Revenge in a Dish, Look-Warm

-->

Musashi Sez:

So the 4 of us, me, Captain Musashi, mai mom whu is the pilot, our mechanic Haylee, an Mr. Tygr, agent extrawdinair, were eetin dinnr in the mess hall, which is akshullee the rigt arm of the armchair-ship (cuz the left arm is steerin, OBVEEOUSLEE), an wuz havin a reezonablee gud meel of proteen barz an frozen spinitch, when Mr. Tygr says, “I has a treet fer yu!” An he brings out a big metal bowl-thin wift a ladul, an he proceeds to ladul out this funnee soop fer all of us. It was mostlee saltee, wiftout that uzhual zing! I associayts wift Mr. Tygr’s cookin (he reellee lik Asian fud an soy sauce an garlic).

We say, “Hey, Mr. Tygr, whut’s this soop?”

An he say, “Gess!!!”

An we ar flabbergasted, to say the leest, so we gives up. The he pulls out a sign an puts it in front of the galley, which is a salty way of sayin “reellee small kitchin.”

An then we unnerstands and eets up.

Followin the Trail

Musashi Sez:

We has casted off so we cud swim in the deep oshun, following the trail of that nastee Captin Nemo fellr, whu stol the naymin rigts fer the Blizzard which shud hav ben naymed after ME, Musashi (Captin of the Firefly class ship, the Spontaneity). Mai mishun, cuz I am verree mishun-orientid, is to chays down that Nemo fellr’s ship, the Nautilus, get mai operativ Mr. Tygr on bord secretly so he kin find out where Nemo keeps thos naymin rigts, steel them bak and bring them to us heer on the Spontaneity.

The onlee problem is that we not noe where Nemo went or what track he took through the oshun. Where is he likely to go? What sort of safe haven wud he look fer? Somewhere in Indyer? Someplace unner the ice cap (or whut’s left of it)?

So we started out by sailin unner the sea lookin fer the Nemo gy in whut you migt call a linear way. Then I hads a Brayn Storm. It occurred to me that if we went into Low Earth Orbit, we cud look down into the oshun an maybe eevn yooz GPS (Global Pozitioning Stuff) to find Nemo. We looked down in the oshun from WAYYY up above the sea and we had our Bobbinaytor an our IST (Impressiv Sensor Thingy) look fer any of that ther nookleayshun-typ energee. We finded 7 US Navy submareenz an also a alien ship wift a 23^rd centuree engine. An we finded somebody else wift a verree hard-to-nail-down engine, an so far, we has not definitivitivlee identified it as Nemo, but I think we has a shot.

So we are goin to keep lookin, and pertee soon we are goin to find him an get justis an lik that. Cuz we are the Heroes, an the Heroes alwaes wins. Huh.

Appreeshiayin All Mai Gurl Frendz & Lik That

Musashi Sez:

We are taykin a brayk todae from mai importint mishun to catch Nemo, becuz it has com to mai attenshun that todae is Valentin Dae, when yu tells folks that yu luvs them, espeshullee when they are pertee gurlz.

So Happy Valentin Dae to Grandma, Pamlr, Amandr, Haidee, an Katia an Olga an espeshullee mai Mom, cuz she scoops mai poop, an that is how yu noe sombodee reellee lov yu.

An a Happy Valentin Dae to all mai reederz, espeshullee the ones who ar in faraway places like Germany, Russia, Texas, Lithuania, Canada, Switzerland, China, France, Ireland, India, Michigan, Maine, New York an Connecticut. Oh. An the United Kingdom. An anyboddee I might hav missed.

Calibraytin the Chairship’s Meckanisms

Musashi Sez:

So I werked all dae yestrdae (aftr brekfist, I meen) on finishin mai ship so I kin go catch that Captin Nemo gy whu stol the naymin rigts to mai blizzard. I got the originul design from mai frend Opus the Penguin, who has spent lotsa tim as the science offiser on a ship jus like it. He eevn brogtid over spayr parts from the verree old Beta Verzhun fer me to put together wift Mom’s green armchair, an we are testing the engine to mayk shur it werks well enugf.

The chair has got three levelz. Mom is goin to serv as the pilot, on the second level (wher the steerin meckanism is), an I am goin to be the captin, on the top level, wher I kin see ovr her head. When things brayk, our frend Kaylee, the meckanic, will go unnerneath, wher the fansee engine is, cuz she is verree gud wift masheenz, an she will be able to fix it.

