Editin is Borin. Huh.

Musashi Sez:

Wull, Mom has been spending most of the last few days eethr sittin around waitin fer somthing to edit, or editing it. This is borin, as it tend to meen she is not free to run around the partmint chasin me or playin wift the lazer pointer. And parently, she do this ALL THE TIME at work.

Persunly, I find this extremely hard to bleev. I mean, I has meeted some of her frendz whu werk wift her, an they does not strik me as the not-spendin-any-tim-not-chasin-the-lazer-pointer kinda peeples. They is mutch more wilder an crazier than that.

Aftr all, I noes that they take luntch breaks. Shurlee they get some tim to stretch an run  around an play, eevn if it is MIT, which apprentlee is a Verree Seerius Place.

I aksked her, “Don’t MIT hav some Mad Scientists?”

She sed, “Nope. Not mad. Just kinda exhausted.”

 

“Wull, that is no fun,” I sed.

“It depends,” she sed. “It also meen that we hasn’t got the big green creature guys that mad scientists tend to build in their labs. I figure they balance each other out.”

An yu noe, I think she has got a point ther.

Considering Mother’s Day a Littul Early

Musashi Sez:

Wull, it has ben verree gud to be bak on Earth, after my long journey in the orbit lookin fer Captain Nemo in our armchair spaceship. But now I am spending my time walkin around on the desk and the bed and the armchair and the table, sniffin everything to make its acqwaintance again. Naturally, I also sniffs the mail. Mom gets Netflix movies, and the most recentest one had, on the back of the perty red envelope, “MOMS ROCK.” An I cudn’t agree mor.

But I also noes that yu migt not akshully noe about this importint part of history, so I will tell yu it.

See, about 400 years ago, the Indians who lived in Massachoosetts got very upset wift all the doggeez and kitteez whu was sneaking into their camps and stealing their fud. So they built a big tent in Plymouth to put them in so they wud stop.

Meanwhile, back in England and Dutchland an places lik that, there were lotsa moms whu culdn’t have doggeez and kitteez because they had the mean landlords whu wudn’t let them. They got verree upset about this, so they decided that they wud do something about it. So they put all their money together an bougtid a big boat, and they sailed West fer more than a monft. Weeks an weeks, they sailed, looking fer someplace they cud hav a betterer life.

Finally, they saw land, so they went to it and parked their boat. They marched down the gangplank and they saw a big rock and behind it, a big ol tent wift lotsa barking and meowing going on inside.  Some of the Indians were staring at all the moms getting off the boat.

But othr Indians was yelling at the tent: “Settle down in there! Shut up! We are trying to husk corn and wift all yer yapping, we can’t concentrayt!”

So two of the moms put their heds together. Joan Aldrin sed, “Huh, I bet we kin mayk a deal here.”

An Millicent Standoffish sed, “I noes exactly whut to do!”

They went to the Indians and sed, “If yu let us have some land to liv on, we will take all those doggeez and kitteez off yer hands fer yu, and keeps them out of yer hair.”

An the Indians sed, “AWESOME!”

(Except that this was hundreds and hundreds of yeers ago, so there was probably lots of thees and thous and passing miraculouses, an like that cuz peoples talked funny back then.)

So they named their nu hom in America “Moms’ Rock.” An that is why we still say this to this day.

The End. Huh.

More Parteez an a Change of Planz

Musashi Sez:

Wull, it has been a verree egsytin week again. On May 1, we celebraytid the fact that Mom is employed, since noboddee pays me to do my writing. On May 4, we celerbrayted Star Warz Dae, cuz, yu noe, May the Fourth be wift yu. On May 5, we celerbraytid Cinco de Mayo (which is pernounced Sanko de My-O, not Sink-O de Mayo, an fer some reason has nothing to do wift:

• decaffeinated coffee

• yerz truly

• sinks

• mayonnaise

or, an yu not going to beleev this,

• Spaghetti-os or eevn

• the letter O, which yu wud hav expected to have sponsored the holiday.

Nope, it has to do wift Mexico and the Frentch army. Yu remembrer Emperor Napoleon wift the funnee hat an planz fer world dominayshun? This army was sent by his grandson Luis.

Aneeway, it occurred to me that wift all this importint stuff I has to do all the tim, I not got any more tim for that eevil Captain Nemo whu stole mai naymin rights to that big old blizzard we had. But I figger that since I stole his Bein-Halpful-wiftout-Bein-Aksked certificate from Mr. Rogers, we are eevn. An if he decides he wants it back, then he kin come to me an we kin make a deal.

In the meantime, we has brougtid our ship back to Earth an I am busy workin on mai jet lag, which is OF COURSE the ONLIEST reason that I was wide awake at 3:55 this morning pattin Mom on the face. In fact, I is insulted that she cud possibly have thogtid otherwise. Huh.

