All That Julee Myoozik

Musashi Sez:

So theez past fyoo daez, mai mom haz ben singin funnee myoozik, wift leeriks lik, “Shal 2 nigts nevr tilt fer me, an let their blud be spilt fer me: O wher ar a maydinz simpl joyz?”

This, I has to sae, confuzzlz me. How kin a nigt has blud to split? An I has herd of this mideevil tilting an jousting typ stuff, but whut that got to do wift dae an nigt?

An why she worreein about this now? I meen, itz Joon, fer cryin out lowd. Whut is it about the treez flowrin and the bugz buggin an lik that which seem to eelissit sutch a straynj re-akshun frum her?

She SEZ that it is about this “Unleeshin Our Voysiz” class that she is taykin. That she has ben lik a doggee, barkin wift a verree low voys indeedy, fer, lik, evr. An hoomin gyz ar not gud at tranzlaytin that into “I iz a verree lovlee laydee, harrumph.” An also, she sez, singing only 1 octave at a tim is a reel drag.

Wull, I not totallee get the whol gy thing, cuz altho I iz a gy, that whol hoomin cultchur thing is a BIG MISTREE. But I doz get that, yu noe, wen yu is on the bak fens, singin yer hart out, it is verree nys if a fyoo peeplez unnerstan, an mebbe sheds a teer or joinz in wift the singin.

An I suspex that ther iz lotsa kitteez whu needs their voysiz to be unleeshd, or at leest temporirarilee uncollared. An mai Mom I is jus egzaktlee the kinda person whu, whethr yu iz hoomin or non-hoomin, she don’t cayr, cuz she jus wanna heer yer voys. It don’t matter whether yu identify wift peeplz whu moslee showz their skin or moslee showz their furr: she sez, whut if yer God hadz the furr? Whut if yer God luk egzaktlee lik yu?

AND (this the hard part)

Whut if yer God lookt lik yer predator?

A Nominous Poskard

Musashi Sez:

Wull todae I gottid a nominous poskard frum Nabraksa, which is somplays in Merika. It wuz writid in crayon so whuevr cudnt writ mutch. It sed, “Wer braykin out. Cud yooz halp. Send 8 an say sorree.”

Send 8 whut? Cupcayks? Swiss Armee Nivz? An send them wher?

Iz verree misteeryus…

Stalkin the Liddul Blak Horsies

Musashi Sez:

So mai mom ben sleepin reellee bad in the heet an then weerd stuffs happin in her hed. See, ther ar theez liddul blak horsies whu com an rid aroun on her pillo in the erlee mornin wen it’s uzual jus me an the birdeez outsid singin. They ar outsid. I am a indoor kittee. But now that mom has the Nigt Mayrz, I has to be up an doin in a sereeyus wae, doin the Hokee-Pokee on them horsies’s heds, an pattin mom on arm to mayks her feel betterer, an then beetin the pillo agen to mayk shur ther no horsies left.

It is a veree sereeyus pozishun. It mayk me so tired I has to sleep all dae to get my Vim bak. But sins I moslee sleeps all dae aneewae, I is purfict fer the job.

Nombrz, Lots of Them

Musashi Sez:

So todae my Gramma an Granpa has ben mareed fer, lik, 49 yeerz!!!

Mom an me puttid our fingrz an toez togethr an we still cudn’t get all thoz yeerz. We onlee gottid about 27 or 28. But then Mom’s frend Eljay comd ovr to halp wift the cleenin an we borro’d all of her fingrz an a cupla her toez

So now I noe how manee is 49. An also the kitchin an baftroom is veree shinee.

LOV

MUSASHI

Anothr Richool

Musashi Sez:

So yestrdae we did anothr of them end-of-spring richoolz. Mom shovvuld all the payprz off the dining rooom taybul an puts them on the carpit in lotsa littul pylz: skool, billz, re-syklin, an the tallest pyl, calld missulaynius. This a veree importinit richool, which bring order, gud luk, an lik that, to folks whu doez it.

Natchrullee, I halped, by lyin an one of them pylz, which was lookin shiftee. But I puttid that rigt. Huh.

Whut yu folks NOT perpayrd fer is mai gran-folks 49th annrverseraree.

That is comin reel soon, so get reddeee.

MUSASHI

End-of-Spring Richoolz

Musashi Sez:

Todae is the beginning of the end of spring. So this lik the 12 Daez of Crismuss fer the befor-summr crowd.

Fer instins, I sillee-braytid this mornin at Sun-Riz* by dansin the Hokee-Pokee on mai Mom’z hed. She wuz veree gud about the whol thin, cuz she unnerstan richoolz. Parentlee, the Hokee-Pokee orijinaytid from this Ceiling Cat servis-thin frum the Middul Ayjiz, wen they sedz, “Hokee-pokee, heer com Jeezus.” An the peeplz whu wuz bizee prayin ther lookt up to see.

This is tru. I noe cuz mai mom tookt a class about Ceiling Cat Richoolz wift this gy Rick McCall, an I sleepd on her books.

So if yu gits a chans tomorrer morning, yu noez whut yu needz to do: Yu puts yer lef paw in, yu tayks yer lef paw owt, yu puts yer rigt paw in an yu shayks it all about. An lik that. Wift all yer paws, an yer hed, an eerz, an tayl.

Then it’s offishul the beginnin of the end of spring.

*Aroun egzaktlee 4:37 a.m.

Cinco de Meow, an Othr Stuffs

Musashi Sez:

Wull the dae afor yestrdae wuz Cinco de Meow, the dae wen, if yu livs in Meksiko, yu’r sposta be all graytful fer yer 9 lives. An yu eets cookeez wift skellingtons on them. I thingk it the heet that they gets in Meksiko that mayks them eet skellington cookeez. It make them stretch out egstra doorin their siestas and their brains gets a littul meltee.

Meenwhil, mai mom is workin on a noo projekt, this one on eekologee. This is lik how she com hom havin learnd about the Grayt Pasifik Garbudg Patch an she sez, “Eeek eek, hoominz is jus bad peepulz!!!!” An then I has to talk her down.

Then, wen she gets a littul calmr, she scoop me up an hug me an puts her noez aginst my tummee an muttrs about how I’m her buddee an she will sayv the werld fer me, an lik that.

Som daez is hardr werk than othrz, bein a kittee, that’s all I’m sayin.

Aneewae, I incuridgez her to werk on her eekolojee projekt, as it migt mayk her less scayrd of hoomin peepulz. I NOT wants her scardypants of hoominz. Hoominz is the peepulz what mayks kittee fud, an littr, and moussee toyz an lik that. So I werks to let her gets mor curridge.

Eevn if it meen she squeez me an talks to my tummee…. Huh!