Yu wud be verree impressed wift the engine. It has got bells an eevn wissulz. It has a uppydowny, a flux capacitor, a bobbinator, a flounce attachment, an eevn a spinny thing! It is trooly a thing of wonder. I not sure just egzactly whut a cryhole is, or a arc reactor, but parintlee, it got those things too. Don't asks me, I is just the captin.

All we has to do now is put lots of toona in the kitchin an get the fuel it needs so that the spinnything spins an the bobbinator bobbinates. I maydid shur that we were not yoozin fossil fuels, cuz Mom wudn't lik that and Kaylee wudn't eevn noe whut to do wift them since she is from 500 yeerz in the fyootchr. (But she is young fer her ayj, so it not lik she'll be fallin asleep all the tim. Huh. She'd better not! That MY job.)

Perty soon, we’ll be abul to cast off an chays that annoyin Nemo fellr: Zoom! Zish! The Firefly class ship Spontaneity, ready fer akshun, wift ME, the heroic captin!

But Mom sez I am not allowed to call her mai byootiful assistint. Oh well, yu can’t has evrythin.

Welcomin the Crew on Bord

Musashi Sez:

Stardate 02112013. Our mishun, to find that dastardly Captin Nemo who stol the naymin rigts to the Earth-America-Noo-Inglund-Blizzard of stardate 02082013.

Obstakulz will not stand in our way, pertiklee when we ar eethr flyin in the spays or swimming in the oshun. We duzn’t akshulee noe how our ship will fare on land, but we are planning to spend a minimumul tim on land, cuz it has the gravitee, and gravitee is no fun.

Meenwhil, ME, Captin Musashi, is givin our Oprativ, Mistr Tygr, his orderz. Yu kin listen in:

ME: Okay, Mr. Tygr, frum now on, yer naym is “VJ” Tigriswattee, yu got that?

Mr. Tyger: Whut VJ stand fer?

ME: Huh. Victory Jaipur. Whut else?

Mr. Tyger: Okay. Whut shud I noe about mai backgroun?

ME: Yu from Jaipur, the pink city of Indee’er. So yu liks pink. But yu still verree danjerous. Probabul yu cudn’t get a plays on another ship cuz yu so danjerus. An yu are verree glad to get a plays on the Nautilus, so yu ar willin to be danjerus to the peepls Captin Nemo want yu to be danjerus against (onlee not us on the Firefly class ship Spontaneity; but don’t tell aneebodee about that; it ar a verree big seekret)

Mr. Tyger: Gotcha!

ME: Egsellent. Wen we get to the “rondayvoo” point wift the Nautilus, we will run ovr this agen and then transport yu. Do som push ups. Yu lookin a littul thin. They not goin to want yu unless yu look lik that Gastank Tygr, whatshisnaym.

Mr. Tyger: Wun-too, wun-too, wun-too, wun-too, wun-too, wun-too!

I pads mai way frum Tyger’z qwarterz to the Engin Room. The nookyoolr engin is runnin verree well, akshullee, which mayk me a littul nervus. Stuffs almost nevr run verree well. Somthin migt be verree wrong.

ME: Ms. Meckanik? Kaylee? Mom? Whu in charge heer?

Kaylee: Yah, it’s me. I wuz unemployed cuz of the stoopid netwerk who mayd our cool show go orf the air, an yer mom is a bettr pilot than meckanik—she’s an Inglush majer, yu know, whil I has gots a degree in meckanikul engineerin from MIT.

ME: The Massachusetts Institoot of Tecknologee?

Kaylee: Yu gotsta be kiddin. It’s the Mars Institooshun of Techicaliteez. Huh.

ME: So I not has to rely on Mom to steer an fix the engines at the saym tim?

Kaylee: Nop. But I will egspect fresh strawberreez on a reglar basis. Say, evree three monfts?

ME: Yu gots it!!!

Mai 5th Birftdae!!!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, yestrdae wuz mai 5^th birftdae. I am 5 now!!!  We celerbrayted by havin a big ol blizzard! We gots two feets of sno outside, which is like almost elebenty inches. The onliest problem is that they din’t naym it aftr me, lik they shud hav. Instead they naymed it Nemo, which I thogtid was stoopid, cuz he’s jus a littul orinj fish, rigt? An I wuz thingkin how cool it wuz that they naymed that hurricayn las fall fer my Grandmom, Sandy. So they shud has naymed the blizzard after ME, Musashi.

