Seekret Traynin—Dae 2

Mai trayernz sez I got gud Instinks, but I gots to lern Judjmint.

I thingk this is cuz I ran up the big old ok tree an down agin befor the hoomin gyz eevn got their sayftee geer on, but then I rubbd aggenst Ms. Dench’z ankulz, purrin, an mebbe that wuzn’t gud ideer.

Mayd sens at the tim. Huh. This spyin hardr than it luk.

Seekret Spy Traynin—Dae 1

So MI6 hasn’t egsaktlee sed they’r taykin me yet. I has to “go on a cors of traynin” first. But alreddee I lernd som vokabyoolaree:

Data Gatherin: Spyin.
Data Confermayshun Activateez: Spyin on othr spyz.
Diplomatik Innervenshun: Spyin an sassinaytin.
Esbionazh: Mor spyin.
Red Tayp: Nothin iz getting don about this til Cristmus, if yu’r luckee.
Survaylins: Watchin foks.
Survaylins Qwipmint: Stuff lik peraskops an opra glassz. Also, collr camraz. (I can’t wayt to get myn!!!)
Traynin Orientayshun: Fillin out payprz. Is lik red tayp, egsept wift a #2 pensil.

Mai Praktis Mishun

Musashi Sez:

Mom sez I shud start small wift mai spyin, so I asksed Ms. Dench to send me to this littul playse calld Lick-ten-shtyn. It is nex to Switzerlun an it has a big problin wift hoomin peeples bringin their monnee to be washd. Wai they can’t wash it at hom, I dunno, but parently, this is problim.

Mai granpa has workd wift this problim heer in the Amerika. Neer as I kin figger, wen you washiz yer monnee, the green stuff fayd so it hard to see how mutch is werth. Ms. Dench sez they been washin thoz Inglish pound payprs so mutch, she can’t hardly see the numbrz anyeemor. So I gotta go in an see what I kin do.

But is a big seekrit, so don’t tell noboddee, OK?

Kthxbai.

Almos 008.

Shaykin, Not Bein Stirrd

So I ben thingkin lots about bein a innernashunull fynanseer or possibul a spy. Mai frend Pamaler sed she thingk I’d “probably be a good spy, as long as you don't fall asleep on the job.” Huh. As if I wud.

An aneewae, I ben seein thoz Jaymz Bond mooveez, an he spend lotsa tim in bed. So cleerlee, that not somthin that kin keep yu from bein a reellee gud spy. Espeshul cuz hoomin peeples see kittee peeples sleepin an they thingks that we arn’t payin attenshun. But is eezee to keeps 1 eye opn from tym to tym to keep trak of, fer instins, bad gyz.

An eevn if hoomin peeples (or eevn doggee peeples) run past us, they nevr egspekt us to notiss them. Huh. Stoopid peeples.

I ben praktissin mai spyin skilz in the windo all yeer. I kin tell yu all about Bob the Maylman, an the foks acros street whu has doggeez, an the funnee “joggerz” an lik that.

So wen I fill out applikayshun fer MI5, they goin to be all ovr me. I be “008” in no tym.

Mor Thogts on Mai Perfeshun

Musashi Sez:

So, I ben aksksin mai mom if I kin hav a ponee so I kin praktis mai rydin fer mai nu kareer as kittee herder, an then mai sekund kareer as a cowboy moovee star, but she sez that poneez is reel ekspensiv, eevn mor ekspensiv than kitteez, cuz they needs oats an hay an fansee metul shooz an speshul persnal traynrz to teetch them to run around in cirkulz correkt. An sombuddee, probabl sombuddee wift thumz, needz to shovl out theyr poop, an they poop lotz mor eevn than me an her combind!!! An altho mom shovl myn out fer free (cuz she lov me), hyrin hoomin peeples fer shovlin ponee poop cost a lotta monnee. Huh.

