The Fox Guy an His Holrdae

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Musashi Sez:

Wull, I wuz goin to writ todae about baloonz an mai mom becoming a lefty, but then I suddinlee realized that it wuz Guy Fox Day in Inglund. This guy, whu wuz a fox, wuz planning on blowin up the Tower in Lundun wift som othr guyz, whu migt or migt not hav ben also foxiz. This wuz cuz the King at the tim wuz doin lotsa anti-fox lejislayshun.

(An yu has to unnerstan that wae bak then, all the kings wer boyz, cuz they has not ben compleetly enlighted then.)

Now, theyr plan to blow up the towr not has bombs, cuz they dint has bombs bak in thoz daes (this wus lik ovr a hunnert yeerz ago!!!). They not eevn has airplaynz, if yu kin bleev it!!! Instead, they wuz goin to yooz gunpowder. This meen that they hads to take lotsa bullets an yooz plierz to pull the lead bits out an por the gunpowder into their bom. Yu kin jus imajin how long it tayk fer a dozin foxez wift pliers to pull out the gunpowder frum hundreds an hundreds of bullets an por it all into theez big barrulz.

An this all tooks a long tim, which is why the govermint fellrs wer abul to caugtid them. An wen they caugtid them rebel foxiz, they conscripted lotsa horseez an horsmin an set them all after them. They chaysd them throo forests an across laynz an inneruptid the foxiz' tea-tim evree aftrnoon, which is kinda unforgivabul, if yu aksks me.

They eevn yoozed huntin hornz, eevn tho thoz thinz ar qwite skayree to heer. Huh.

So, cors, evnchoolee, they caugtid that guy, Fox and his frends (whu migtid or mightid not has ben also Foxiz), an they kilt them verree badlee, which is somthin governmints do wen they ar verree, verree upset.

An this part is whut I has the trubbul unnerstandin. Parentlee, to celerbrayt this historikkul eevent-thin, the Inglush peeples has effudgeez of that guy, Fox. They mayks models of him in Fudge, and they eets them. An then to burn off the calreez, they runz around in cirkuls, shoutin, “Kablang! Pow! Kerpoweeeee!” Somtimz they eevn has firwerks, to mayks the sounz mor convinsin.

I nevr sed the Inglush peeples maydid sens. Huh.

New Planz fer Holloween

Musashi Sez:

 

So I had orijinlee plannd on bein FrankenKitty fer Holloween. I figgerd I cud get one of them long scrooz out of mom’s toolbox an tie it to my collr, an run around sayin, “Ror, ror, ror!” But then I found out that Frankenstein was akshullee a doctr, an mom doesn’t haz a stethrscop fer me to wayr. She has this blod preshoor thin that is almos as big as me, an at first I figgrd that I cud drag that aroun an threaten to tayk peeple’s blod preshoor while I was sayin, “Ror, ror, ror,” to skayr them. Then I relized that if folks has the high blod preshoor, they shudn’t be scayrt lik that, cuz it not nice. I try to be considrit that way.

So then I thogtid about how mai mom has been lukin at clotheziz an joolree wift her frend Amandr. Maybe I cud be a fashun dezignr, lik that gy Eltin Jon whu haz all them sunglassiz, but I not lik singin, or even listenin to that TV sho, Glee, so I givd that ideer up, too.

Then we hadsd the big storm, an I wentid on the kapyootr to see about the damidge. Parentlee, lotsa bildins got damidged all over the plays. Roofs went flyin (kinda lik they did wen I was in Oz, resintlee) an trees threw their brantchiz at peoples (kinda lik mai frend Fanghorn in Middul Erth, wher I whuz resintlee too, tho I not sposed to tell yu about that). Also, som cars got all scrunched. An all this rebildin is goin to reqwire mor bilders to bild it all. An I thogtid, “AHA! That whut I do! I’ll be Bob the Bilder!!!”

This Bob fellr is veree optimalistical. If yu aksks him, “Can yu bild it?” he sez, “Yes, I can!” Also he got this cool yellr hat an a toolbelt. So now mom an me is figgrin out how to mayk me a toolbelt. She asked me whut kinda toolz I figgr I am goin to need. An I sed all I noe is that a claw clipper was NOT one of them. She asked me whut I wanted to bild. An I sed, “A bird feeder, so I kin watch the birdeez from clos up.”

So she sed she wud lend me a hammr an a scroo-dryver, but she aksked me how I wuz goin to yooz them in mai noo bildin compnee givin that I not has the posabul thumz. An I sed I wud hire sqwirrulz as contractrz an I wud hand them mai toolz to yooz.

She seemd verree impressed that I had thogtid it all throo so cayrful lik that. Huh. What she egspekt? We bildr typs is always measuring twice befor we cut twice. Ther even a book about it. I has not red it yet, but maybe I read it tomorrow wift mai littul yellr hat an mai toolbelt. Or sleep on it. Yus. I thingk that is a gud plan.

Also, in between mai naps, I kin practis maykin estimits, lik thees heer kitteez I findid on the kapyootr wen I wuz doin mai researtch. It turn out that a big part of bein a suksessful bildr is tellin peeples not to get their hopes up.

Weddinz an Tropkul Storms: Wheeee!!!

Musashi Sez:

Well, this has ben a bizee weekend an no mistayk. Mai mom has been gettin all dressd up an goin out to PARTEEZ fer her frend’s Pamlr’s weddin. (Pamlr is also mai frend.)

First ther wuz this partee wift just girlz. Of cors, I wud nevr want to go to a partee wift just girls, but if I did, I wud hav worn whut mai mom wored: black pants an shooz an jackit an a bright PINK shirt. I liks pink. An she brougtid bak BALLOONZ fer me. I had nevr met BALLOONZ befor. I still not noe whut to do wift them, eevn tho they camd down from the ceelin finallee.

