Mai Many Skillz

Musashi Sez:

Well, I has been sittin around fer two monfts tryin to think of somthin to write about. Mom sez that her hero Xena sez, “I has many skillz.” She sed, “Whut kin you do wift that?”

So I asksed her whut kinda skillz do Xena has? Parently, Xena kin do head-bashing, an nerve-pinching, an yodeling, and also embroidery. I don’t do any of those things, in part because I is a peaceful sort of kitty person, but also because of not havin posable thumbs.  But Mom sez that I has mad skillz anyway,  because I kin leap three times my height an not everbody kin do that. Even Mom can’t if you kin believe it, but I bet Xena can.

Also I am very gud at Shiatsu, and runnin around in circles very fast, an also soccer as long as you are patient. Mom sez I play soccer the way most folks play pool, thinking about mai shot before I takes it. I am very strategic that way.

I kin also read books by osmosis, which means by sleepin on them. I learned lotsa stuff about theology that way when Mom was studying very hard. I kin color but not exactly inside the lines, because of that thumbs problem. And I kin do yoga like nobody’s business! Huh.

Pistachios, An Like That

 Musashi Sez:

So here is the quote Mom has gived me fer today, which is from mai buddy Shakespeare. “Yon Cassious hath a lean an hungree look. Such men are dangerous.”

Now, I know all about kittees being hungree on account of sometimes my fud bowl gets all empty, an then I has a sad. But it seem to me odd that some cashews wud be hungree, cuz they not got moufts or tummies, so to speak.

 

Pistachios, on the other hand, are very inneresting peoples, if yu believe all them fansee green TV commershuls about them and how yu gets them open. It seems to me that if all of these peoples is trying to get them open, mebbee it are not the nuts what are dangerous, it are all them peoples.

This Is Not a Writer Block

Musashi Sez:

So I has been suffrin from writer block lately. Every tim I sit on the keyboard to writ, Mom has insisted on goin on Facebbok to chek out her frendz and their writer block, or sometimes to watch videos of Colin Britt or Lucy Lawless, or dancing goatz an playin tigrz. All of this is sposed to inspriate me, but so far it hasn’t akshully worked.

Parently, mai grandmom says, “It all grist fer the mill,” but I say sometimes it don’t matter how much grist yu got, cuz the mill is on vacayshun.

Finally, Mom sugjested that she give me a quote an I kin just “improvise,” which is fansee theater talk fer “mayk stuff up.”

The firstest quote she gived me was “One, two, buckle yer shoe. Three, four, shut the door.” This strike me as a sillee quote to give me, a kittee. Fer one thing, I not wear shoes, although I has often thoughted that I might like some of them bright pink shower clogs fer when mai roommates leave puddles in the baftroom. Mai mom has some boots wift buckles on them but parently yu needs opposable thumbs to operate them buckles. And as fer closing doors, as a rule I doesn’t. I just opens them and charges through, or saunter through, or sometimes I slink through.

Mebbe tomorrer she will give me something more exciting, lik from that Shakespeare fella, or possible Napoleon.

A Pupu Platter Is Not Akshully What Yu Think

Musashi Sez:

So I has been hanging out wift Captain Crunch on some Polynesian Islands in Mom’s closet this week, an we has had lots of fun. We looked fer buried treasure, but all we found was innerestin smelling socks, most of which didn’t eevn match. So the captain told me stories about Tiki gods, whu are these little wooden guys wift big heads an little feets. Parently, they live on all these islands in the Seven Seas an so when they wants to visit each other they hops into a little boat an float over to their neighbor’s house on another little island. An since they mostly spends time in the boats an not walkin, their legs is small from not usin them like I does, fer jumpin on tables an like that.

 

Also they wear bright shirts wift flowrs. Mom gots a blue one. We’re tryin to find a pertee pink one in my size, but it seem like them Hawaiaain shirt websites discriminate against kitteez, which is perty dumb since tiki is just kittee inside out. Yu’d think they’d have lots of customers if they were smarter.

Oh yeah! An also they wear these perty necklaces made out of akshul flowers! An drink out of akshul coconuts! An they eets lots of pinapples, which if yu see a picture of one, yu wud think it was a made-up fruit, but parently, it akshullee exists. An that’s why they call it Polynesia, cuz “poly” is Greek for “lots” and “nesia” is Greek for “weird stuff.”

A Tropikul Vacation from Piratin

Musashi Sez:

Captain Crunch an me has becomed gud friends sinse the Fourth of July when we tuk tim off from figting to hide from all them fireworks explosions which were verree distractin an scary. Aftr we finished the 6-pack of root beers, he taught me a pirate song (he called it a sea-chantey), that went lik this:

O! The pirate’s life is very fine!

The gold that once was yours is mine!

Yo ho ho an a bottul of rum!

The pirate’s life is a lot of fun!

There was more stanzrs, but I fergetted them. An after each stanza we dance around and then fall down giggling, which I was akshully verree gud at, hnrf, hnrf, hnrf. I has a killer giggle.

So after all that hornpipin an giggling, me an Captain Crunch has decided to call off that whol figtin to the death thing that were planning on doin. Turns out this dancing stuffs is much more fun. Huh.

Our Cease-Fire fer Sword-Figtin

Musashi Sez:

Well, me an Captain Crunch were all “Have atchu!” an clacketty-clack an like that, but then Mom came home an reported that they had been putting the scary barge in the Charles River to prepare fer the Fourth of July Indpendence Day celrbrations. An that is nevr gud nooz to me! Like most of us 4-feeted folks, I finds LOUD POPPING AND BANGING NOIZEZ MOST DISCONCERTING!

So I talked to Mr. Crunch an he agreed we shud has whut the army folks call a “cease-fire” although I not noe what they call it if yu is using swords. But we hads that while mom went out to a barbecue.
 
She leftid root beers in the fridge fer us an we got quite merry. All that fizzy stuff in yer nose? Huh. Yu never eevn notis the annoyin LOUD NOIZES at all.

Figtin the Lastest Pirate!

Musashi Sez:

So we has been figtin evree day. Finally, there came the lastest pirate. He was smaller than the others an his coat was blue instead of red, so I figgered that he must be the captain. He had a sword just egzactkee lik mine.

I asksed him, “What’s yer naym, fierce pirate?”

“Ha ha!” he laugfed. “Crunch!

"Crunch?" sez I. "What kinda naym is that?"

“It’s mai naym, yu land-lover!”

“Whu yu callin a land-lover? I am Captain Musashi, an I am just as salty as the next sailor.”

“Musashi?” he sneered. “Whut kinda naym is that?”

“Ha ha!” I laugfed. “It the naym of Japan’s greatest swordsman! Have at yu!”

Then came the big swordfigt.

Me: Clack! Clatter! Ha ha!

Him: Clatter! Clack! Ho ho!

Me: Clacketty clacketty! Ha!

Him: : Clicketty clicketty! Ho!

So threre we was, balancing on the big crossbar at the top of the mast, smacking our wooden swords against each other. Then wift another “oh ho!” he swept his sword low at mai knees.