So okay. Plan B (that meen sekkund plan, fer all yu kittees whu dont noe yer ABCz yet). Sins poneez to praktis rydin an herdin kittees wift ar so ekspensiv, I ben tryin to figger mai othr assts. The mos yoosful 1 I kin see iz mai fur. See, not lik som kittees, whu dressiz in tweed or strypeez, I allus dressiz in tukseedo. I got whyt ty an whyt cucumberbun. That mayk me classee kittee an set me up up fer som veree re-myoonerativ kareerz.

I tell yu how I lern this. See, this las week mai mom ben reedin Nobul Hous, a novul about the littul iyland call Hongkong. I ben sleepin on her book, but is verree thik, so is not so eezee to follo. Lucky, mom haz the Netflik, so we ar also watchin the moovee, an it hav Peers Brosnin, whu mom sez is kyuut, so she watch it verree cayrful.

In this moovee, lotsa gyz weyr the tukseedo, jus lik me. I aksks mom, What theyr job that they weyr the tukseedo?

She sez, wull, som is Inner-nashunull Fynanseers, wift lotsa monee flyin around. An som is spyz.

Huh, sez I. Yu dont say…

Choozin Mai Perfeshun

Musashi Sez:

Mai cuzzin Bekka has problim. She tryin to figger out what she goin to be when she grow up, an she figgr it all haz to do wift wher she go to colledj. I has strong feelin fer her, cuz I am tryin to figger out mai fyutcher too.

Mai mom keep sayin that Bekka shud go to a libral artz collidj an jus trai a buntcha stuff, but Bekka is what yu cud call fussee: she need to noe now what she goin to do fer, lik, lotsa years. An I get that, cuz I figger, if I can’t plan at leest a yeer or 2 in advans then I’m goin to be SO BEHIND that it isn’t eevn worft tryin to catch up. Cuz, yu noe, kittees, we onlee liv fer lik 10-15 yeers. So 2 yeers is a liftym.

Still, mai mom insist that Bekka will probabul becom a bonfitz fuzzler (mom’z spellin, not myn!). I sez, what is a bonfitz an how does yu fuzzl it? She sez she don’t noe, cuz it hazn’t ben inventid yet. I can't tell if she’s bein seeryus or if it’s a meddafor. (She is a po-et, aftr all, an they is pron to meddaforz.)

So anneewae, I has perty mutch desydid to becom a kittee herdr. I saw on YuToob how it is a rugf an ruggid job an differkult to do, but yu gits to be frends wift buntcha tougft guyz whu kin carree a kittee (eevn a Mayn Coon Kittee!!!) on they’r saddulz. An yu eetz korfee and beenz all the timz, an that gotter be betterer than kittee cruntcheez.

Mom sez, “Well, if that whut yu wantz…” lik ther’z somthin betterer, but I seen that moovee, Sittee Slikkerz, an I noez that yu gots to fokuss.

If yu wantz to see how all yu kin be, yu gotz to go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWymXNPaU7g&NR=1

Puss an Boots an Antonio

Musashi Sez:

Som stuff that mai mom liks is jus stoopid, lik gittar myoozik (she lernd 2 whol kordz so far), an Snoopee whu is a doggee, an baklava (don’t aksk me).

But somtim she gets theez mooveez in red paypr onvelops, an they not all bad. Ther iz this 1 guy whu is perty cool. He iz from Spayn, an so he play lotsa rolls wher he hafta speek wift a Spaynish aksent. Somtimz they’r sad. I don’t lik thoz. But he wuz also in Shrek II as Puss In Boots, a great Kittee Heero. So I gives him 2 whol starz, cuz how manee hoomin peeples is willin to play the grayt kitteez of our tym? I thingk that thoz akterz ort to get a award, lik how they gets Oskarz, an Obeez, an Toneez, an stuff. I rekkamend a new award. We cud call it the Moocheez, after Mooch from the comik strip Mutts. They wud get a big gold statchu of Mooch hangin from a tree brantch, cuz I thingks that’s whut happins when they agreez to play a cat.

So I nominenayt ANTONIO BANDERAS as getting the First-Ever GOLDEN MOOCHEE AWARD fer his pertrayal of a kittee in the big sinerma-film industree thing.