Becomin a Art Critik

Musashi Sez:

So I had desiderayted to studdee art instead of histree, which, aside frum the running an jumpin an shootin peeples, turns out to be kinda borin. But I notisst that all them battles an things had art piktchurz drawn about them, an that got me innerestid in art.

But it turn out that ther are lotsa kindsa art. Ther ar purformans art, which is lik peeple dansin an playin statchoo, and purtendin it all verree meeninful. Ther ar paintinz, lik the onez I has ben sharing wift yu fer mai histree entreez.

An ther ar Krayonz, which are the art I liks best. I eevn writs my blog wift them and drawrz the kindsa piktchurz I want mai mom to find on Googul Imijiz fer the blog. I writed this blog in green and bloo. That giv mai mom a sens of the eemoshunz I want to convay wift mai spellin. She seez how seeryus or sillee I am bein an then she piks out the spellin that will convay that bestest.

An ther are eevn arts wift peeples foldin paypr or kittehs, an maykin verree egsytin dezynz. This is not somthin kitteez do natchurlee, as the lak of disposable thumz mayk it hard to fold stuffs. So we has to leev this to the hoomin peeples if we is egspectin them to fold the fansee peesiz of paypr. Altho, if we wants to do kittee foldin, we kin do that ourselfs, cuz we are verree whut they calls flexsibbul.

But it turnz out that the peeples whu are the mos powerful in the Art Werld aren’t the artistes therselves. It ar the art Critiks, whu gets to complain about the art or say how wonnerful it is. They writs seeryus nots in their notbuks an then the artists eethr get ritch or suffr a lot an then mayks betterer art. At leest, that whut it soun lik frum my resertch.

So I figger, mebbe I kin beom a Art Critik. They’ll hav the Musashi Skool of Art Critikism, an peeples will has to not onlee say whut they thingks about the art, but they will also has to yooz mai creaytiv spellin.

But eevn if I stays a Merican Histreean, or possibul a ponee-ridin cowboy kittee, it turn out that Art isn't just about puttin somthin innerestin on paypr or in a myoozeeum. Lif kin be artistical, lik wen I, as a byooteeful blak kittee do whut they callz "strikin a poz," whutever that meen. Cuz them Frentch artistes has ben drawrin piktchurz of kitteez lik me fer hunnerds an hunnerds of yeers. An if that don't mak it ART, I doesn't noe whut does. 

Washinton Crossin That Rivr

Musashi Sez:

Okay, now we back to the 1770s, that crayzee tim in the Merican Revolooshun wen Disco Dansin was veree popyoolar, don’t asksk me why.

So the British had put the big taxes on the tea an the Merican colonists had gotten reellee hyped up on the coffee an started shootin the British, particlerlee heer in Boston, ovr on the Bunkr Hill. The British had to run away and so we chased them to Qebec, which is in Canada if yu kin beleev it, but it was verree cold ther, an the British had frends hidin in a fort an they chased us back souft again.

So Gorge Washinton put on his fansee yooniform an sed, “C’mon, Boyz! Up an at ‘em!” eevn tho it wuz Christmas Eve, nine monfts layter. An they all jumpd into a big canoo an sailed across the Rivr in lik Delawayr or Baltimor or somplays lik that. An they LEAPED! on the British from behind, cuz fer som reezon, the British wuz lookin the othr wae. And they winned!!!

An to celrbrayt, they had a big disco dans all wintr, wift the shiny light ball, eevn tho they din’t have mutch fud. An then they tuk bak Philrdefia, an som playsiz eevn furthrer souft. Altho I think that caym laytr.

I am getting bord wift histree now. I thingk I’m goin to go lern som stuff about Art. Huh.

Hysteria Ar a Bad Thing

Musashi Sez:

OK, I promisd to tell yu about the Salem Witch Trialz, which happened not far frum wher I liv. Ther wer som girlz whu got overegsytid an started sayin that othr folks livin in Salem wuz witches whu wer putting evil spellz on them. They jumped up an down an were foamin at the mouft lik a doggee whu has gottid bit by a rabid raccoon or somthin.

Now, sins this was bak in the tim when those relijus fellrz wuz runnin New England, they had to send fer som judges whu cud lissen to the evidens and then hang folks when they desydid that they wer guiltee. An som admitted to bein witches and they din’t get killt. Which not mayk mutch sens, reellee.

But what wuz eevn worser is that if yu livd wift a blak kittee, peeples wud say yu wuz a witch. They thogtid that blak kitteez wer familyrz, which meen that they noez yu verree well, tho I not clear on how that mayks yu a witch. So it wuz a scaree tim to be a laydee wift a blak kittee, so I'm glad that mom an me wuz bornd three hunnert yeerz laytr.

