Whu This Waltr Mittee Gy?

Musashi Sez:

So mai mom is tellin me I’m jus lik that Waltr Mittee. But he is not lik Jim Bond or that CIA laydee, Victorier or Valereir or whuevr.

He is mor like Snoopee (the doggee), whu have lots goin on all the tim. He is alwaes bein a Werld War 1 flyin ays or a rays car dryvr, or a lawyr, or astronot, or Beegul Skout, or inshurins saylzman, or somthin egsytin lik that.

So why I am lik this Waltr gy instead of Snoopee, I don’t noe. Cuz Waltr is a hoomin gy, an Snooppee is a doggie gy, an sins I walks on all 4s somtims—ok, mos of the tim—I thingk I’s mor like Snoopee.

Somtimz, mom is jus weerd. That’s all.

Enterin the Innernashunul Siblingeree

Musashi Sez:

The coolist thin about lernin to be a spy is that suddinlee I is a membr of a innernashunul siblingeree, wift bruthrz an sistrz all ovr the wurld. I ben gettin poscards an telleegramz wift messudjiz like: “Dirmu sashi allth ebest .STOP Yrfrn
dbond jmzbo ndSTO P….” Bob the Maylman thingk it’s kinda weerd, but I has mom tatch them to the erfidjieator wift magnets, along wift her poscards from egsitin placiz like Switzerlund, Italee, an Albanee. Oh, an also Londin an Vermont.

Cleerlee, mai mom is cozmapolitin, but I’m catchin up!

An theez nys nots is comin from not onlee British an Merikan peeples, but also from Artch-Ryvul Spy Typs. I got a poscard from Dr. Woof: “Ajint 8, I luks forward to figtin yu paw to paw. DW.” I wuz qwyt tutchd. Is almos lik we got mor in commin wift eetch othr than wift the gy down at the Petco.

An of cors, I also got nys messudjiz from folks in The Servis (yu gots to writ it lik this, tho I’m stil not shur wai…). An ajint whu I rispekt (but whu I kin’t naym fer reezins of confidenshialitalitee) tol me not to worree about mai spellin. He sez, “As far as consistc gos thats for smal mines.”

I respekts his opinyon. An jus so yu gets a tayst of mai noo lyf, I show yu zampul of the kinda cod I werk wift now. But don’t trai to reed it if yu aren’t a spy, cuz it’ll mess wift yer hed.

OKbai.

Coded Messudj: NOT FER YU!!!

deera jint4 9than xfero ffrin halpm oslee Imoko nthew ashin stuff butal lthem hoomi npeep lessp eekin germi nisfr eekin meout pleez advyz

Mai Osmosis

Musashi Sez:

As mos hoomin peeples whu liv wift kittee peeples noe, kitteez do mos of their lernin by nappin on books an “printouts” an lik that. This follo from Rul #14: If yu’r doin it, we’r sleepin on it. Wiftout that rul, kitteez migt not hav becom the rulrz of the wurld that we ar. At the verree leest, we probabul wud not hav lernd neerlee so mutch.

Anneewae, durin this week wen I am bizzee lernin as mutch as I kin fer mai secret mishun, I am doin a lot of this lernin by osmosis. (Prezumabul, Mosis lernd his 10 Commands from God jus lik this, sleepin on them big roks wift the writin. We ar luckee in the 21st centuree to hav paypr to be sleepin on. Evn them hard-covr books is comfortabuler than big rocks.)

The books that “M” sent me ar the baysiks: Survaylins fer Kitteez, Countr-Monnee-Washin fer Kitteez, Licktenshtyn on $1000 a Day, an Gettin to Noe Yer F146 Camra-Collr. I also tryd nappin on Licktenshtyn: Brayv Countree of Mountenz!, but it was so borin, I fell off the couch in mai sleep.

Rigt now I am sleepin as fast as I kin, cuz I noe that tomorro or the dae aftr, I’ll be getting mai quipmint from “Q” an so I’ll hav to sleep on Gettin to Noe Yer Micro/Paw-Drivn Layzr Cuttr. I’m thingkin that mom won’t be too happee about it, so I migt hav to hid it unner a couch pillo or somthin….

An mebbe this the downsid of spyin. Shur, yu gets the egsotik lifstyl, the grayt fud, an hart-skramblin dangr. But yu also has to puts up wift deseet an lik that.

This deep stuff. I got to be taykin a nap now. Nigt.

