Mai Akshul Holloeen

Musashi Sez:

So. Lastest nigt, Mom an Me celebraytid Holloween in our diffrint waez. She went to a partee held by my ol frend Lizzlbet an her buddeez. She went as me—not mai kittee me, but my innr Japneez samurai worrier me: Musashi Miyamoto. I stayd hom as Mom. I thogt about Ceiling Cat verree deeply, an fell asleep on her histree buk. I know it wuz the bestest one of her cherch histree buks, cuz she fallz asleep on it all the tim.

Now on one paw, this wuz less egsytin than I hads ben thingking. But I has desydid that the Shinkansen—the bullit trayn—is not so mutch a costoom as a spritual praktis. The wae I seez it, Ceiling Cat has to zoom! around! everwher! all the tim! verree fastest! to bring toyz to gud littul kitteez (an occayzhunul doggeez, birdeez, ottrz, chipmonks, an lik that) all ovr the werld.

Or mebbe that’s Santy Clawz…

Mom Says:

You’re not the only one who gets them confused.

Musashi Sez:

Huh. I shud thingk so. I meen, I eevn gets confuzzled whil wayrin Mom’z smartee-pants glassiz!

Full Disclosure:

Musashi did not in fact wear his mother’s glasses last night, as she needed them herself. As she pointed out, if you’re going to carry a wooden sword around, it’s best that you can see who it is you are choosing to smack or not smack with it, such as, say, Peter Pan. The above picture is a media stand-in for Mr. Musashi. Not Figure 3; Figure 3 is real. Figure 2 is, well, not so much.

Mai Holloeen Opshunz, III

Musashi Sez:

OK, so I hav consideraytid a fyoo mor skayree Holloween costoomz:

1. A Eevl Warlok, lik that Perfessr Snayp fellr.

Admitlee, I gotsta do mor praktis sayin, “Abra-kadabra!” an also, wift grayt sarkasm, “OBviuslee.”

2. Qwatzekoattul, the Feathrd Serpent of Doom.

As neer as I kin figgr, this gy'z a Mayan deeitee whu'z goin to com in 2012 to sweep up the mess. He gots his werk cut out fer him...

3. The Shinkansen, the verree fast Japaneez trayn. (Mai Mom an her frend, Robin, rydid it lots an lotsa yeerz ago! They passd the faymus mountin fooji so fast that their pictshurz din't qwyt com out rigt.

Mom sez I jus has to run-aroun! verree fastest! so all foks see is a silvr blurr! It sounz way too eezee to be tru.

4. Or, possibul, Darft Vaydr, the eevl dark lord of the planetz an stuff. He wuz Destroyr of Planitz an aslo Peeplez. A verree bad gy! I not shur I want to pertend to be him...

Yu noe whut he look lik if yu seen his mooveez...

Mai Holloeen Opshunz, II

Musashi Sez:

I ben clikkin around on the innerwebs an I finded 2 noo ideerz.

1. a Ninjr worreeer

2. Batman

It hard to desyd, cuz they boft gets to wayr the blak costoom an impress peeples wift their mad skillz an also dignitee. Huh.

Mai Holloeen Opshunz, I

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I am off to a layt start figgerin out mai Holloeen costoom, maynlee cuz Mom wuzn’t plannin on goin anywher an then she got invitid to a partee wift som of her old frendz. So then I thogt, if she is goin to be somboddee els, then so is I! Huh.

So heer ar mai firstest thogts.

1. Catbus (from the moovee Mai Neighbor Totoro)

Jus becuz the reel catbus is orinjee-brown is not to mattr, cuz Mom has a tweed jakit I kin borro, altho it haz the long arms. Also, evr tim I try to git them four mousees into playse on my bak, they falls off giggling.

2. A Black Crayon

For this one I wud need to borro Mom’s grey jakit, but she won’t let me drawr on it.

3. Baysmint Cat

All I’d need to do is to hyd mai whit bits an paktis yoozin mai layzr eyz!!!

4. Jimbond (the old standbai)

Or, possibul, the oatmeal Qwaykr gy.

Ther is so mannee possibuliteez, an so littul tim… But I is opin to ideerz from all 3 of mai reederz... So whatchu thingk?

Our Lastest (gessr) Winnr!

Musashi Sez:

Wull, the bad nooz is that it is tru that I onlee got 3 reedrz. The gud nooz is that at leest 1 of them kin manidj that fansee “egstropolaytin” thin that is as hardr to spell as it is to do.

But our frend *Pamlr* figgerd out that mai fayvritest moovie is Casrblankr! Yus! Not onlee do it got peeples in tuxeedoz, it also has got Mr. Bogart an that flashee kittee-hoomin, Ingrd Bergmn. An, as in all the bestest moovies, the gud gyz makes the Notzeez luk stoopid!!! Woo! Hoo!

OK. But yu gyz can’t figgr out whu mai fayvritest moovie star is. Huh. Does Jaymz Deen evr play a kittee? NOT. Does Danyul Crayg evr play a kittee? NOT. An altho it is verree tru that Invaydr Zim is wickid cool, an Bogee is, wull, Bogee, the onliest star in the list whu has playd the (intenslee moovin) rol of a kittee person is Halle Berree. Yus, she gotsd a lotta flak fer this, cuz it is still no soshullee egseptid fer a hoomin moovie star to play aginst speeseez. But she wuz brayv an did the rigt thin, opnin up the possibiliteez fer othr actrz whu will follr her. It ar inspirin.