Then ther wuz the weddin, an agen mai mom wored a lotta black, which allus mayk me purr, an also a green jackit, which not so much. An she caym back VERREE TIRED, but our roommaytes wuz havin with the storm partee, so we din’t get to sleep as much as we wantid to, also cuz of the “bloody stoopid toilit.” (Mom’s terminolojee.)

Then this morning, she gits up and dressis aneehow (I not care as much fer red an tan, tho the black pants is nice. I allus liks it better when she luks lik me!!! That calld “jeanettiks.” Huh.)

Then she came bak wift the last bus to run across town and we sleepd fer 4 horz, cuz we boft so verree TIRED, agen.

Now we is rukoopratin. An we gots the tim to do it becuz of mai Granma, whu is naymd SANDY. She sendid us a REELLEE COOL TROPIKUL STORM, an it shut down BOSTON, (which is wher we livs) almos comPLEETlee.

So Congratulations to Pamelr and her husbind, Robert, whu it turn out akshullee exist (altho Mom din’t think so fer lik 17 yeerz, which is like a sentooree an mor in kittee years).

An Thankyu GRANMA Sandy!!! Cuz wen the storm end, I not getting so much companyunship in mai nappin fer a while. Huh.

 

Happy Birftdae, Granpa!

Musashi Sez:

Well, it turn out that yestrdae was my granpa’s birftdae, an if mai mom is to beleevd, he turnd elebentee!!! I asksked her how old that is an she sez, “Well, he doesn’t jump up on the taybul lik he used to.” This is too bad, cuz it meen he has to eat on the floor, I guess. I used to do that befor that whol armee of antz came to march around in the kitchin. (Stoopid antz!) And now I eats on the table, which is conveenyunt, because peoples not step on mai tail when I am eating. But granpa doesn’t have a tail, so I guess he is okay.

Also yestrdae was United Nayshunz Dae, so we should probabul dig up the perty blue flag and wave it around a bit an yell, “Hoorah!”

An then we kin start figgerin out what to be fer Holloween. If you has suggestchuns, you just send them rigt here! Thankyu.

Bak from Mai Unegspektid Vacayshun

Musashi Sez:
 

Wull, hullo, foks. I iz back (an so is Mr. Tygr). But we can’t tell yu wher we went cuz these govermint gyz in blak soots mayd us promis not to. Parently, the werlds we wentid to in the seventh dimenshun wer kinda Top Seecrit, an if you aksks me, that jus goes to sho yu how mutch trubble yu kin get into when yu are relyin on bunneez to narrate yer story.

Huh.

So I’m bak, an it look lik Mom isn’t goin to let me out of her sigt agin fer quite a while. Yu noe how it is, “You not writ, you not call, you not email me! How was I knowin wher you wuz?” Like that. An then in the middul of it she swoops me up an givs me mor hugs. AGEN. Oddly, she not do that to Mr. Tygr, but he says he’s OK wift that, cuz ther is less of him fer her to hug, an anywae he got quite enugf of that stuff when we were bicycling around on Saturn.

Cuz of that whol govermint conspirasee thin, I not allowed to tell yu about all the fansee playsis I vizitid or the flyin monkees an lik that. So if yu has particler thins yu wants me to writ about, yu let me noe, an I will get rigt on that.

Bunneez Sayvs the Day

Musashi Sez:

Wull there, we wuz in that non-Narnean world when I says to my buddee Mister Tygr, I says, “Why we not try anuthr werld?”

And he says, “Okey-dokey!”

An so we changiz werldz, but when we gets to the outsid of the pub in this nu werld, we seez a bunch of bunneez hangin around. An they tayks one luk at us an they sez: “Hey, are yu gyz immergrints?”

An we sez, “Who’s akskin?”

An they sez, “Yu looks imergrintish. Lik you migt need a plot.”

An we looks at eetch other an we sez, “Huh.”

An they sez, “Cuz we doin a two fer one sale on plots. It cost twenty-five cents.”

An I put my hed together wift Mr. Tygr and we figgrs that we only got nineteen cents, tops. So Mr. Tygr sez, “We hasn’t got enugf fer two whol plots. What yu charj fer jus one?”

An the bunneez put their heds together and mutter among theirselvs. An one says, “Twelve cents fer just one.”

So we hands her the script we has been follerin fer the past coupla monfs, an they looks it over an sez, “Wull, this is gotta be one of the werst plots we seen in a while, but we still onlee charje you twelve cents. But you are goin to get the most leestest innerestin plot  we has in our bunnee clozit.”

“We’ll tayk it!!!” sez us.

“Eh, voila!” sez the bunnee wift the beret on his hed. “Git on the bus, an we tayks yu to yer nu an improovd plot!”

We Triez Agen, Agen

Musashi Sez:

Wull, thingz not go so gud in Plot Land. I ben lyin on mai Pink Thinkin Rug and mai Pink Thinkin Towl, an I jus can’t figgr out how to mayk this plot thin work. See we hadz theez grayt piktchrz of me fightin the Wickid Witch of Westport, but we cudn’t figgr out how, cuz that Dorthee gal alreddy landed a hous on her sistr, an she out of boft sistrz and prezoomable, houses.

So now we ar goin to hav to see if we kin find us a Wormhol to Narnia, or failin that, hom.

We has been sorree to disrpoint, but * SIGH * Mom wuz rigt. Plots is hardr than they luks.

Next time I go off, I’m goin to bring my writer bunnee frend. An also a compass.