Not Apollojetik

Musashi Sez:

Som of yu reedr peeples ben complaynin about mai spellin again, so I figgerd I wud writ yu a verree stiff not. Mom sez I cud call it an “apollojetik” cuz I am speekin in defens of mai pozishun. She sez thoz old Greek gyz inventid the ideer, so I spoz it’s based on that god-fellr, Apollo, whu was prettee gud at talkin an singin. But is sillee. Apollojee is wen yu haz to say “sorree.” An I am not sorree about mai spellin.

1 of mom’s frends sez mai spellin is awful, an I has desydid to beleev she reellee meens awsom, like inspirin “Awww!” from peeples cuz they’r so impressd. Mai granma keeps sayin that I shud “praktis mai spellin,” but is sillee, cuz I am praktissin all the tim! She sez, “Whut ar peeples goin to thingk? Yer mom is a Inglish teetchr an she spozd to check yer spellin. An it luk lik this?” (I’m whut mom callz parafrazin heer, OK?)

See writin tayks lotsa tim. That’s why somtimz I don’t publish mai blog everdae. Cuz somtim mom is too bizee graydin her students payprs to tayk the tim we need to argyoo ovr ever wurd. Lik this:

Mom: How manee tim I tell yu? “Might” got an H in it.

Musashi: How yu noe? All yu heers is the M, I, an T. I jus throws in the G cuz yu lik it an it look lik a kittee tail.

Mom: Yu don’t beleev in dikshunareez, do yu?

Musashi: Cors not. Somtim nex yeer I’m goin to writ mai own dikshunaree. Yu kin hav yers, an I’m havin myn.

Mom: Well, kin yu at leest be consistent an spell the saym wurd the saym wae all the tim?

Musashi: I spell it how I feel it at the tim. Som wurds mayk me feel happier on Toozdaes than they do on Windzdaes.

Mom: OK. Fergit the apollojetik. What yu ar writin is, ahem, “An Epistemological Study of Empathetic Orthographical Reform (Feline Dialect).”

Musashi: Wow. I had no ideer I was so smarteepants…

Now we do this fer evree wurd. So yu'r all jus luckee we evr finish theez blogs at all.

Mai Promoshun!

Todae Ms. Dench sae mai teetchrz yoonanimously votid fer me to skip rest of traynin an go on a praktis mishun!

Mai Khemistree teetchr wanted me to go somplaes calld Norftkoreer, an mai parashootin teetchr wanted me to go to Norftpol, but Ms. Dench sed we’d start wift Licktenshtyn, sins I alreddee nappd on lotsa books about it, an she thingks it's the kin of mishun that needz a kittee'z tutch. An if I do reellee well, she's goin to put me in IS, the Inter-Speciez divizhun.

So I got a week off to perpayr, an then I starts mai spyin!!!

Seekret Traynin—Dae 4

We had feeld dae todae, but ther was not volleeball or piknik. Sted, we had to junp out of playn. (Gud thin mom didn’t noe, cuz she’d freek.)

Luckee I caym perpayrd. See, parashoots reqwyr thumz. This a problim fer me. So I had to be sneekee. I figgerd, at Spy Skul, mebbe they gives me points fer sneekee.

So wen the first gy wuz gettin reddee to junp, I sed, “Oop. I gotta go to littr box agen!” an I sneekd to pilot’s kabbn. I wippt out the hankee wift the klorphyl on it, nokt out the pilot, flipt opn mai copy of Flyin C-17s fer Kiteez, an took ovr flyin. The co-pilot didn’t eevn notis. That how gud I am. Huh.

They wer serchin all ovr fer me, an eevn yelld at the pilot fer not havin his parashoot, but by that tim, I’d landed the playn.

Aftr the teetchrz finishd yellin at me, Ms. Dench sed, “Musashi, what are we goin to do wift yu?”

Somtim, she souns jus lik mai mom. Well, egsept a whol lot classier…

Seekret Traynin—Dae 3

Spyin’z hard. We has these classiz wift a blakbord an chok, an we can’t eevn plae wift the chok! Huh.

So I curld up an was nappin fer a whyl, an teetchr got all crankee. He wayk me up an aksks me qwestshuns lik, “What’s propr yoos of klorophyl fer putting enermeez to sleep?” Wull, of cors I noe the answerz, cuz I ben nappin in the libraree, in the Applied Khemistree sekshun.

But that onlee mayd teetchr eevn mor crankee. He sed he’d writ a “verree stiff not” to Ms. Dench, an that soun lik Brittish wae of sayin he’z goin to complain about me.

2 of mai classmayts sez I shud be mor diplomatik, but it don’t seem fayr to sassinayt the teetchr just cuz he has crankee.

Huh. Skul is verree hard wen yu’r a natchural.