Cuz, luckily, nowadaes, we ar mutch mor open-mindid. Peeple can be witches if they wants an we not kills them. Also, wen othr peoples starts runnin around an sayin othr peoples is witches, we doesn’t automatical assoom that they’r rigt. Except fer that one tim in the 1950s, but I tell yu about that laytr, cuz if I tells yu now, I nevr goin to get throo the whol Merican Revolooshun, an I noe that yu is lookin forward to that.

Why Merika Run on Duncan an the Bucks

Musashi Sez:

Wull, I has toldid yu about all them relijus types whu started Merika cuz they wanted their freedom to worship Ceiling Cat in their own wae, wiftout othr peoples tellin them whut to do. (An it occur to me that I forgettid to tell yu about the Salem witch trials, but I do that laytr, OK?) So now I goin to tell yu about the othr big thin that started Merika, and that ar taxis. This not the state wift the folks in the big hats, or the cars with the little ligts on top whut tayks yu to the airport. This the thing wher wen the gobermint want to build a road they mayks yu pay money for somthin that is not a road, lik buks or kittee toys. (This is gobermint lojik fer yu.)

So now we getting up to 1773. Wae bak in Inglund, the King was tryin to get money to pay fer his war in Yoorup, an his own folks was getting crankee about payin. So he sed he wud get money from his “othr subjects,” the coloneez, which include the Unitee States, although at the tim they wasn’t states or unitee. So he put a tax on the tea that his ships brogtid to Merika, an he wudn’t let anybodee else bring tea to Merika, altho the Dutch folks somtim smuggld tea in.

Wull, Merika was still Inglish at the tim, an them Inglish do loves their tea. But the Sons of Libertea, who were arguing that tea ougt to be free (an hense the naym) got really mad. They started coffee shops, so Merikans wud has somewhere to go to do their homework whil drinkin hot stuff wift caffeen. This mayk the British mad, cuz they wasn’t sellin enugf tea. Sam Adams wuz mad cuz peoples wasn’t drinkin his beer, cuz they likd the coffee so much. An the tea sailsmen wer mad cuz they had ships at the port in Boston, where the Boston folks weren’t letting them get their teabags out of their ships to sell unless they paid the Boston governr the money they hadn’t ernd yet from the tax.

So Sam an his frends dressed up as Indyuns an yoozed lots of gloo to put their hair up in purpl Mohawks an they ran onto the tea ships an dumped all the teabags into Boston Harbor. I know yu has a hard tim bleevin the hair part, but yu gots to remembmer that coffee has lots more caffeen than tea, an they wuzn’t yoozd to it yet. So they gots a littul overegsytid, kinda lik when I has been nappin all day an Mom com hom an she has to chays me around the partmint befor I calms down. Onlee they wuz doin it fer a gud cause: libertea. Also, ther wuz this othr thing: no taxayshun wiftout representayshun, which meen if yu want to com tax us, we gotta be abul to see whut yer doin wift our money. An we want to vot fer yu first.

The Legasee of the Boston Tea Partee was three-fold (this my noo word fer the dae): Boston halped start the Merican Revolooshun, we got our own stamp wift teabags on it, an also them littul kyoocumbrer samwhiches becaym verree popyoolar fer a whil in the coloneez. Peeples wud ordr their coffee an them littul samwhiches an folks wud sae: “Hey! Yu havin a Boston Tea Partee! Hnrf, hnrf, hnrf!” an think they wuz bein verree funnee.  I egspekts they started the revolooshun mostlee so peoples wud stop maykin the bad jok.

OK. That’s all fer now. Oh. An also don’t fergit to remind me to rememberer to tell yu about them witches, cuz it was also veree egsytin. I don’t noe why folks think histree is borin, when it got all this runnin an jumpin an cafeen in it!!!

Goin Bak a Littul

Musashi Sez:

I ben readin mor histry an I realizd that I left somthin out. See, befor the Frentch an Indyun War ther was this soshul moovemint called the Grayt Awakenin. Now yu rememember them Puritan pilgrim types whu had that big partee wift the Indyuns befor they started figtin wift the Frentch? They wer verree relijus, an went to church all the tim.

Wull, it turn out that they started getting bored wift 

church an peoples wuz fallin asleep an the preechrz gots mad. So they wentid up in their big pulpits an they started yellin about Basement Cat an how he was goin to com get their soles if they dint wake up!

So they all jumped up an down in their pews to stay awayk, yellin Glory Halleluya to Ceiling Cat! An this went on fer lik twenty years, an probable onlee stoppd once the preechrz got mor inneresting.