Ms. Berree also got lotsa othr thins in commin wift me, lik bein moslee black, an havin lotsa styl sens an verree sharp clawz. But she is eevn mor amayzin: she eevn got to be in a Jimbond moovie!!!

Huh. But I am werkin on that. I am currintlee in a plot-twist over at mai otherer blog, which is calld agenteightsspyjournal.blogspot.com, an kin be findid at the website listid below: http://agenteightsspyjournal.blogspot.com . Theez thins tayk tim. Sigh.

Granma’z in the Gaym Too!!!

Musashi Sez:

We has anothr winnr! Mai granma got the firstest 3 qwestshunz correct, eevn the ones mai granpa cudn’t get. Huzza, Granma!

Whut I not unnerstan is how com noboddee getting the las 2 qwestshunz rigt. I thingk it’s cuz they thingk I lik the saym stuffs as mai mom doez, but acshullee, I is a verree independint kittee. By telling yu how, I will gives yu hints. Cuz I’m not shur I got mor than them 3 reedrz. I thingk mebbee they are mai onliest onez. Cuz although mai mom does a whol lot of public relations werk, handin out mai cards to folks an lik that, verree few of them folks at MIT an her liberaytin theologee skool ar flooent in LOLCat. It a reel handicap when yu’r tryin to aksess Werld Litterachur.

Sigh. So I gives yu hints.

No, it not Danyul Craig. Yus, he wears lots of tuxeedoz, but I has not seen him yet in a movie wift a cat in it. Huh.

Similar, it not Casino royale, fer mosta the saym reezonz. Gud actrz, no kitteez.

An whil the plot of Cats & Dogs is cleerlee rivettin, the charaktrz are flat an the cinemomotographee is choppee. It had so mutch possulbilitee, too.

OK, folks, yu try agin.

We Haz a Sekund Winnr!!!

Musashi Sez:

We ar rollin in gas!!! We alreddee has a sekund winnr in the MUSASHI qwiz gaym. Mai frend Pamelr correctlee ansrd 3 and ½ qwestshunz.

1) What is Musashi’s nombr 1 fayvrit fud?
e) Toonr. But yu othr folks all nu that cuz of mai granpa.

2) What is Musashi’s fayvrit myoozik?
d) Miles Davis. Huh. Of cors. I don’t noe a singul kittee whu dozn’t lie wift hiz or her eyz half-clozd lisnen to this sweet jazz, wift our tails swayin bak an 4fth—hmm. How yu sez rrrrrr’p in Inglish?

“Langwidlee.” Whut a funnee werd.

3) What is Musashi’s fayvrit book?
c) The Fur Person. OK, folks, I wrytid a buk revyoo on this one a whil bak. Yu gots to pay attenshun. It is writid by May Sarton.

I not tell yu whut her half right ansr wuz, cuz that wud mayk it eezier fer yu to gess. NO GESSIN!!!

Yu keep tryin! We only gotz the lastest 2 qwestshunz to ansr, an then I kin tells yu about this Egstra Holee Fransis gy whu keeps on getting folks to bless me from a distins.

My purrz go out to Pamlr. Givz her a round of paws!

Our Firstest Winnr: Mai Granpa!!!

Musashi Sez:

Well, we has a firstest winnr of the MUSASHI qwiz gaym. Mai granpa correktlee answrd qwestshun nombr one, what is mai fayvritest fud: Toonr!

It nevr luk qwite as gud as in theez heer piktchrz, cuz it’s the kittee fud typ, egsept wen Mom lets me drink her toonr waddr, in which cays, it not luk lik theez at all, but it taysts pertee gud.

Thanks, Granpa, fer playin! Yu can haz mai evrlastin purrz!

Whu is goin to be our nextest winnr? Will it be YU?

Quiz about ME!

Musashi Sez:

OK. Now we goin to tayk a qwiz about ME. Wull, I sez “we,” but I meenz yu all. OK, got yer numbr 2 penslz reddee? Sharpind? Gud. Now put them down an put yer funnee hoomin fingrz on the keebord!

1) What is Musashi’s nombr 1 fayvrit fud?

a) Sammin
b) Spagetti
c) Cheerioz
d) Smok’d goota
e) Toonr

2) What is Musashi’s fayvrit myoozik?

a) That Jon Denvr fellr
b) ABBA
c) Ozzy Ozbern
d) Miles Davis
e) Lady Gaga

3) What is Musashi’s fayvrit book?

a) The Hobbit
b) Post-colonial Imagination & Feminist Theory
c) The Fur Person
d) The Lastest Unicorn
e) The Dicshunary

4) Whu is Musashi’s fayvrit moovee star?

a) Jaymz Dean
b) Hallee Berree
c) Daniel Crayg
d) Humfree Bogart
e) Invaydr Zim

5) Whut is Musashi’s fayvrit moovee?

a) Casino royale
b) Star Warz
c) Cats & Dogs
d) Casrblanca
e) The Preechr’z Wif

So, lik, if this wer 1 of them akademik qwiz typ thins, yu’d get 20% fer evree corekt ansr.

Send us yer ansrz (like ABCED) by comment below or by email. Sho us how mutch yu noez about our starrin writer gy, the elegint blak tuxedo kittee: MUSASHI!!!

Qwot of the Dae: “Tell me whut yu lovs an I tells yu whu yu ar.” --Somboddee or Othr.