Shaykspeare an Like That

Musashi Sez:

So this past week was a gud time fer partying. Tuesdae was Will Shakespeare’s birftdae. He was 449. I figger that next year is going to be a big party fer him in England, cuz how manee peeples akshully reach 450? I figger they’ll make him a big cake, maybe in the shape of that famous round theater. It’ll be verree egsytin fer him to blo out all them candles! He’s probabul goin to need all kindsa help.

Meenwhile, back here in Boston, evrbodee talking about how strong we all are, eevn tho all the reellee scary stuff is over, so how come we still needs to be so strong? They caugtid the bad guy who exploded the Boston Marathon an akshully got all my roommate gurls to stay hom last Friday!!!

Which is not to say that I am fer exploding stuffs, jus cuz it gives me companions. No, no, no.

Last week, we had a verree hard tim comyoonicaytin wift our fayvrit peeple in Boston, Pittsburg, Connecktikit, Main, an stayts lik that becauz of them skaree terrerist folks whu desideraytid to hurts peeples at that Boston Marathon thing. I’m still tryin to figger out why someboddee wud want to do somthin lik this, but I figger that I am extraordinarilee lucky about it, sins so far it look lik noboddee I noe has been hurt.

But I keeps thinking about all of them othr folks whu has ben hurtid, an I not noe whut to do. So mostlee, I runs around lik a crazy kittee an then takes a nap.

I bet yu guys all do the same thing as me. Huh.

We Upgraydz the Spontanteity!

 Musashi Sez:

Wull, we have been cleenin up the Spontaneity, maykin shur that all of them Peeps are gone. (Eevn if it mean eatin them--it's a dirty job bein a starshp captain sometimes.)

We had a crew meetin an we all agreed that it was time to upgrade our ship. This is goin to mean movin all of Mom's "school stuffs" off of the spayse-ship chair so that Kaylee, our mechanic, can get in there and do some work, addin some verree cool harwayre.

We got a brand new spinny thing (cuz the old one got worn out from all that spinnin.)

Also, we boughtid us a brand  new gyroscope, which are a thing that keep us on the straight an narrow, or at leest on the straight, largely becuz of pfhyziks. Huh.

I has ben tryin to convinserayt peeples that we cleerly needs raysin  stripes, preferabul in blu an gold, but they is not convinserayted jus yet. It may wull be that I gots some work to do to get mai way eventchoolee.

But that is whut we has been up to laytlee.

That Post-Eestr Thing

Musashi Sez:

Wull, now that Eeastr is ovr, I kin tell yu all about what happened between that big Whit-furred bunny an us, the crew of my ship the Spontenaity.

See, we hads this big figt and the Bunnee turned us all different colrz. An I totalee won. But then I realized that what all of us was sittin on after the figt, was all these yellr sugar peeps. We didn’t know why, but then somebody said, “Deer God, they ar self-replicaytin at a velocity that we can’t handle! Captin,! Whut are we gonna do???”

An yu knoes that ther is trouble when they starts yoozin multiple punctuayshun marks.

So I sed, “Huh, we’ll jus have to eat them!”

An of course that Bunnee-fellr was not too happy about that, so he started slingin lotsa them littul bloo nougat eggs at us, (ouch!), an we started slingin multi-colored and –flayvored jelly beans at him. An down he went!

 

Then we tooked them funny colored bunnees and chicks an we gived them tooth-picks an them plastic swords an we paired them off an made they figt it out in the microwayv.

Hoorah! Victree!

So, finally havin figted off the big rabbit fellr, we cud continyoo our journey to get justice from Captan Nemo.

This Not Aprul Fool, Mutch

Musashi Sez:

Eventchoolee, Mom caym home again from church, and I hads to give her back the com, but that also meant that I cud go down to the cargo hold and see what that Eestr Bunny guy was up to. An yu wud not BELEEV!

Ther was brigt yellr Peeps EVRWHER!!! The whole cargo hold was compleetlee filled wift Peeps! Ther was no big white bunnee rabbit, but only them yellr chickenz.

Suddenly there was a big sound: Ka-CHUNK! I turned to see the portal filled wift a big white bunny! So, of course, I does what you would egspect a shiny black kitty wift delusions of Walter Mitty to do.

I attackt.

Cat an rabbit figt! Rabbit an cat figt! SNARL! Meow! ROOOWR!

An on the sidelinez, big yellr Peeps, cheerin an roarin an maykin chaos!! WHOO HOO!

An Kaylee yells, “Yu go, Musashi-Kittee! Kill his ass!”

An I yells, “Kaylee, that not perlite or pretty!”

An she yells, “You don’t pay me to talk pretty!”

An that is verree troo. I doesn’t actchrlee pay any of my team at all yet.