, mai mom insist that Bekka will probabul becom a bonfitz fuzzler (mom’z spellin, not myn!). I sez, what is a bonfitz an how does yu fuzzl it? She sez she don’t noe, cuz it hazn’t ben inventid yet. I can't tell if she’s bein seeryus or if it’s a meddafor. (She is a po-et, aftr all, an they is pron to meddaforz.)

So anneewae, I has perty mutch desydid to becom a kittee herdr. I saw on YuToob how it is a rugf an ruggid job an differkult to do, but yu gits to be frends wift buntcha tougft guyz whu kin carree a kittee (eevn a Mayn Coon Kittee!!!) on they’r saddulz. An yu eetz korfee and beenz all the timz, an that gotter be betterer than kittee cruntcheez.

Mom sez, “Well, if that whut yu wantz…” lik ther’z somthin betterer, but I seen that moovee, Sittee Slikkerz, an I noez that yu gots to fokuss.

If yu wantz to see how all yu kin be, yu gotz to go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWymXNPaU7g&NR=1

Puss an Boots an Antonio

Musashi Sez:

Som stuff that mai mom liks is jus stoopid, lik gittar myoozik (she lernd 2 whol kordz so far), an Snoopee whu is a doggee, an baklava (don’t aksk me).

But somtim she gets theez mooveez in red paypr onvelops, an they not all bad. Ther iz this 1 guy whu is perty cool. He iz from Spayn, an so he play lotsa rolls wher he hafta speek wift a Spaynish aksent. Somtimz they’r sad. I don’t lik thoz. But he wuz also in Shrek II as Puss In Boots, a great Kittee Heero. So I gives him 2 whol starz, cuz how manee hoomin peeples is willin to play the grayt kitteez of our tym? I thingk that thoz akterz ort to get a award, lik how they gets Oskarz, an Obeez, an Toneez, an stuff. I rekkamend a new award. We cud call it the Moocheez, after Mooch from the comik strip Mutts. They wud get a big gold statchu of Mooch hangin from a tree brantch, cuz I thingks that’s whut happins when they agreez to play a cat.

So I nominenayt ANTONIO BANDERAS as getting the First-Ever GOLDEN MOOCHEE AWARD fer his pertrayal of a kittee in the big sinerma-film industree thing.

A Lidderaree Masterpees!!!

Musashi Sez:

Mom just bogt me a book an it’s the best book evr! It’s all about this kittee an his differkult sertch fer a houskeepr, an his figts, an HADDOCK, an the tim he got reellee sik an lost som fur, an also a buntch of egzistentchul theems to do wift kittee peeples and hoomin peeples livin together, so lik, cross-speeseez fhillosofee. Huh.

The writr’s naym is May Sarton, an mom sez she wuz a grayt po-et an also wrot long storeez calld novulz. She eevn livd not so far from heer, an part of the book happins in Cambridj, that is across the rivr.

Almos fergot: the book is calld The Fur Person. Is deeplee moovin, a tru pertrayal of the tryals of feelyn lif. I givs it 4 starz. Yu gots to go get this book an reed it. Or hav yer mom or dad reed it to yu, lik myn did.

I givs yu a qwot of the ferst payj:

"When he was about two years old, and had been a Cat About Town for some time, glorious in conquests, but rather too thin for comfort, the Fur Person decided that it was time he settled down. This question of finding a permanent home and staff was not one to be approached lightly of a May morning..." (Sarton 13).

OK. Now yu go get book.

Sarton, May. The Fur Person. New York: WW Norton, 1983.

I Haz Crankee

Musashi Sez:

This mornin is no fayr. The burds ar chirpin lik crayzee but I can’t see them. An the trees ar maykin whoosh noiziz an mom sez that’s the wind, but is annoyin. I chaysd mai mousee, but he rund awae unner the couch wher it’s hard to get to him. Mom offerd to shayr her waffuls wift me, cuz she sez waffuls halp wift the crankee, but they smelld lik reglar hoomin peeples fud, bleah.

Huh. Then she sugjestid that I writ “LUGUBRIOUS” down in 1 of her noetbooks but that not so halpful when yu can’t hold crayon. It’s cold an the sun has gon awae an I don’t lik it.

So fynalee, mom sed she red a buk about jus this sorta thin bak when she wuz in gradjuet skool. The buk sed that if eetin waffuls an writin LUGUBRIOUS didn’t werk, then yu shud jus probabbul go bak to bed. So that’s egzaktlee whut I did, an yu noe, it kinda halpd.

So I givs this yoosful buk 3 whol starz (Yah, I noe: perty amayzin!!!). It’s called Alicia’s Bad Day an it’s by mai mom’s frend from skool, Lisa Jahn-Clough. Her naym is almos as hard to spell as myn is, but is worth it. Yu go buy this buk now, ok?

Thinkin about Singin

Musashi Sez:

Mai mom lissens to myoozikuls a lot, an that has totullee chanjd her vyu of myuzik. I gess that’s OK, cuz ther ar som hoomin peeples that ar contantlee lissenin to Oprah, that chick from Chicago whu has her own show and whu is parentlee singing constantlee stuff lik the ariars from Handle an foks lik him. Fer egsampul:

O,
I am looking for my love
in the shady forests,
in the forests, overshadowed,
I am looking for my love.
O,
in the forests of shadow
my love, my overshadowed love
is, in the forests,
shadowed
by all the other trees,
where I am looking
for my love…

So aneewae, I thinks all of this is hogwash. Yu eethr noe wher yer lov is or yu don’t, an singin about it won’t halp. So if yu wants to sing, get up on a reellee gud fens and sing about somthin entierlee else!!!

An the Winnr iz Gimlee!

Musashi Sez:

So the final vot wuz 19.5 starz fer Chuk Noris and 70 starz fer Gimlee, son of Gloin. I askd mom how I cud fit 70 starz on the blog an she sed she cud teetch me somthin calld “LONG DIVISION.” That’s math, akshully. See you writs down 70 in a half a box an then yu puts the 19.5 on the side wift the walls. Then yu writs a 3 on the top of the box, an skribblz on a envlop. That’s a importint part. Then yu writs 58.5 unner the 70, an duz “SUB-TRAKSHUN” an that’s like takin the 58 thing away an seein what’s left. This rekwyrs crossin out numbrs an puttin in littul 1s on top. Then yu writs 11.5 unnerneeth an adds mor 0s on top nex to the 70 wift all the crossin out parts. Ther’s mor skribblin an crossin stuff out. I didn’t follo it all. Aneewae, mom insists that in whut she call Real Star Terms, Gimlee hav 3.5 starz, and Chuk get 0.

I don’t mind fhyziks, but this math stuff is fer burds.