But then I finded out what REELLEE happened. See, it turn out that this gy, Captin Nemo, whu has this nookyoolr submareen, come up in the middul of the city wher all them meteeyor meatierol mityer gyz whu predict the weathr ar. And he STOL the naymin rigts to the blizzard!!!

This is verree bad, but I has figgered out a way to fix it. I toldid mom that all I needed wuz mai verree own nookyoolr submareen, an then I cud CHAYS him down an get the naymin rigts bak!!!

Egsept that Mom sed, “Musashi, if we not has room fer a ponee, wher yu thingk we goin to put a submareen??? An anywae, as environmentalists, we is opposed to the nuclear stuffs—"

And then she made me read about nuclear stuffs on Wikrpedia. Turns out nuclear is not the saym as nookyoolr. Nuclear is about bashin atoms and makin them poisonous, eevn tho yu do get some enerjee out of it.

Luckilee, I has a degree in the nookyoolr fhyziks, which is the stuffs that runs the nookleeaytr, which mos of yu non-teknikul typs probabul refer to as the “microwave.” Huh.

So I is retrofittin (this mor of mai speshulist langwudj) Mom’s green armchair into a nookyoolr ship thing. I wuz goin to christen her (not Mom; the chair) the Firefly class ship, Spontaneity, but since all the stors are closed fer the storm, we are goin to have to put off the whol champagne thing fer a fyoo daes.

In the meentim, Mom has maydid Blooberree Cinnamon Muffinz to celerbrayt mai birftdae, an Mom an the girls (they ar Rushin, like lotsa them Bond girls), sang Happy Birftdae to me (in two an a half part harmony, but I not holds it against them). So I is goin to go has mai partee and then I will com bak an finish mai ship an then go an catch this Captin Nemo gy.

He not see whut is comin. Huh.

An About Tim Too!!!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, we has got verree gud nooz heer tonigt, an it not just becuz I still has mai percastinayshun/writr blok problem. It turn out that the big fansee gaym MONOPOLEE has ben tryin to get all modrn. They has gottid folks to vot fer the OLD token they wantid to get rid of an then vot fer the NOO token they wantid to now be abul to yooz an plae wift when next they playd MONOPOLEE, the classic gaym of reel estat stuffs an also verree colorful paypr monee. An MONOPOLEE is also faymuslee aobut them littul metul thingeez that evreeboddee get so egsytid about, almost lik they wuz their akshul AVATARS. Huh. Which is jus kinda ridiklus.

So that faymus Hasbro compny mayded a big elekshun, so that peeples whu likt to plae the gaym cud vot about which candidayt avatar-metul-thingee they cud plae wift when they bougtid the noo verzhun of the gaym.

An LOTS and LOTS of peeples votid! It wuz almos as egsytin as that votin thingee we hads a coupla monfts ago, back in Novemberer. They hads fiv (5) candidayt metul-avatar-thingeez fer peeple to vot fer (as oppozd to onlee 2 lik in the plitikul elekshun thingee), as yu can see in Figr. 3: the diamond ring, the gitar, the helicoptr, an eevn the ROBOT (which I wud has othrwyz votid fer, myself), an the kittee.

An the vots are in!!! Peeples desiderayted that the ol’ fashund iron (that wuzn’t eevn the kind yu plugz into the electrisitee) shud go OUT! (Mai Mom sez this may be one of them stryks fer the cays of feminisimismsn, an girls not havin to do evrboddee else'z ironin. She is fer that to such an egstent that she wud has votid fer womin to has wrinklee shirts. Parentlee, this is a politikul position. I jus thogtid it wer a fashun staytmint. Huh.)

But they all LOSTID the gaym to the Kittee! 3 Cheers!

Repeat aftr me: WooHoo fer the Kittee! WooHoo fer the Kittee! WooHoo fer the Kittee! S/He are carryeein forwerd our Feelyn Legasee of the Dignitee an also the Rigtful Arrogans of Kitteez the werld ovr! O yeah!

An as Patrick McDonnell, our Verree Fayvrit Cartoonist Person, sez, yu shud notis (an be verree happee about) how the Kittee Token has got a Collar an a Naym Tag!!! (Lik all Kitteez shud has). An altho yu kin not see it on the piktchur, I bets that lik Mai Kittee Frenz, the Kittee Token Person also has his/her address an phon numbr on the bak of his/her naym tag, just lik I has.

Huh. Kitteez is winnin again all ovr. Yus, we ar. We, as a spesheez, are havin a big, fat PROUD! Yu might eevn say we ar havin a SWAGGR!!!

Huh!